“Should you choose to forego your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite.” Everyone has heard this sentence read aloud on The Bachelor. By this time in the show, the couple has just finished a very romantic date on a tropical island somewhere, the soft “love music” is playing in the background on our TV’s, and the couple’s love story seems to finally be reaching its climax (no pun intended). But what if this magical moment is actually a toxic moment is disguise?
Sex- what a controversial topic that is. Many believe it’s a natural part of any healthy relationship and so it only makes sense to have sex with those whom you’ve developed feelings for on The Bachelor. I of course believe God designed sex to be a gift for two married people, but that’s a different post for another day. Let’s talk about that first view of sex as it relates to The Bachelor.
When you have sex with someone who has confessed their love for you, they are going to be even more invested in the relationship than before. Nick from Andi’s season is a great example of this. Also Nick from Kaitlyn’s season is a good example. Oh wait, it’s the same person. I digress. The point is, you’re definitely going to hurt the person you sleep with and do not ultimately end up with. And how about the person you do end up with? Take it from me, I’ve heard first hand from a couple of different contestants how the “winning” person feels after learning their new fiancé has slept with someone else. Not a great way to start an engagement. And each time I’ve heard the story, the bachelor/ette always admit that sex with the other guy or girl was a mistake. Put aside any personal beliefs or convictions about sex and look at it logically- how is sex in the fantasy suite going to benefit you long-term? Sure you’re going to experience some short-term gratification but you’re setting yourself and others up for hurt and disappointment.
Now before you accuse me of being “holier than thou” or anything like that, please know I understand the pressures that come along with The Bachelor experience and I know how easy it could be to let your guard down and do what feels right in the moment, but I also know the benefits of not having sex in the fantasy suite and how that helped me start my relationship with Catherine off in a very healthy and positive direction. As I’ve said before, maintaining a healthy relationship after the cameras stop rolling can be difficult, this is just one way that might make that transition a little easier.