Cheating Husbands Are Not Committing Adultery?

Cheating Husbands Are Not Committing Adultery? June 17, 2019
This piece by Larry Solomon is so awful emergency kittens and puppies would not do. It’s going to take a full out assault of cutesy cartoon characters and doughnuts to get past this. Screencap from YouTube

This has to be the worst Larry Solomon article from Biblical Gender Roles yet! I am not linking, but it is the one published on June 14th and titled ‘How Should a Christian Wife Deal With a Cheating Husband?’ It marks a new low in Larry’s theology, as evidenced by the pile of mental and physical diabetes referenced in the  photo.

It starts off with two different emails from two different women. Lady 1 has a husband that impregnated someone else during their separation, and she thinks is committing emotional infidelity by staying in contact with the lady in question.

Lady 2’s husband likes to drink while she’s driving him around. He also likes to visit the strip club with the guys. Lady 2 believes that just by being in a room filled with semi-naked women that her husband is committing ‘virtual adultery.’

You know, there’s nothing wrong with feeling like you do not like either situation, and it’s too much to expect you to bear in a marriage. Everyone’s emotional lines are in different places. Both women are suffering due to the choices made by their men.

So what does Larry say? That what they did and are doing is not adultery…

Nowhere in all the Bible is a married man called an adulterer simply because he is emotionally intimate or sexually intimate with a woman not his wife

Larry goes on to call such men ‘Whoremongerers’ but still claims it is not adultery, and there is no divorce exception for women married to cheating husbands.

But ladies do not have the same option. They cannot cheat according to Larry, because that would be… duh, duh, duuuuuuuuuuuh – adultery.

While Scripturally speaking, marital faithfulness for a woman toward her husband does hinge upon on her exclusively giving herself sexually to her husband there is no Biblical warrant for making the same statement of husbands toward their wives

Then Larry takes it to the worst place he can – to polygamy. Spending reams of paragraphs defending the idea that women are to have one husband and that one husband is allowed to have many wives.

The reason emotional and sexual exclusivity is never given as a criterion of marital faithfulness of a husband toward his wife is because God allows men to practice polygamy or specifically polygyny.

Larry, is there something you want to confess? Perhaps more than just your one poor addicted to pain pills disabled wife?

Then he goes on to argue that the laws in our nation against polygamy are not to be obeyed because of Jesus saying pay to Caesar what is Caesars. He interprets that to mean that the government has no business telling a man what he can and cannot do in his family.

So what is a ‘cheating husband’ in Larry-Land?

God’s definition of a cheating husband is a man that does not provide his wife with the necessities of life including sexual relations.

Oh brother! We’re back to his organs of generation yet again! Excuse me while I run to.. emmm, errr, what’s a polite way to say this? Regurgitate. This is all very sickening, and there’s not word one about the love of God, or the mercy of Christ in any of it.

Why do all these guys spend more time than pornography addicts thinking about sex? Castration is starting to look like an attractive option right now for some of these men.


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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.
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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Saraquill

    By Larry’s own reasoning, he’s a cheating husband.

    I’m not sure why he bothers pretending to be Christian when he just wants to worship his penis.

  • Tawreos

    Why do all these guys spend more time than pornography addicts thinking about sex?

    Because people that have no hang ups about porn, watch it, take care of business and go about their day. People like Larry have forbidden themselves any sexual release outside of the marriage bed. They have gone so far as to forbid even thinking about it lest the god of thoughtcrimes finds out and punishes them. This is, to the surprise of absolutely no one, unhealthy and not a good way to go through life.

  • gimpi1

    Mr. Solomon gives us yet another great reason not to regard the Bible as any sort of moral guide. Double standards, abusive behaviors condoned, absolutely no concern for either justice or consistency — all represented in abundance. Yes, well done, Mr. Solomon. Thank you for so clearly demonstrating why we should never look to ancient myths, parables and histories as the basis for ethical principles.

    Wait, wasn’t that his point?

  • Mel

    Actually, Solomon is right(ish) on this one.

    The Bible in the OT defines adultery by marital status of the woman, not the man, because of the legality of polygyny in the Bible. In OT terms, the first LW’s husband is only guilty of adultery if the woman he had an affair with was married. The husband has an entire set of legal requirements, though, depending on if the woman is a member of the same religion as Larry or not.

    The issue Larry runs into is that Jesus was clearly over that rule by the time he was explaining that even lusting after a woman was committing adultery. Under that set of rules, both sets of husbands are sinning against their wives.

    Which brings me to the larger problem with extreme Biblical literalists in general. The only way that they work is by ignoring either the New Testament (which undercuts their claim to be Christians) or by ignoring the rules of interpretation compiled by Jewish scholars over the last 4,000 years or so (which undermines their claim of knowing much about the Hebrew Scriptures).

  • Iain Lovejoy

    He’s right that the Hebrew “naaph”, usually translated “adultery” refers in Jewish law specifically to a man sleeping with another man’s wife, but that’s only because only adultery specifically theoretically allowed the death penalty to be demanded. The Jewish grounds for a man divorcing his wife or a wife being entitled to demand a divorce from her husband in fact included sexual immorality generally, not just specifically “naaph”, and Jesus’s exception to the condemnation of divorce was recorded in the gospels as “porneia” which again meant sexual immorality generally, not just adultery. Larry just reads whatever he likes into the Bible to justify whatever he wants to do.
    (Proverbs 5 is an entire chapter in the OT devoted to condemning cheating husbands BTW.)

  • Iain Lovejoy

    If it ever comes out of moderation (#£%&ing disqus), I’ve gone into this below. Adu1tery was only a man sleeping with another man’s wife, but the grounds for divorce weren’t in either Jesus’s sayings or the OT specifically adu1tery, but rather s3xua1 1mmoral1ty generally (“p 0 r neia” is the word used by Jesus in the Greek).

  • Delta

    It seems that, in Larry’s world, all the rules apply to women and none of the rules to men.

    Some people are so entitled to view themselves as “above the law” — Larry views himself, and likely other men, as “above God’s law.”

  • Iain Lovejoy

    Larry doesn’t distinguish between “God’s law” and Larry’s own wishes. There is no distinction between the two.

  • John Hinkle

    What a remarkable coincidence!

  • Martin Penwald

    Weird. It seems to me that cultural enforcers from the purity movement consider that lus​ting on another woman than your wife IS adu​tery. But if it happens, it’s obviously your wife’s fault.

  • Martin Penwald

    Very convenient indeed.

  • Friend

    That’s it in a nutshell. Thanks, Mel!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Excellent as always Mel! I was aghast at his descriptions of perfect intimate emotional relationships where the wife went with the man to the gentlemans club and/or watched as he had horizontal fellowship with someone else.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Not to mention that forbidding masturbation is supposed to make teenagers so horny and frustrated that they won’t be too picky about the proposed spouse their father has picked for them. “Well… they’re not too attractive, but anything looks good to me right now!”

  • Ann Lunsford

    If I was even remotely related to this person I’d need something a lot stronger than pain pills.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    Because for Larry Christianity is pee-pee [edited due to @#£% moderation – what are we, three year olds?] worship.
    In all seriousness, I suspect Larry’s insistence that everything f***ed up and evil about him is “Biblical” is because somewhere, somehow Larry knows it (and he) is f***ed up and evil and is desperately trying to prove it to be otherwise.
    Maybe someday he’ll adopt the more optimal strategy of at least trying not to be so much of a [“s” word that would definitely get this post moderated].

  • bekabot

    OTOH, IIRC, scads of men are called whoremongers in the Bible, but no woman is. A whoremonger is obviously not a good thing to be.

  • bekabot

    In secular life one speaks of those whom the law protects but does not bind versus those whom the law binds but does not protect.
    This is the religious version.

  • Jennifer Fields

    I have a theory that Larry and his ilk (i.e. The Transformed Wife) are actually athiests who are spewing off the most ridiculous drivel to drive people away from religion. It’s certainly working to drive me away. The more I read, the further from Christianity, or any organized religion, I get. Not that there’s anything wrong with atheism, mind you. It’s about the only thing that makes sense.

  • Friend

    I’m not going to the original and don’t much care about Larry’s theological nuance. It’s almost as if “wh0rem0nger” is not an insult, because it sounds old-timey and quaint.

  • JetGirl

    Right, only women commit adultery, because men have a God-given right to stick it wherever. BARF.

  • AFo

    He’s talking in circles trying to justify the double standard. Basically, Larry wants to be able to do whatever he wants, but his wife has to always obey his every whim. Cause that’s what a healthy and loving marriage looks like (/s).

  • SAO

    A whoremonger is a pimp.

  • gimpi1

    That would be ingenious.

  • Lisa Cybergirl

    I’d need some kind of weapon.

  • Polytropos

    Larry, is there something you want to confess? Perhaps more than just your one poor addicted to pain pills disabled wife?

    Yes, it really does look suspiciously like the kind of special pleading someone might use to convince himself his own adultery somehow doesn’t count.

  • persephone

    I wish.

    Unfortunately, it mostly seems to be ego issues.

  • Freodin

    Sorry, people, I am going back to porn. Perhaps some golden showers. Gay threesomes involving hairy bears. Some BDSM stuff. You know, something simple, soothing and comforting.

    “Christian relationships” are just to upsetting for my tastes.

  • bekabot

    Technically, sure. But I’ve it used as a synonym for ‘man of loose morals’ or ‘playboy’ (the way ‘harlot’ is used to mean ‘loose woman’) much more often than I’ve heard it used in its technical acceptation. What words mean and the way they’re used are two different lines of business entirely.

  • Ruthitchka

    And/or WATCHED…? Maybe I won’t go over to Larry’s site to see the full post. That strikes me as disgusting, or maybe it’s just one of Larry’s out-there fantasies about himself.

  • Ruthitchka

    …along with everything else that’s bad being our fault!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Here is what Larry said in all its utter weirdness:
    “I have actually heard of women that have no problem with their husbands going to strip clubs as long as they take their wife with them. Other women don’t even have to go with their husbands, as long as the husband always tells her when and where he is going. Some women even go so far as allowing their husbands to have sex with other women as long as the wife is present. The common denominator in these situations is simply that there are no secrets between the husband and wife and nothing is held back.

    Again, this comes back to a woman’s concept of marital faithfulness which starts with complete and utter openness, no secrets, nothing withheld and then in most cases it extends to physical intimacy as well.”

  • Jennifer

    Oh my God..he IS a pathetic Gilead-wannabe!

  • Jennifer

    It would still be horrific (and pathetic, spending their time knowingly hurting other people).

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    Nowhere in all the Bible is a married man called an adulterer simply because he is emotionally intimate or sexually intimate with a woman not his wife

    Ummm….

    “You have heard that it was said [a]to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. – Matthew 5:27-28

  • Erik1986

    “To fly from blossom to blossom,
    the honey bee must be free;
    But blossom must not ever fly
    from bee to bee to bee.”

  • fractal

    Another good reason to ignore the bibble.