My kids are absolutely certain that I will die if I get COVID-19. I’m not guessing about that. They’ve told me.
In those words.
“Mom, if you get this, it will kill you.”
My oldest son calls me every day. He asks me, “Are you staying in?”
Once he called when his father and I were in the car, going to get take-out for supper, and he nearly flipped. What are you DOING? You are STAYING IN THE CAR, AND NOT TALKING TO ANYBODY AREN’T YOU????”
They seem to think their Dad is made of titanium and cannot be harmed. But me, I’m a snowflake who has to be protected.
I can’t see my grandkids because — as my sons have told me — babies get these things and don’t have symptoms and they might expose me, and, well, their mom would die. The only things they and their dad will let me do are housebound things and talk on the phone.
Don’t get me wrong. I love talking to my son every day. We’ve had some long, deep convos while he was checking up on me.
What gets me is that nobody trusts me.
One thing I’ve been doing while I’m in lock-up is making a quilt. I’m calling it the Pandemic Quilt. If you’re a quilter, you’ll know what I mean when I tell you that I’ve pieced it, ditched it and have just started quilting it. I got up bright and early this morning and fired up the machine and began quilting.
After the first few stitches, I realized I didn’t have the right needle. (Yes to my non-sewing friends; there are all kinds of needles for sewing machines and which type you use makes a big difference.)
My husband was still asleep.
I feel like an idiot having him run all my errands, things I could do perfectly well for myself if he and the kids would just let me. Besides, how is he going to buy the right needle? Even if I write it down for him, he’s likely to come back with who knows what and when I tell him it’s the wrong one he’ll get all puffed up and …
Long story short, I decided I would sneak out and buy my own needle. The fabric store’s web site said they’d carry out orders. That seemed safe enough to me.
Long story even shorter, even though I didn’t even get out of the car, I got caught and lectured. Hubs was awake when I got back and he asked me where I’d been. I suppose I could have told him it was none of his business, but that seemed rude, so I confessed what I did.
He didn’t say anything much at the time, but about 10 minutes later, he came into the sewing room and said, “I’m mad at you.”
Another long story short, he ended up telling me that if I did anything like that again, he would tell on me to the kids.
So, here I am, at 0330, wide awake. The reason I’m wide awake is that I’ve been in lockup city since this thing began, and now that I made the needle break, I can’t even walk to the mailbox without my husband shadowing me. I’m not tired enough to sleep. Or maybe I’m too bored to sleep.
I know this is nothing to complain about. My kids and my hubs love me. I am getting some prime phone time with my boys and I love it.
Besides, it is funny.
I want to go to the nursing home tomorrow and wave to Mama through the window. I know I will be escorted by my husband, who is watching me like a hawk in case I try to make another jail break.
As for me, I’m actually not all that afraid of this thing for myself. I take it seriously. I’m staying home, and not because my family makes me. It’s my part, what I can do to help. My part in stopping this virus is to stay home and stay calm. Aside from that one little needle run, I’m going to do it.
I do my part, and then I put it away. Do your best. Do all you can. Then give it to God.
I’m not worried about me. But I do worry about the rest of you.
You may not have someone to call you every day and tell you to stay inside. You may be forced to run your own errands and go to work. You may have lost your job in this mess and be sweating house payments and car payments and grocery bills.
I worry about you and I pray for you and I am really angry that this has been allowed to happen to you. I know — not guess, not think, know — that this didn’t have to be the destructive and lethal meltdown that it has become. The incompetence and dishonesty from the top of our government is so thick you need wings to stay above it. If we don’t change our leadership, this is just the first disastrous mess we’re going to go through.
I’m worried about my country, and I’m worried about my kids and my grandkids and my Mama. I’m also worried about you; each of you, all of you.
I pray for you every day. You deserve a better government than the one we have right now. We need a better government.
Take care of yourself, my friends. Stay home and stay safe.
We’re going to beat this thing.
In the meantime, you might consider taking up quilting.
Note: The phrase “you need wings to stay above it” is a line from the movie Apocalypse Now.