Wives Make Husbands Stay Fat?

Wives Make Husbands Stay Fat? December 10, 2018

This is one of those Joy Filled Wife posts from Lori Alexander’s old blog Always Learning. The interesting thing about this particular post is that it deals with the overweight husband. Putting the control and influence on the chubby hubby directly into the hands (and blame) of the wife.

So now you are responsible for your own weight AND the weight of your spouse?

No, sorry, it’s a bit more complex than just serving him healthy foods. Wives are not responsible for everything a husband puts in his mouth. Lori knows this. Remember all the times in her book she complained about Ken’s buying and consumption of chips, ice cream, crackers and other foods Lori considers sinful?

Dealing with a husband who tends to plump, even if he does work out like a fiend, I can tell you that while serving and making healthy delicious foods available is a small part of what’s going on. Many husbands, mine included and it sounds like Ken, will go out of their way to buy those junk food items they love no matter how many healthy alternatives you offer.

Why do they do that? Lots of reasons, just like reasons that women will eat things that aren’t the best for them. Sometimes it’s comfort. It might be boredom or making oneself feel better while dealing with stress. Men eat for the same reasons women do, nagging never helps.

Are you sitting down? Alright here it goes. And that is fine, and really it is. Because it is the choice of the man! Not your choice.

While you might wish he would eat a salad instead of a Snickers bar you cannot force it. If you do you’ll likely have those nasty conversations Lori talked about in her book and website. The one where she asked if Ken wanted a salad and he snapped at her. You really do not want to provoke that type of attitude. Nagging and prodding, reminding the man that he has weight to lose will just create this sort of bad feelings.

There are so many other more important things in marriages that policing what anyone else puts in their mouths. And fat-shaming anyone never works.


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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • French Pandora

    So, women are responsible for meals but must also be obedient. What happens if the husband decide what food to buy and eat ? Either way, the wife loose.

  • Glandu

    Well, living together means influencing each other. Therefore, she’s not completely technically wrong. My own wife does not have much opportunities to cook, and when she does, there are a lot of vegetables – this helps a lot. Rest of the time, I’m on my own(and I’m probably not as disciplined as she is, but that’s my fault, not hers),

    That being said, the ideological context make the whole sentencing just ugly. Influencing is one thing, directing is a whole another thing.

    The day I’m not glad with what my wife cooks, I can perfectly cook something else for myself that I think fits me better. Or negotiate with my wife who is cooking what(usually, it ends up like that, she does the salad & dessert, I’m doing the sushis). That’s called being an adult, responsible, collaborative couple. Unlike this hellhole promoted by fundies where women can only exist by being treacherous(or by fleeing, a much more healthy solution, unfortunately not always possible, by far).

  • Nea

    What happened in Lori’s happy marriage is her husband did buy and eat the food he wanted against her wishes, so she nagged and whined.

  • French Pandora

    I guess I was too (vague ?). I meant for fundie’s couples in general and the food for meals, not the extras Ken bought behind Lori’s back.

    For example, if a husband command his wife to cook Mac and cheese and to banish green beans, what a good wife like Lori preach is supposed to do ? Doomed for not taking good care of her husband in one hand and not submissive in the other.

  • Tawreos

    I guess we are just going to ignore that a wife is supposed to pack a lunch box for her husband like he is a child on his way to school. How can the man be the head of the household if the wife is going to treat him like a child?

  • Nea

    Probably claim to put the “submissive” over the “not taking good care” and ostentatiously throw it into Jesus’ hands to fix, probably by loudly praying that the husband not have a cardiac or whatever. Remember Lori’s god is Debi Pearl, and Debi Pearl has always preached that women are basically appliances.

  • Finding Home

    I know a Fundie couple. The wife was fixing the husband a big breakfast of eggs, sausage gravy, and biscuits days after he’d had a heart attack. He only lived another few months.
    Lori’s right–a wife CAN have a big influence on their husbands health!

  • kilda

    Is there *anything* this subculture doesn’t consider the woman’s fault? You’re fat? your fault. your husband is fat? your fault. your husband cheats, or abuses you, or doesn’t want to have sex with you? your fault. your kids don’t turn out the way you hoped? your fault.
    I really can’t think of anything that they don’t consider a woman’s fault. Maybe the weather. Maybe.

  • Friend

    What foods fit the bill? So far I’ve come up with bananas, but they need more tender care than a fundie sensibility.

  • Friend

    Submissive dominatrix lives on a flat earth of paradox.

  • Friend

    It’s not that obvious to teens and young adults, but nutrition makes a vast difference over the long haul. After a health crisis, most people do take on better habits, at least for awhile. Spouses are in the best position to have the needed tender conversations, and presumably they want the ailing partner to survive…

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    What if the Husband says he wants steak and potatoes and doesn’t want to eat vegetables? And wants a couple of beers and a bag of potato chips every night, along with the McDonalds he picks up for lunch?

    Should the wife disobey him and insist on feeding him healthy foods because she knows better than him?

  • Friend

    Once in awhile some naive newlywed writes these bloggers to say, “My husband doesn’t want me to submit. He wants me to choose my own clothes, continue my education,” etc. The answer is to submit anyway and pray that God will show the husband how to take away every big and small choice from the well-meaning wife and their growing brood of babies. A non-answer, from the same people who tell battered wives to pray harder.

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    What does submission mean in that case? Following the husband’s orders and making her own decisions or waiting for him to exasperatedly tell her exactly exactly what to fo?

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    I thought nagging and whining was a big no no.

  • Nea

    It is, but that only makes people like Debi and Lori the queens of passive-aggression because they can’t just come out and say what they think.

  • Sounds like the perfect crime.

  • Friend

    I worked with a very nice man in a marriage like this. He never complained, but I sensed a deep sadness at the emotional gulf in a marriage he honored.

    Sometimes the men of the church turn the normal loving husband into a glass bowl. Sometimes both people pretend submission works, but secretly live a quasi normal life.

  • AFo

    All of these issues could be avoided if the couple just communicated and discussed the foods they like/dislike, or the foods they feel are unhealthy and shouldn’t have too much of in the house. But no, in Lori’s world, we have to do everything the hard way because genuine communication is evil.

  • SAO

    Well, yeah, it’s all your fault, all the time, no matter the issue.

  • SAO

    Delegating is a valuable management tool. People who micromanage everything, like their wife’s clothing usually manage most things badly. So, sensible men know their wife knows better than them.

  • bekabot

    “Never never never forget that what every man needs an adequate substitute for his Mom.” Cripes.

  • Zeldacat

    a) My stepdad does the cooking. Seriously. All of it. So before he retired if he took lunch to work he packed it himself.

    b) Is weight gain due to medication also the wife’s fault somehow? Same stepdad has issues with that. And no we’re not talking about antidepressants or anything along those lines – obviously if he was on those it would be my mom’s fault somehow according to Lori, right? – but there’s no way to blame her for type 2 diabetes that I can think of.

  • lady_black

    Well, I would tell him he was going to eat what I cooked, or do without, or fix his own damn dinner. But, that’s just me.
    Yeah, I like to make things my husband enjoys. But, there are thinned-down versions of comfort food, and you can substitute cauliflower for mashed potatoes, and put Benefiber in the spaghetti sauce and such, and not bother mentioning it to chubby hubby, picky children and such.
    All you need is the right recipes and a little imagination.

  • Nightshade

    No, they blame weather on the gays.

  • therealcie

    Size is dependent on many factors, DNA being the most influential. Calories in calories out is a gross oversimplification and causes a lot of unnecessary suffering and unhealthy behaviors to lose weight. I believe in health at every size, not an arbitrary “right” size.

  • persephone

    Ken would make meals that weren’t salads, and Lori would get pissed that the kids would eat with him, instead of with her and her nummy salads. She’s just an incredibly unhappy person who will never get the fact that trying to control everything is the sure way to unhappiness and failure.

  • Mimc

    I wouldn’t want to eat salad for every meal either.