The Not So Excellent Wife
Can you believe how politically correct we’ve become? Are we really afraid to wish someone well by saying “Merry Christmas” because we might offend them? Seriously?
Being politically correct (PC) isn’t always driven by a concern for others.
Sometimes, it’s driven by fear.
For years, I caved to political correctness because I was afraid what others would think if I didn’t. I used sex as a weapon. Everything short of giving birth was divided in half.
And it nearly destroyed my marriage.
The feminist movement was long overdue.
Many hallmarks of the movement just don’t jive with a healthy marriage.
Traditional marriage is mocked, and men are portrayed as clueless simpletons who aren’t capable of operating a dishwasher or changing a diaper.
- Male bashing has become a recreational past time.
- Men are consistently depicted as dimwitted.
- TV, movies, and female bloggers perpetuate a negative image of men.
- Women either want to be treated like men or they want men to behave and think like women.
The PC mindset says it’s not okay to be okay with being a traditional wife, a wife who loves being married, respects her husband and puts her family first.
You don’t have to do marriage through a PC lens. Regardless of the negative press traditional marriage gets, you can be a positive model in the marital realm. But you must guard against the PC mindset that can usher your marriage into failure.
I can’t tell you how to divorce-proof your marriage. But I’ve learned, through experience, which PC practices will drive your man away.
Here are 7 no-miss ways to guarantee your marriage will fail:
1. Leave God out of your marriage or only accept the parts of the Bible you agree with
When you’re focused on pleasing God, it doesn’t matter what your husband does because your actions aren’t contingent upon his. We’re all naturally selfish, so the only way we can successfully focus on others is to focus on Christ first.
2. Make sure he does his half
While 50/50 sounds great, it never works. You start keeping records, love becomes conditional and you feel like he owes you something. When you go into marriage with a 100/100 mindset, your focus shifts from receiving to giving.
3. You deserve to be happy
You don’t deserve to be happy, but you can choose to be. When you “deserve” something, you feel entitled to it. You don’t feel like you should have to work for it. Happy marriages don’t happen by accident. They happen when couples intentionally focus on the kind of relationship they want. If you’re going to have a happy marriage, you’re going to have to work for it.
4. You shouldn’t put your man first
He didn’t marry you so he can take care of himself. Part of the benefit of a marriage is mutually caring for one another. When you continually put the needs of your children, your family, your job, and your friends ahead of your husband, he’ll eventually get the message he’s not important to you. His behavior and attitude will reflect that.
5. If he hurts you, make him pay
Un-forgiveness will take a marriage down fast. When you don’t forgive, you get bitter. As more offenses pile up, marital intimacy breaks down. As you work things out, be quick to forgive. If you can’t, seek help.
6. He needs to earn your respect
Respect is huge for men. But respecting your husband is counter-cultural and counter-intuitive today. It’s not your husband’s responsibility to earn your respect. You don’t respect him because of who he is. You respect him because of the kind of person you want to be. Disrespect is a no-miss way to shut down emotional intimacy and drive him away.
7. He’s got to pay to play
If he’s not acting right, don’t give it up. Make sure he knows he’s got to pay to play. Using sex as a bargaining tool or a way to control him may encourage him to go someplace he doesn’t have to work so hard to get his needs met.
Don’t be what you think others think you should be because you’re afraid of what they’ll say.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
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