No Longer Quivering
There are times when reading through Lori Alexander’s book ‘The Power of the Transformed Wife’ and her website The Transformed Wife that she comes across as a petty middle schooler. A sixty year old lady stuck in that twelve year old mindset. Childish. Unreasonable. Unbending. Ungraceful.
Never does she come across that way more than when Lori is speaking of marriage. Lori Alexander and marriage is nothing more than a petty childish Christian marriage game. It’s all keeping score and sticking to strict roles.
A few days ago Lori made the specious argument that all these other marriages were filled with arguments over housework in a piece titled “Housework – The Bane of Most Marriages” She means most marriages not practicing the same type of smile, submit and clean theology that she promotes, but did not practice.
She claims this is split along feminist/anti-feminis/Christian lines, but it’s considerably simpler than that. The real split is childish immaturity/mature adults. Mature adults realize and take action to keep a mutual possession, in this case a home, in good working order. It has nothing to do with gender roles, types of personalities or what the Bible orders at all. Are you childish, or are you a fully functioning adult?
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that fully functioning mature adults do not mention things like, “Hey, can you load the dishwasher?” or “I have to work overtime four days this week so can you take over meals please?” Or even gentle reminders when things are undone and you are simply not capable. There may be moments of irritation even. None of it is disrespectful or the end of the civilized world.
Would Jesus wash dishes? I like to think so, someone humble enough to serve his fellow humans and take the time to wash their feet would certainly wash dishes when needed. I know, I know, in Lori-world Jesus would never lower himself to do such a thing.
One of the biggest lies of Lori’s theology is the lie that there is only one right way to do a task. that locked in style that dictates comformity. In reality life is filled with adjustments and compromises, or like I like it call it ‘MacGyvering’. If you cannot effectively MacGyver you’re not going to last long living anywhere else but the United States, and I predict you’ll be as openly miserable as Ms. Alexander.
MacGyvering can mean you do things like the time I needed wash clothes here, could not find them for purchase so I made wash clothes via a new towel and my sewing machine. Problem solved simply by what was available instead of pining away for what does not exist here.
MacGyver is a fictional character in two different versions of the same television show. I’ve always joked that MacGyver would work such miracles as making a bomb from an ear of corn, some duct tape and assorted wires.
So what do I mean about MacGyvering in daily marital housework life? Well, for example the last eight weeks here. I had a mini stroke followed by MRSA and difficulty geting adjusted to new medications I need to prevent another stroke. For the better part of that time I’ve been somewhere on that continum between sick and well. My husband had taken over the mopping, dishwashing and harder tasks of the household, while I’ve stuck to those things I can do like dusting, or nothing at all at times like yesterday when I’m having an extrodinarily bad day. And it works, because we’re both adulting hard. I don’t even shade him for loading the dish rack differently than I do. No recriminatons, no horrible attitudes, no crazy anything.
During the years my husband worked in the city and faced a very long commute I did many more things daily than I do now. They needed to be done and he had a two hour one way daily commute, arriving home too tired to weed or mow or wash dishes.
Being flexible in marriage is a much better thing to develop than any amount of silly childish ideas of proper roles. The only proper role is that as a mature individual!
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