‘You Deserve to Be Happy’ and 4 Other Lies About Marriage

‘You Deserve to Be Happy’ and 4 Other Lies About Marriage December 14, 2018

happiness in marriage

Making a decision to leave a marriage is serious and shouldn’t be made lightly. Sometimes there’s good reason to end a marriage, but believing ‘you deserve to be happy’ isn’t one of them. Happiness in marriage isn’t something you deserve.

Staying in an unhappy marriage can affect your mental and emotional health. But you don’t have to settle for dissatisfaction and mediocrity.

You can learn to see your marriage differently. You don’t deserve to be happy, but you can choose to be.

When you “deserve” something, you have an expectation you shouldn’t have to work for it. You’re entitled to it. If you’re going to have a happy marriage, you’re going to have to work for it.

When I got married, I expected to be happy. But marriage wasn’t what I had anticipated. My husband wasn’t the kind of husband I wanted. He could be selfish and inconsiderate. I didn’t know he’d eat my leftovers I was saving for the next day or drink orange juice straight from the carton. I didn’t know he’d complain about the way I squeezed the toothpaste.

I was not happy. I’m sure he had a few complaints of his own.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

Maybe your husband isn’t the man you thought you married either. Maybe your marriage isn’t developing  as you’d planned.

A good marriage doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when a couple decides they’re  going to be intentional about the kind of relationship they want. They choose to be happy.

Marriage is hard work. It can be difficult. It stretches you. It challenges you. It doesn’t automatically make you happy. You’ll disagree. You’ll hurt each other. You may have financial trouble. You may lose a job. These aren’t happiness-producing experiences.

You can choose to be happy through your circumstances.

If every couple divorced because marriage got difficult, 100 percent of couples would be divorced. The couples who make it aren’t the couples who don’t struggle. The couples who make it are the ones that don’t give up. They get help. They decide to be happy.

Success in marriage isn’t determined by how happy you are; it’s determined by how well you handle conflict.

When “you deserve to be happy” is the expectation, it’s easy to bail when you’re not.

Stop thinking of happiness in marriage as a right and see it as a choice instead.

When we learn to let go of the myths about marriage and embrace the reality, marriage is a lot more fulfilling.

‘You deserve to be happy is just one of the lies’ about marriage. Here are four others.

1. You do your part; he does his.

Marriage is not 50-50. It sounds like a great idea, but it never works. Someone always feels like they’re doing more than the other person. The closest you’ll  get to 50-50 is in divorce.

2. You’re a mother before you’re a wife.

Raising kids is a temporary gig. You’ll be a wife long after your kids are grown and gone. Your husband should be a priority. Sometimes marriages fail when the kids leave because the husband and wife have been focused on being parents, they’ve forgotten how to be husband and wife.

3. If it doesn’t work out, move on.

Ending a marriage might seem like the easiest move. In the long run, it’s not. First, you’ll have all the emotional baggage of a failed marriage. Then, you’ll be taking the same issues into the next relationship. And your new partner will be coming with issues of his own. Work it out if you can. Get professional help if you need it.

4. You should marry your soulmate.

You don’t marry your soulmate. Your husband will become your soulmate over time. Just because he doesn’t instinctively know what you need doesn’t mean you don’t belong together. It means he can’t read your mind. As you share experiences and triumphs, your bond will grow stronger.

You don’t deserve happiness; you choose it.  Debunking these common myths and developing a new perspective on your marriage will make you happy.

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Visit my website  and  join my private Facebook page .
  2. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download  How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

You don’t have to perfect to get the marriage you want.

Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here!

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical tools. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to become a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.


Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Family
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment

12 responses to “‘You Deserve to Be Happy’ and 4 Other Lies About Marriage”

  1. I am James William from Portland Oregon United State.It has always been my desire to help people out with their problems no matter how little my contribution may be.

    I also want to use this medium to keep to the promise i made to BABA ARUOSA that if he could help me get back my girlfriend i’ll spread his good works all over for everyone to be hopeful and confident that any problem they are faced with in their relationship/marriage has come to an end because there is solution to that problem.

    I was faced with a heart breaking relationship problem with my girlfriend. i was in a relationship with my girl for more than 2 years and we already made plans we were going to get married. suddenly she started acting differently and get upset at everything i do. our relationship got real nasty and she told me she wasn’t interested in me anymore. she said she does not love me anymore. i didn’t know all this were happening because she was seeing a new guy until i found out.I kept on pleading with her to accept me back because i was so in love and my life revolved around her.i tried every possible means to change her mind all to no avail.

    Things got bad for me because We were working in the same company so i get to see her always.i was in severe pain because our love life was so sweet before things got messy.This pain continued until i spoke with a close friend of mine who out of pity led me to a great spell caster called BABA ARUOSA whom he told me was extremely powerful and has helped him with a problem.

    So without any delay i contacted him. immediately i contacted him i knew he had the exact answers to my problems because i could feel his powers from his carefully selected words and calmness.I told him my problems and immediately he told me what to do.I did what i was asked to do and never doubted him.Immediately i began to see some positive changes and everything began to work out well. my girlfriend returned back and asked for my forgiveness.Finally my crumbling relationship has been restored and everything has been well for us and we’ll be getting married soon. all thanks to this great and powerful spell caster.
    Remember this testimony will only be meaningful if not ignored so anyone with relationship/marriage problems should contact him through his email : templeofsupernaturalcontact(at)gmail(dot)com for his help. i know he’s capable of solving your relationship/marriage problems.

  2. Am Deg Ceejhay by name from USA Portland I feel so blessed again in my marriage after Doctor Ogun brought back my husband that separated with me for good 6 months. Even though i have mouths all over my body, it won’t be enough to thank Doctor Ogun for his help upon my life. My husband separated with me for the 6 months and have been in pains and agony without him. So, i searched for help everywhere but nothing worked out not until i meant Doctor Ogun who i contacted online. I explained my situation to him and he promised that my husband will get back to me within 24 to 48 hours as far that my heart still beats for him. I believed in him and he prepared a spell for me and my husband called me exactly when Doctor Ogun said. He pleaded and said he needs me back and now we are living happily again for the past 9 months. Everyone out there reading my article that needs help should contact him… Email. Doctor Ogun via solutiontemple01@gmail.com for more information

    If you are out there passing through any of this
    problems listed below he is also perfect
    (1) Do you want your ex back?
    (2) Do you always have bad dreams?
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office?
    (4) You want women/men to run after you?
    (5) Do you want a child?
    (6) You want to be rich?
    (7) Do you want to tie your husband/wife to be
    yours forever?
    (8) Do you need financial assistance?
    (9) Have you been scammed and you want to
    recover your lost money?
    (10)Healing of cancer, Hiv/Aids, Herpes and all kinds of sickness
    (11)You want to stop marriage problems and Divorced
    (12) Child Bearing
    (13) Breaking Of Generation Course
    (14) Getting Of Job
    (15) Spiritual protection
    (16) Herbal Care
    (17) Divorce Spell
    (18) Marriage spell
    (19) Breakup spell
    (20) money spell
    (21) love spell
    (22) get pregnant
    (23) Business protection
    (24) Spell for family problems
    If you need or want any information on love or
    money spells you can get that problem solved
    today at Spell Of Solution Temple…

  3. Hello everyone am giving a testimony on how I joined the illuminati brotherhood, I was trying to join this organization for so many years now,I was scammed by fake agent in south Africa and Nigeria,I was down,I could not feed my self and my family anymore and I tried to make money by all miss but all invail, I was afraid to contact any illuminati agent because they have eat my money,One day I across a post of someone giving a testimony, thanking a man called mr Emmanuel of being helping him to join the illuminati brotherhood, then I look at the man email and the phone number that was written there, it was a nigeria number I was afraid to contact him because a nigerian agent eat my $5000 and go away with the money then I was very tired, confused and I decided to contact the person that was given the testimony and i called him and I communicated with him on phone calls before he started telling me his own story about when he wanted to join, he told me everything to do, then I made up my mind and called the agent called mr emmanuel and he told me everything to do, and I was initiated, surprisely I was given my benefit of being a new member of the great illuminati brotherhood I was so happy,For those of you trying to join this organization this is your opportunity for you to join CONTACT mr Emmanuel call ( +2349033255083) or WhatsApp him (+2349033255083) or email) illuminati666headoffice@gmail.com

  4. I’m Harry Roy from Austria. I got kicked out by my boss for no just reason, with much pleading to him, he still gave me deaf ears. I was hopeless not knowing what to do next. I got home with soberness, having my roof top to look at, my dog sitting next to me. I’ve beaning hearing on how DR OGUDU have been able to handle more critical problems than mine. Having no other option, I searched on how I could reach him and lucky for me, I was able to get to him through his email (Oguduspellcast@gmail.com). I felt so happy the moment I got response from DR OGUDU, he asked me what bordered me, I wrote him that I was kicked out by my boss and now I’m just like nothing on earth. He gave me six (6) lucky lotto numbers to skate huge money on but I had no idea how to play lotto. I wrote the lotto numbers out and searched online on how to stake on lotto. All thanks to God for making me come in contact with an online lotto player who guided me on how to stake, I did just as the online lotto guidance instructed me. I was surprised when I got a notification from my bank. I opened the message and I was credited by my bank. Indeed, DR OGUDU is a great spell caster and you won’t believe it, until you come in contact with him. My life has moved from nothing to something and my passion for lotto grows stronger. I stake with huge money and I don’t make my staking without writing DR OGUDUfor his special lotto numbers. I want to appreciate my boss who kicked me out of his office because I knew if such never happened, I would still be working for him while he pays me peanut as salary. At times we are bond to face difficulties in life to know our next level and to discover our own destiny. Don’t feel that your difficulties don’t have a solution. Write to DR OGUDU, he’s there to help you out and make you become who ever you chose to be and become successful. CONTACT DR OGUDU AND GET YOUR SOLUTION TODAY
    drogudu.blogspot.com His Email Oguduspellcast@gmail.com or you can text him on he’s number or whatsapp him +1316 844-0076

  5. My Name is Bailee Evie from U.S.A, i want to share a live testimony on how this great Indian spell caster. DR Hortezima was able to bring my husband back to me,I have been rejected by my husband after five years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and with two kids to suffer.I tried all my possible means to get him back to me but it all seems to be in vain, So one day i saw a testimony on the internet about DR Hortezima how he helped one Stephen to get his lover back, although i didn’t believe in love spell, i contacted him because i loved my husband so so much and i want him back, So DR Hortezima asked me some few questions and after he told me that my husband was under love spell from another woman but he is going to help me get back my husband in just 3 days. i was asked to say some mid night prayers, which i did, So surprisingly, the 3rd day like he said My husband sent me an apologizing Text and he started begging me to forgive him and from that day, we became together and up till now, We are in love with each other like never before.Today my family is back again, my kids are happy and we are all happy living fine and healthy, with DR Hortezima all my dream came through in reuniting my marriage,i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back and sole other problems in life because i am now a living example.. Thank you sir. Simply contact DR Hortezima //His Email drhortezima@gmail.com or you can text him on he’s number or whatsapp him +1(512) 942-5736

  6. I had struggle relationship with my husband in the past which led to divorce with my first husband. After i and my ex husband got divorced, i had another chance to re-marry again and just 5 years of my second marriage there was another divorce which almost killed me emotionally. I stayed for another two years been unmarried and a single mother. Honestly I wasn’t really happy it because every woman need a man in her life, there was a time i saw my first husbands photo and i realized how much i loved him and have missed him. I tried to get to him but i was told that he moved on with his life and we may never been together again. I wept bitterly that night thinking i have lost the man that i have had so much love for. I asked for advise on what to do and a friend of mine gave me a contact of Osasu Solution Temple, i consulted him and to his very best with his powerful spells he helped me with a Reunion Marriage Love Spell to returned my ex husband back to me, in just 9 days i had enchanter with a spiritual reunion prayers with priest Osasu everything turn around for good in my life, I am now happily living with my first husband again and sort out the divorce issues. with the help of Osasu temple, his a man of wisdom and care. Thanks and i appreciate all the help you have rendered to get my ex husband back into my life again. I testify here today that Osasu temple is powerful it can resolve all problem in a broken relationship with love once. contact him for solutions to any kind of relationship problem. Email….(drosasu25@gmail.com) You can also call him or add him on WhatsApp +2347064365391

  7. I read some testimonies about a love spell caster by Dr Isikolo on how he has helped lots of people in bringing back their ex lovers within 48hours, Sincerely I was just thinking if that was real and if this man could really help bring back my lover whom I love so much. I decided to contact him because I love my boyfriend very much and we have been apart for a couple of months I really missed him so much, I have tried all other means to get him back but couldn’t.I contacted Dr Isikolo and he told me that my ex will come back to me in the next 48 hours,Dr Isikolo released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. My ex is now back to me again.As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up.All thanks goes to Dr Isikolot for the excessive work that he has done for me by helping me to get back with my ex boyfriend. I would like to drop Dr Isikolo mail address and hope you see this testimony and contact him if you have a lover that you really want back so badly, His mail: isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com You can also Whatsapp him on +2348133261196

  8. I had struggle relationship with my husband in the past which led to divorce with my first husband. After i and my ex husband got divorced, i had another chance to re-marry again and just 5 years of my second marriage there was another divorce which almost killed me emotionally. I stayed for another two years been unmarried and a single mother. Honestly I wasn’t really happy it because every woman need a man in her life, there was a time i saw my first husbands photo and i realized how much i loved him and have missed him. I tried to get to him but i was told that he moved on with his life and we may never been together again. I wept bitterly that night thinking i have lost the man that i have had so much love for. I asked for advise on what to do and a friend of mine gave me a contact of Osasu Solution Temple, i consulted him and to his very best with his powerful spells he helped me with a Reunion Marriage Love Spell to returned my ex husband back to me, in just 9 days i had enchanter with a spiritual reunion prayers with priest Osasu everything turn around for good in my life, I am now happily living with my first husband again and sort out the divorce issues. with the help of Osasu temple, his a man of wisdom and care. Thanks and i appreciate all the help you have rendered to get my ex husband back into my life again. I testify here today that Osasu temple is powerful it can resolve all problem in a broken relationship with love once. contact him for solutions to any kind of relationship problem. Email….(drosasu25@gmail.com) You can also call him or add him on WhatsApp +2347064365391

  9. How can i ever stop saying thank you to Dr Movo, After taking his product today my sexual life is health and balance am living up to my wife expectation. For the past 11 years i have been struggling with weak erection and premature ejaculation. I have spend money on it but no cure until i took this product from Dr Movo just within few days i got cured. for his products contact him email drmovo.supernaturalherbalmedic@gmail.com or WhatsApp/Call +2347061865209.

  10. I know you all out there have read and go through several comments about Ajayi Ololo, I am out here to affirm that those comments are not just comment, As they are sincere and truthful words written by those who have been there and found help in reunion with the one they hold dear to there heart, get there Job back after been sacked, Win lotteries, fixed broken marriages and got different kind of problems solved by this great man called Ajayi ololo. I can tell you this because i also asked him for help to cast a spell to fix my relationship with the only woman i have ever loved after been married to this woman that was carrying my baby. Normally am the kind of person that do not believe in love, As all i do is to work hard to be so rich. But when it came to been Mae it was different i fell for her in every way. Maybe i don’t know what love is because i never felt it for any of one my ex lovers before i got married. Anyway the only detail i can give is that my heart literally beat fast when she was around, anytime she ran his finger through my cheat. I always knew my past will always hurt no matter what i do but i never gave it too much thought because i never thought i will meet this kind of woman. At the time i meant her it was only a while before the relationship became serious because i bet she loved me also. We moved in together and our relationship was the best and i found peace with her. She was kind soft with me always i mean my life was a fairy for a moment. But then again my past life that was to be left in the closet got out. It almost ruined my life i almost lost the love of my life but Ajayi the spell caster help me restored that love that was always there. That is how i knew every comment about this spell caster online is noting but the truth. As i am about to end it here, I know not everybody will believe this, As many will think that its just something on the internet but my heart knows that every of this word to this spell casting temple i am talking about that finally brought Happiness to my life after meeting with every single spell caster online that were frauds and liars apart from him that was opened minded about his work which was so true and real and brought Joy to my life. Am Droping Ajayi contact for those who believe and needs help to fix there life problems-/- ajayiololo@yahoo.com

  11. I know you all out there have read and go through several comments about Ajayi Ololo, I am out here to affirm that those comments are not just comment, As they are sincere and truthful words written by those who have been there and found help in reunion with the one they hold dear to there heart, get there Job back after been sacked, Win lotteries, fixed broken marriages and got different kind of problems solved by this great man called Ajayi ololo. I can tell you this because i also asked him for help to cast a spell to fix my relationship with the only woman i have ever loved after been married to this woman that was carrying my baby. Normally am the kind of person that do not believe in love, As all i do is to work hard to be so rich. But when it came to been Mae it was different i fell for her in every way. Maybe i don’t know what love is because i never felt it for any of one my ex lovers before i got married. Anyway the only detail i can give is that my heart literally beat fast when she was around, anytime she ran his finger through my cheat. I always knew my past will always hurt no matter what i do but i never gave it too much thought because i never thought i will meet this kind of woman. At the time i meant her it was only a while before the relationship became serious because i bet she loved me also. We moved in together and our relationship was the best and i found peace with her. She was kind soft with me always i mean my life was a fairy for a moment. But then again my past life that was to be left in the closet got out. It almost ruined my life i almost lost the love of my life but Ajayi the spell caster help me restored that love that was always there. That is how i know every of this comment is about this spell caster online is noting but the truth. As i am about to end it here, I know not everybody will believe this, As many will think that its just something on the internet but my heart knows that every of this word to this spell casting temple i am talking about that finally brought Happiness to my life after meeting with every single spell caster online that were frauds and liars apart from him that was opened minded about his work which was so true and real and brought Joy to my life. Am Droping Ajayi contact for those who believe and needs help to fix there life problems ajayiololo @ yahoo. com

  12. HOW I GOT MY EX HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF REAL AND EFFECTIVE SPELL FROM DR Osasu
    My name is Hanna Rosin, I never thought I will smile again, My husband left me with two kids for one year, All effort to bring him back failed I thought I’m not going to see him again not until I met a lady called Jesse who told me about a spell caster called Dr. Osasu , She gave me his email address and mobile number and I contacted him and he assured me that within 48hours my husband will come back to me, In less than 48hours my husband came back started begging for forgiveness saying it is the devils work, so I’m still surprise till now about this miracle,i couldn’t conceive but as soon as the spell was cast,i became pregnant and gave birth to my third child,if you need any assistance from him you can contact him via:email: drosasu25@gmail.com Or WhatsApp or call him now: +2347064365391

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.