Being a wife isn’t easy. Being an excellent wife can be really hard, especially in today’s culture.
Biblical excellence in wifehood goes against everything society says a woman should be.
Respect and submission communicate excellence but go against the cultural grain.
And it’s easy to go with the grain, especially when life’s hard or you’re tired.
If you’re like me, some days, you don’t feel like trying to be excellent.
Some days you don’t think your husband deserves an excellent wife. You don’t always get excellent-ness back.
As unpopular as the idea is and no matter how badly it grates on your nerves, it’s biblically sound.
Being excellent doesn’t mean you’re a doormat or you treat your husband like he’s a god.
It may not be as hard as you think. The little stuff you do on a day to day basis can be the difference in a happy marriage and a hard one.
I was excellent. He was the problem.
Becoming an excellent wife is a big challenge, but it isn’t impossible.
We’ve all got faults—I know I do—and we’re all working on them.
Early in my marriage, I thought I was excellent, and he was the problem.
As I began to understand the role of a godly wife, I realized I wasn’t as excellent as I thought.
I also knew if I continued “wife-ing” as I had been, I’d be making a conscious decision to disobey God.
So, what’s a wife to do?
How do you know if you’re excellent or not?
How do you know if you’re excellent or not so excellent? We’re all not so excellent in some way or another. You’ll know where you’re not excellent by the way things roll in your marriage.
If he continually feels disrespected, you’ll know you’ve got work to do. If he continually asks you to spend less, you’ll know you’ve got work to do. If you’re constantly at odds with one another or there’s lots of tension in your house, you’ll know you’ve got work to do.
Blame, animosity, resentment, and frustration were a few of places I needed to do work in my own marriage.
Respect and submission are cornerstones of excellence in wifehood. They’re cousins.
Respect says “I love you” to your man. Unfortunately, as wives, we disrespect him without intention sometimes. Respect helps him believe he can do the hard things but is translated differently by different men. What says respect to one may not say respect to another.
Submission is part of respect. It means following his lead. That doesn’t mean you can’t respectfully disagree. It means you keep the smart remarks and eye rolling to a minimum. Ideally, you don’t make a decision until you agree. But in the event you can’t, you follow his lead unless he’s asking you to do something illegal or immoral.
Respect and submission don’t mean you have no voice.
If you want to be a better wife and have harmony in your marriage, find out what excellence is and try to live up to it.
Will you get it right every time? No. Will you get it right most of the time? Probably not. But you’ll get it right more times than if you aren’t trying at all.
8 ways to be a much better wife
- Ask (don’t tell) him to do something for you so in a way that lets him know you’d really appreciate it.
- Thank him when he does something you like, even if you asked for it or if it’s already his job.
- Assume the best of him and his intentions at all times.
- Respect him.
- Tell him what you admire and appreciate about him.
- Brag about him and compliment him.
- Initiate sexy time.
- Let some stuff go.
I fail daily in my pursuit of excellence.
But God has placed a desire in me to want to be the kind of wife He wants me to be. Not excellent compared to others, but excellent by His standard.
Need skills to build emotional intimacy in your marriage?
- Visit my website and join my private Facebook group .
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to being married to a man who loves and adore her. (Yes, she’s married to the same guy!) Sheila started rocking her marriage when she learned to translate timeless truths into practical skills.
She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.