Lori Alexander and ‘Black Pride’

Lori Alexander and ‘Black Pride’ March 28, 2018

Lori Alexander and ‘Black Pride’ seems like some twisted party game, like Cards Against Humanity, not a genuine subject. Has anyone else noticed that in both Quiverfull and the more Fundamentalist reaches of Evangelical Christianity that race is rarely mentioned? Even in those groups with open links to hate groups like the KKK? Nancy Campbell has stated that one of the big reasons she supports militant fecundity is to outbreed scary brown people. Much of that culture is inherently quite racist in a slithering underground sort of way.

As a result I’m finding Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife’s foray into the world of ‘Black Pride’ curiously misguided at best. It starts with Lori publishing an email or comment she’s received from an African-American follower decrying teaching any sort of racial culture or identity. So Lori jumps in with both feet wrong, but at least she did start out by pointing out that Jesus loves all colors of people. What leaps out at me is her belief that Black Pride supporters have a ‘victim’ mentality.

I don’t think being educated on your ethnicity is the same thing is being divisive, or wrong in any way. I don’t know, what do you think? Racism is clearly wrong, but where does that line up when someone dislikes others from celebrating their heritage?


FYI. I’m not quite back. Not yet. ICE (Costa Rican utilities) has not connected the internet at the new house yet. Now they are saying they don’t know when, but likely next week. The endless manana syndrome. But I’m here at public wifi for this afternoon and will try to schedule a few posts for this week. Sorry about this.

The backyard with the pit dug for the pool…and the dirt is on every surface. Lori would be proud of my constant cleanup.

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  • Tawreos

    She has a lot of nerve to say a different group has a victim complex. Her group sees persecution in every gesture and word that is not put forward to confirming christianity as the only way to go. Does anyone want to wager that Lori also believes that racism was dead and gone until Obama was elected president?

  • SAO

    In short, black parents, tell your kids that there is no racism in America. Trump just was a bit confused about Obama’s birth certificate. It could happen to anyone. Oh, and forgive past sins, just in case there was a touch of racism in America’s past. But that is, as Dylan sang, “Long ago, far away, things like that don’t happen nowadays.”

  • IM

    Lori is speaking out of her ass, and from a place of privilege. It’s easy to say my race has a victim complex, when she hasn’t been systematically put down since America was birthed. She seems to think the black pride movement is “bitter”. One, stop policing how we should feel about injustice, and two, we want change in the way the system works.

    Thing aren’t black and white. (pun unintended) I can beileve that America systematically has disenfrancised my people, and it has. At the same time, I am productive. I can fight against what the perceptions are by being myself. Black pride is not malice towards whites. It is embracing our struggles and how we can move forward. We are a strong, independent, artistic, etc. What I am not is a whore or thug. That’s what Black pride is.

    It’s easy to have “joy” when you aren’t seeing your race pushed into poverty and struggling to survive against the odds. Then again, she does see that in her own home, she just ignores it; its Gods will to be impoverished.

    The talk about race needs to be done with another minority, not in a vacuum.

  • DoctorDJ

    “…militant fecundity…”
    Love it!

  • smrnda

    First, I really, really doubt that Lori received any such email, partly because it checks almost every single box of ‘white people complaints about black people.’ It’s as if Lori imagined some hypothetical black reader who would view Lori as the white messiah to help her learn not to teach her kids to be ‘victims’ or ‘divisive’ but just good Christians like Lori. Has Lori ever seen the number of churches that are in black communities? The role of the church in the civil rights struggle? Black churches teach both black pride and tell people that they have value in Jesus – the black pride part is kind of necessary in a society where, historically, you haven’t been viewed as a real person. Seriously, this email writer has moved away from all black people and her family to *somewhere else unspecified* because somehow, black pride interferes with Jesus? Does she know anything about how extended family networks tend to be much more important to black people than to white people, who tend to have more ‘autonomous nuclear family’ arrangements where grandparents, aunts and uncles aren’t part of day to day life but people you see on holidays maybe a few times a year? Does Lori not get that racism is something that black people experience pretty much every day? Black parents out of necessity have to teach their kids about racism and how to deal with it.

    Second, maybe the reason for division among black and white Christians is that white Christians have been actively oppressing black ones for a long time, and typically dismiss any complaints from POC as ‘divisive’ or ‘losing focus on Christ.’

    Second, this : “an African-American follower decrying teaching any sort of racial culture or identity. ”

    Okay, exactly how on earth can you *not* teach any sort of racial or cultural identity? Even if you avoid any explicit instructions, there are noticeable differences between cultures and they often persist for generations. Small things like ‘when does your family eat dinner’ or ‘what food do you cook’ or how people dress, what sort of music they like, what recreations they prefer, these are all culture and often race. Lori might view herself as existing outside of race or culture, but you can’t read her blog and not realize that she’s an affluent white woman in the USA.


    I checkout out the ‘breakfast recipes’ tag which ended up just being some bit about how Lori’s aches and pains were miraculously healed by not eating eggs and switching brands of yogurt. It’s standard ‘anecdotes are not evidence’ nutrition ‘tips’ from a person who hasn’t even figured out whether her ‘fix’ was what helped her problems. She also seems to suggest that she rotates food to avoid getting an allergy – I don’t think allergies work like that.

  • smrnda

    I keep thinking, does she think that black people in the USA ever had the option not to be ‘productive?’ It’s that the gains from their hard work were stolen for a huge chunk of US history, and talented black people were held back in what they were allowed to achieve.

  • Jim Jones

    > ICE (Costa Rican utilities) has not connected the internet at the new house yet. Now they are saying they don’t know when, but likely next week.

    Can’t help thinking that if Hillary had won and appointed Bill to be in charge of reconstruction by now everything would be working again – probably better than before.

    For all his faults Bill could focus on a task and get it done. Unlike the lard assed, lazy, stupid GOTUS (golfer of the USA).

  • David Sagneri

    In Costa Rica? Might be confusing that with Puerto Rico. I’ve heard that Costa Rica is a lovely nation. Know a few people that have considered retiring there.

  • Re: family networks

    That is one thing my mom mentioned to me, about how extended family structures tend to be stronger among African-Americans, partly because during slavery, black families were ripped apart. In my own family, it has been a while since we’ve come together, but there is a sense of family, though we live all across the country and some even live in Germany and Switzerland. In fact, at my old church (which was predominantly white), a number of parishioners had tense relationships with their families, and my mom put that in the “things white people do” box.

    Re: culture

    A family friend explained that in many white churches, they see a few token black people as a sign they are integrated, and often expect said black people to be white people with dark skin, and it has always gotta be white people cultural forms.

    Oh yeah, black people *do* try to make the most of things; however, the Quiverfull crowd would likely not approve of those things. For example, African-Americans tend to encourage both their sons and daughters to go to college, whereas these white Quiverfull types think college isn’t good for women (and sometimes men).

  • Nea

    As far as I can tell, “victim mentality” means “STFU about injustice to people like you” while “life isn’t fair” means “I’ve got mine, screw you.” Let’s be blunt here – middle-class, stay-at-home, Protestant, lilly white Lori has no idea about the prejudice faced daily by religious and racial minorities (while her babbling about never ever ever lifting your ladyhands to work for any reason show that she’s equally clueless about basic economics.)

    She wants to believe that prejudice doesn’t really exist because she doesn’t want to bother her pretty little head about it, so she can just comfortably handwave it away, secure in the knowledge that she will never be shot in her own back yard and no one will march through her neighborhood with torches.

    And whatever that parent teaches that kid, DO NOT teach that kid to rock Lori’s comfortable boat!

  • Mel

    Life isn’t fair – but it’s not equally unfair for all groups of people. People who fit outside of the majority power structure like women, people of color, LGTBQ+ and people with disabilities play at the game of life with a different set of cards and rules than white, straight, able men. Added “bonus”: the disadvantages for people were dealt into two or more minority groups aren’t additive; they are multiplicative.

  • AFo

    Soo… People pointing out that they’ve systemically been oppressed and screwed over for centuries is a “victim mentality,” but Lori and her ilk screaming persecution whenever someone says something unflattering about Christanity isn’t? No one loves being a victim or martyr more than Lori.

  • Saraquill

    “I’m not the bigot, YOU are!” is usually said by white assholes in denial of their racism, and thus deflects it onto PoC. I’ve been on the receiving end of this more than once.

  • Saraquill

    I’m intersectionally marginalized. The backbiting I’ve experienced for belonging to multiple racial minorities, PoC and queer, the “wrong kind” of queer plus disabled by alleged advocates who don’t believe in overlap is ridiculous. Part of me wants to chalk it up to a conspiracy that those with top privilege actively promotes infighting so they can remain on their pedestals while everyone is distracted.

    While I find it plausible, I find that some of these alleged advocates are just plain jerks.

  • Jim Jones

    I was confused. But yes, Bill Clinton would make the PR power run on time, whereas Mangolini doesn’t give a shit. Throwing paper towels at “those people” was perfect for the Trumpanzees – like Marie Antoinette’s “Let them eat cake”.

  • persephone

    I’m white, but I’ve thought that the extended family structures among African American communities was also a result of not being able to rely on anyone outside the black community for support.

  • IM

    I’ve been backbitten by a lot of “advocates” in the black, lgbtq, and disabled community. You’d be surprised how ignorant the depressed are on depression and how ignorant the LGBTQ community can be on race.

    You’re right, they’re jerks. Thing is, so are people. The only difference is that we’re minorities.

  • gimpi1

    Telling people to be content with what their “lot in life” and that their situation, however good or bad, is God’s will and therefore nor to be changed or challenged has alway been a way to keep people down. Notice how this dreck is always pushed at groups who it’s in the interest of the majority to keep quiet.

  • Uh, no shirt y’all are bitter, and with damn good reason!

    It’s forking hard struggling within and against a system rigged against you, and it wears on you like nothing else.

    On my end, it ain’t race — it’s disability and gender identity — but it’s the same sort of struggle at the core. Fighting a rigged system that alternates between ignoring and occasionally holding up “inspirational” examples of disabled folks who are towing the ableist line.

  • Sandpirate

    “Mangolini”, I love it!

  • lisu

    I’m queer and disabled. I’ve encountered people who claim to be advocates for both groups, but who don’t believe intersectionality is a thing that can exist.

    My favourite was the queer person who started off by policing my choice to use identity-first language. I wasn’t disabled, I was a ‘person with disability’.

    It transpired that they didn’t seem to believe that disabled people could have any kind of sexuality at all. So of course, there were no disabled queer people. They tried to convince me that using identity-first language meant I couldn’t really be disabled, and so I must be pretending to be both disabled and queer. I suggested that perhaps they’d like to find themselves disabled in an accident, and then be told by a sentient tantrum that they couldn’t possibly be queer. You can guess for yourself how pleased they were about that.

  • Morgan Lefaye

    I am embarrassed to be the same color as Lori. Stupid creature.

  • smrnda

    I tend to think that because white people have generally had more money and better job options, they can be more mobile and have been less dependent on extended family. An aunt is someone you see a few times a year, not someone who might pick you up from school every day. Grandparents are people who visit, not people who provide actual child care day to day. And then, since white people have had more influence into them, many social institutions serve as support for white people in a way that isn’t available to others. Think of how employers provide perks to certain workers, but many of the lower status jobs come with none.

    On college, I don’t think black people can afford to poo poo higher education, nor is the option of ‘stay at home moms’ available when your wages lag behind the dominant majority.

    With tokens, white people see a few tokens and see ‘integrated’ but if the % actually start to match the population, don’t seem so happy. It’s like people wanting diversity as long as it still means a very significant white majority.

  • I tend to think that because white people have generally had more money and better job options, they can be more mobile and have been less dependent on extended family.

    For the former, I would argue the opposite, that whites could be *less* mobile, and can stay in one area, and that historically fewer options meant increased mobility for African-Americans. (Consider the Great Migration after WWI.) Since work was harder to come by, black people had to be more mobile.

    Nevertheless, family was still important, even when relatives lived in different parts of the country. African-American families would often have family reunions. A family friend said he looked forward to those, and did not understand why so many white people felt like family events were war zones.

    The arts are also less poo pooed. My mom mentioned that for black people, a person who succeeded in such a field would be more likely to have family support and less likely to be dismissed as not having a Real Job (TM) than would a white family.

    Again, no doubt, they could not afford to poo poo the arts.

  • IM

    I can guess. I’ve had my share of bad experiences in my own queer communities.

    I remember I was telling them my struggles with depression and my dislike for myself. That quickly tumbled into “..of course no one likes you. You’re toxic. .. you don’t even want to be around yourself.”

    A great thing to say to the suicidal.

    I realized long ago that the trans flag isn’t a sticker of good morals, just a label. People will be jerks all the same. Its for that reason that I will never willingly step into another queer safe space. Who’s going to project me from my own community?

    People, will be people. I’m scared to ever be around any other people now. Still hurts after getting burned. I felt like I should like my own community, no matter how it treats me. I shouldn’t anymore.

    the truth is that people don’t change based on identity.

  • Jennifer A. Nolan

    Anything for a fair, honest, and solid income! I wouldn’t go poo-pooing art, music, or handcrafts for anything. Status anxiety is SO white suburban, and so lame.

  • Saraquill

    Argh. I’ve encountered disability advocates who’ve run in the opposite direction, speaking against the idea of asexual disabled people. Which I happen to be. Hence, I get bashed by those like the twit you encountered, and those who decide my orientation is degrading to the disabled community.


  • Saraquill

    I went to a school full of the children of Asian tiger parents. Status anxiety isn’t limited to white people, and its effects can be really ugly. It also shows up in upper and middle class black communities, as documented in “Our Kind of People,” “Negroland,” and “Down the Up Staircase.”

  • What they’re fighting is society’s DEMAND that the disabled be entirely non-sexual and therefore remain pure and holy and “inspirational”.

    I’m very much a sexual being, and I fucking resent being ASSIGNED an orientation by society.

  • smrnda

    There’s always the problem with people holding up ‘inspirational’ disabled people and ‘exceptional’ minorities, and the only reason is so they can say ‘well, they made it, why can’t you?’

  • smrnda

    True – migrations occurred, and that could also mean that you need the help of relatives in other areas that, if you could stay put with a steady job, you might only bother to see on holidays.

    On family events and war zones – I think there’s a few things there.

    One thing might be that white people’s love for their kids, or other relatives, is more conditional. Parents see kids as extensions of themselves and get angry when the kid isn’t doing exactly what they wanted, even if the kid grows up and does alright by any objective standard. Many white families and parents are more about dominance and control than love. Not that African Americans don’t use physical discipline, but think of the language people like Michael Pearl use when they describe it – they want their children to be totally broken and defeated so that they, the parents, win.

    Another is that, let’s face it, an average white family probably contains people who have pretty incompatible values and ethics. So let’s say you are white and under 30, and you are in a relationship with a POC. A ‘family gathering’ may entail listening to your older relatives use racial slurs that are clearly meant to send a message that they don’t approve of your choice of partner. Small things like clothing, career choice, perhaps not indoctrinating your kids the exact right way, can be a huge battleground. There’s huge generational gaps and the old people are usually very angry their prejudices aren’t part of the younger generation, and they may actually enjoy pushing people’s buttons because they feel entitled to do so. There’s also a huge thing with viewing people – even family members – as a means to an end.

  • katiehippie

    I’ve been uncomfortable with that a lot lately. I follow on facebook the Children’s hospital my son was at for 7 weeks and sometimes they post “inspirational stories’ of patients who overcame whatever illness or disability and did some amazing thing. How does that come across to the kids I saw there that were never going to be able to live a normal life? Or my son who was a pretty normal kid before and is a pretty normal kid now? My son had to learn how to walk again and now he can walk again! I mean, the staff there is so great and I didn’t ever feel like they did any kind of that comparison but maybe their marketing dept needs kind of a heads up about that.

  • It comes across horribly. “Look at what these kids accomplished!” = “Look at what you’ve failed at.”

  • Cynthia

    Ok, I get that preferred language constantly changes – but honestly, how hard is it to simply not be an asshole?

    Sure, I was once taught to use people-first language. All that means, though, is that if I met someone like you, who preferred identity-first language, I’d say “Oh”, and switch it around to what you prefer. It’s not hard to actually listen to what someone is telling you.

  • Cynthia

    Back in 2013, she complained and deleted a comment of mine that acknowledged the existence of racism. According to her, half the country shed their blood to stop slavery, therefore racism isn’t an issue. It was posted in response to this: http://lorialexander.blogspot.co.il/2013/09/a-more-innocent-time.html

    Lori didn’t want to hear that it wasn’t a particularly sweet and innocent time, no matter what she believes based on a Hallmark movie. [I don’t think that women as a whole are “easily deceived”, but I do think that Lori lacks the ability to think critically. I don’t know if it is the brain tumor or if she was always like that.] I know people who were child survivors of the Holocaust, and nostalgia is the last thing they feel toward that era. It was also the era of Jim Crow. But no – Lori DELETED my comment because I dared to point out that the 1940s were NOT a more innocent time if you were African-American, and that it would have actually been more dangerous. It isn’t that she doesn’t know these things, it is that she is actively resisting any attempts to discuss actual history.