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The Vicar on the New ABC

I was running late and feeling rather gloomy anyway, and it was rainy and dark and Mrs. Witherspoon forgot to turn up to make the tea and biscuits. Everyone was feeling rather edgy when Lavinia started in on the new fellow because he wasn’t in favor of homosexual people being married in church. I pointed out that he was in favor of women bishops, and couldn’t she and her friends compromise just a little. Well, she drew herself up to her full five foot two and said there could never be compromise with injustice, bigotry and hatred towards lesbian, gay and transgendered people.

By that time I’d had enough. I mean to say, I’m a rather mild mannered sort of chap, but I really do despair of our church at times. P’raps this thing about being “all things to all men” is being taken a bit too far. Seems like we’re rather adrift if you know what I mean. No compass. No star to steer by. Everyone making it up as they go along. We’ve lost the plot rather.

I don’t know why we can’t go back to the good old days when everyone understood the heart of the Church of England–to be loyal to Queen and Country–surely that comes first. Then to do the best one can to be kind to others, make room at the table for everyone. You know the sort of thing. The dull routine, the common task. That’s all we ask for–to keep the faith as we’ve always done–Harvest Festival, Mothering Sunday, the Christmas Bazaar, Remembrance Day, the summer garden party in the Vicarage Garden–all the really important things. Now everyone from charismatics to Catholics seem to want to put their oar in. Lesbians and the Virginia Monologues and chaps who’ve made themselves into women and liturgical dancers and taking funerals for pets. What next?

There  now. Sorry I’ve been rather a poor sport. Just that I thought this new Archbishop fellow to be a rather good choice, and I can see it’s all going to be a pretty rough game of rugger for him too–poor blighter.

You can read the whole saga of Rev’d Humphrey Blytherington by using the ‘categories’ tool in the right sidebar.

A new feature of the blog coming up soon will be e-book short stories featuring Humpy, Daff, Rev Lav and the others.