What My LGBT Neighbors Teach Me

Life-Changing Conversations

In the years that have followed, I have had a few particularly challenging and difficult and beautiful dialogues with gay friends–some Christian and one not. What they shared about their fears and struggles and the way they had experienced the so-called “love” of Christians shook me. They shared so vulnerably, so honestly. The dialogue had to be so much harder for them than for me. But they still dared to engage with me. They dared to love me, even though loving me was painful to them. This was humbling; it’s so easy to enter a dialogue like this assuming you will teach the other person, but it can be shocking to discover that in fact they have taught you.

Over the course of time, listening and watching, I have come to realize that the gay community has much to teach me. For example, last summer the reaction of so many in the gay community to Orlando’s horrifying act of hate, violence, and terror was compassion, support of one another in a way that any Christian would envy, and even deep concern for the Muslim community lest the act of one angry, alienated killer lead to stereotypes that could cause them harm. The kind of love, gentleness, and selflessness that I have seen reminds me of how often God works through people that we would not expect. I found myself wondering if the hurt that so many in the community have experienced at the hands of society has actually helped make them more empathetic people.

Do I think Christian sexual ethics are important for Christians to adhere to? Yes, I do! I think it’s unlikely that my views on the biblical interpretation of what this means will ever change. (And I’ve tried to consider other perspectives but ultimately have found unconvincing.) But I also think that while I fixate on that one aspect, it can be easy for me to miss that the gay community might be better at some of God’s other commands than I am. Maybe I need to get the log out of my own eye.

Maybe instead of talking so much all the time about Christian sexual ethics, we should get to know our gay friends better and be willing to learn from them. Maybe they have something important to teach me. Maybe they can help me see how I need to repent. Maybe they can teach me how to love better.

Note: I started composing this last year after the Pulse Nightclub shooting. Recently, I had the privilege of hearing a podcast with a pastor in the Orlando area. He talked about the many loving things his church felt called to do in the wake of the shooting, and how they felt called to do these things without expecting anything in return or “managing” whether people adhered to the church’s beliefs. Rather, he felt called to lead his church to show love regardless of any of that. And he took heat for it. But he stood strong. I would hold him up as a great example of how to be strong in one’s own beliefs and yet show genuine love to others who might live or believe differently. You can listen to the encouraging interview with Pastor David Uth on Christianity Today’s Quick to Listen podcast here.  

photo credit: torbakhopper peace warrior flag waving in blue sky with clouds : harvey milk plaza, castro, rainbow flag, san francisco (2013) via photopin (license)

IMPORTANT Comment policy addition: Because of the sensitive nature of this post, I will be deleting any comments that can be construed as attacking or bullying LGBT people. This will not be a place where that is welcome. If you would like to discuss the ideas in the post in a charitable way, even if you disagree, you are welcome to do so. But please address your arguments to me. Thank you for your adherence to this important matter.