The Not So Excellent Wife
Looking into online dating was one of the best things I did for my marriage.
When looking for ways to improve my marriage, online dating made me appreciate my husband and want to keep working on our marriage even when things seem tough.
I didn’t actually sign up and pay for the service to improve my marriage.
I checked out a site because a single friend who was using one was having a hard time finding a match.
She discovered (to no surprise) some people lie on their profiles, she received rude propositions and requests, and she read a lot of profiles that made her creep detector go off.
I’m not knocking online dating sites. They work for a lot of people. And they’re really popular.
I dated in the olden days when the only way to meet someone was via social setting or personal ads.
Times have changed. But one thing hasn’t. There are no perfect men. No matter what his profile says.
No matter what his profile says, chances are if you marry him, you’ll have the same kinds of issues everyone else has in their marriages.
Marriage can be hard. And there are no guarantees.
Being married doesn’t mean you’re never lonely or you’re always happy.
It’s one of the greatest character building exercises I know.
Processing this issue with my friend, reminded me of how fortunate I am.
I wouldn’t recommend getting on an online dating site to remind yourself of how fortunate you are.
But here’s what online dating taught me:
1. The perfect man doesn’t exist
You get married with visions of perfect dancing in your head. But somewhere along the way–week 2, month 2, year 2–you realize he’s not perfect. He does stuff that bugs you. He’s not always loving and kind. Sometimes he hurts your feelings. You realize he’s not the man you thought he was. At that point you have two options: Continue focusing on what’s wrong with him or accept what you can’t change and find ways to love him. If you focus on what’s wrong with him, that’s all you’ll see. Someone else may be looking at your man seeing what’s right with him.
2. Learn to appreciate the man you have
It’s easy to complain and compare your husband to other men when things aren’t going your way. The grass always looks greener in your girlfriend’s marriage. Remember, she’s probably looking at someone else’s grass thinking it’s greener, too.
There are no perfect marriages. Remember the reasons you fell in love. He was a great guy when you met him. Focus on what you like and learn to accept what you can’t change.
To build a healthy marriage, appreciate your husband for who he is and learn skills to help your marriage thrive.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
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