It might not take a fatal blow– such as abuse or cheating– to destroy a marriage. There might not be any big blows at all but just a steady stream of nit pickiness, disrespect, criticism, sarcasm, and lack of boundaries that brings your marriage to a slow, painful end. Are you killing your marriage without even knowing it? I’ve been guilty of sabotaging my marriage. Not intentionally. This Will Kill Your Marriage for Sure Here are 10 ways you might... Read more
Marriage exposed a side of me that had never been so obvious: I am selfish. It’s still only thinly veiled, lurking right beneath the surface. Here’s what I mean. I couldn’t figure out why my favorite shower gel–which I have to drive all the way to the mall to buy– was disappearing at an alarming rate.Then I walked into the bathroom one day when my husband was in the shower. I smelled my gel. It dawned on me; he’d been... Read more
What’s your problem? That was a common refrain early in my marriage. Sometimes my husband’s reaction to something seemed way over the top. What appeared to be a minor thing evoked a response that was waaaaaay out of proportion. He’d turn a 50 cent issue into a $500 problem. That seemed to be a pattern of communication early in our marriage. I’d get angry, withdraw and think, “Get over it” or “What’s the big deal?” or “He’s acting like such a... Read more
It’s no secret, women are notorious for beating around the bush when asking for what we need. It’s just not romantic when you have to Spell.It.Out. when it comes to emotional support. Beating around the bush is a complete waste of time. SPOILER ALERT: Your husband is not going to get it. It seems more romantic if he somehow just knows what you need and gives it to you. But he doesn’t have an Emotional Intimacy Detector. We all need... Read more
Keep your stupid chocolate bunny! That’s what I heard anyway. Do you ever hear your husband’s words through the filter of your hurt and not the way he intended them? Don’t let this mistake ruin your marriage: Listen with your ears instead of your feelings. And learn how to cope when you think your husband has rejected you. I thought an Easter “basket” would be a nice surprise and a way to show my husband how much I appreciated him. I... Read more
Do you like “This is Us?” It’s a popular show on NBC. During a recent episode, Kate suspects her fiancé is viewing pornography. She’s not upset. She laughs it off. In that 10 second scene, NBC normalizes porn in relationships. If Kate laughs when she thinks her fiancé is viewing porn, why can’t you? (He was actually looking at puppies.) Pornography is not funny. Any wife who discovers her husband’s secretly viewing porn knows this. She feels violated and disappointed.... Read more
Of course, I loved him. But I had some other stuff going on that had nothing to do with love. I was ticked. I didn’t know how to let go of hurt and disappointment. I wasn’t aware I had any I needed to go of. Long story short: My husband was part of the reason for the disappointment and hurt. I thought somehow being married would make all the mad go away. It didn’t. In fact, it made it worse. Now... Read more
“Did you get the peanut butter,” you ask as he walks in the door. “Sure,” he says and flashes the jar with a smile. He can tell by the change in your demeanor followed by the release of a long perforated sigh, something is wrong. “This. is. not. the. kind. of. peanut. butter. I. buy. Don’t you ever pay attention? Do I have to do everything myself?” You roll your eyes, snatch the jar from his hands and leave... Read more
TV, a full belly, fatigue, headache, kids, or a fight are some of the ways we avoid doing “the deed.” I don’t know about you, but these are some of the excuses I’ve used to deal with anxiety when I’m battling body shame. Sometimes no matter what my husband says or what the scale says, I still feel unattractive. From the model in the mall window to the mom on Main Street, everyone has some level of insecurity with body... Read more
Remember Robert Fulghum’s book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten ? Life seems so complicated, but he boils it down to a few elementary principles on how to live, what to do, and how to be. Like life, all you really need to know for the foundation of a healthy marriage, you learned in kindergarten. Here’s some kindergarten wisdom for marriage: Years ago, children learned about God in school. Even though kids aren’t taught about God in... Read more
The Not So Excellent Wife
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In