How Changing My Mindset Changed My Marriage

How Changing My Mindset Changed My Marriage July 31, 2019

how to change myself to change my marriageWhat if you discovered you can change husband and your marriage.

This isn’t a trick.

The fastest way to change your husband and your marriage is to change the way you think about them.

I changed my mindset and changed my marriage.

I chose to see my husband and my marriage differently.

Thoughts are small, but they’re powerful. And they can control you. They can influence the way you respond to your husband and the way you view your marriage.

Actions stem from thoughts.

Change your mind; change your marriage.

It’s easy to criticize your husband. It’s easy to think about what he does wrong and complain about it. It’s easy to look at someone else’s marriage and wish yours was like theirs.

But what if you tried focusing on what he does right and on what’s good about your marriage?

When you focus on what he does right, you’ll change the way you treat him. When you focus on what’s good about your marriage, you’ll change the way you see it.

When you change the way you treat your husband, chances are he’ll change the way he responds to you.

Sounds simple, but it’s not easy

It won’t happen overnight, especially if you’re in the habit of thinking he’s the problem.

Negative thoughts haunted my marriage for years. I didn’t give my husband the benefit of the doubt. I thought he was 99 percent of the problem. I thought if he’d get with the program, we’d have an ideal marriage.

If he was late, I thought he was inconsiderate.

If he forgot something I asked him to do, I thought my needs and wants weren’t important to him. If he left a mess or didn’t take out the trash, I thought he didn’t appreciate me.

The thought of him irritated me. Would you want to be around someone you constantly irritated? Naturally he wanted to avoid me.

The more he avoided me, the more I thought he didn’t care.

Marriage is a self-fulfilling prophecy

If you think negative thoughts, you’ll see negative behaviors.

Fortunately, the opposite is true, too. If you think positive thoughts and give benefit of the doubt, you’ll see positive behaviors.

Think of how much less conflict and drama you’d have in marriage if you chose to:

  • Be the one who is slow to take offense
  • Be the one who’s slower to jump to conclusions
  • Be the one who’s quicker to give the benefit of the doubt
  • Not try to assume what he’s thinking

Change the way you think about your husband and your marriage and you’ll change them both.

Here are 8 thoughts that can change your marriage

  1. Instead of assuming the worst, give him the benefit of the doubt.
  2. Hear him out before taking offense.
  3. Make mental notes of what he does well and acknowledge it.
  4. Affirm him instead of criticize him.
  5. Speak to him using a respectful tone instead of sounding irritated.
  6. See his differences as necessary qualities you don’t have.
  7. Think of him as your equal, not your child.
  8. Assure him you’re proud of him and happy with who he is.

The way you think about him will change the way you treat him.  When you treat him better, he’ll responds to you differently. He’ll feel better about himself when he thinks you’re happy with him.

Nothing will change your husband and your marriage faster than your thoughts.

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  2. Visit my website,  like my Facebook page and  join my private Facebook group.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian,, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

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