Let’s face it. People break up. You may find yourself moving forward without a partner. In times like these, its best to cut energetic ties so you can truly move on and be ready for the next partner.
I developed these steps many years ago when I was single. It was only after I changed my energy and healed myself that I attracted my life-long partner and husband.
Without any further ado, here are my tips for moving on after a break up.
1. Get your own place
If you lived together, one of you will need to move out. You’ll need your own space so your energy can fully expand and you can grow in a new direction. Having one’s own place will also keep you from backsliding into a relationship with the person again.
2. Change your availability and energy
Boundaries are a good thing. You’ll need to create some and maintain them. For example, I’m never available to my exes for counseling or any calls or texts after 9 pm. Get a few of these practical energy boundaries and write them down so you can be firm when you need to be.
If you had a bad break up, you’ll probably want to delete or block their number. If you must keep their number, change their name to something comical so that when they call, you don’t feel negativity. I’ve changed people’s names to Pig, Fungus, Fartface, and Cucaracha. What did I see when they texted me? It was laughable.
Back to the point — when they reached out, the energy didn’t feel the same. I didn’t feel that pull to be accommodating. It showed me their worse aspects and why I have boundaries.
3. Clean your house
It’s time to walk around your place with a big box. If there are any objects that remind you of bad energy, you’ll need to get rid of them. Even if it’s something nice, it’s not worth keeping if you cringe every time you look at it. Either donate it to a young witch, or give it away to a friend, preferably someone whose house you don’t visit often.
Also, I hate to inform you of this, but you’ll have to really clean your house or apartment. I admit, I have Virgo rising, but trust me when I say this: cleaning your house is the best way to bring in new energy. That’s what you need most right now. Less stagnation. More newness.
Scour the bathroom, wipe up the dust, wash the sheets in hot water, and vacuum everywhere. Perform a whole-house saging and re-blessing, with salt, bells or wind chimes, and moon water. If you do it with friends, even better.
Photo from Flickr, CC2.
4. Make a list of the top 10 things you’ll never miss about that person
I recommend this exercise to all my friends when they go through a break up. Writing a list of a person’s worst attributes will make you see why the break up is a good thing.
Here are some of the things I’ll never miss from my exes (from my lists over several years):
- Farts that sound like trumpets
- Split personality (like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde)
- How his hair cutter always cut his hair too short
- Bologna body odor
- Not having to wonder if he’s really an alien
- Not having to wonder about them at all
Try to make a list of at least ten ya you’ll never miss. If there are more, great! You’ll find things get very clear really fast, and that’s a good thing. It means you’re at the heart of the matter.
Anytime you’re tempted to get back with that person, read the list and remind yourself why you should be grateful that it didn’t work out.
5. Cut energetic ties
Now that you have some objectivity, humor, and space, it’s time to truly cut ties. Imagine the energy link between you. Perhaps it looks like a thick orange cord or a thin silver ribbon. Imagine you have a giant pair of scissors and snip the cord. You can do this with your mind or fingers. Send the energy back to that person with neutral feelings and gratitude, if you can muster it. Whatever you do, don’t send it back with anger. Sending negativity to someone could mean you reap negativity back three-fold.
6. Remove the partnership energy from your auric field
Now that you’ve snipped the cord, it’s time to purge what’s left in your body. Envision that energy from that partnership in your aura. Where do you feel it? What is the color, shape, size, and smell of it? Really feel it and get to know it, then walk out of your place and dump it into the earth. Tell the energy it’s not welcome with you anymore, and that the earth will recycle it for you. When you walk back to your home, draw a sigil on your door that says ‘stay away, Fungus’ or ‘a hedge witch lives here’ or any other empowering message.
7. Replace the energetic hole with something positiveNow that you’ve carved the energy out, you’ll need to fill that hole with something else. Call a friend or your parents. Hang out. Read them the top ten list of things you won’t miss. Read a good book on something you’ve always wanted to research or something empowering such as Witch, by Lisa Lister.
Unless you have incredible self-control, you’ll probably have to cut those ties again — maybe even as much as sixteen times a day. But keep going. It gets better. Soon, it’ll be thirteen times a day, then ten, then five, then two, then one. One day, you won’t feel the tie at all. You’ll be so much more at peace.
8. Feel good in so many ways
Go on dates with yourself. Feel your own energy. Go for a walk and let the wild forest winds cleanse your aura. Take a magical bath with those special salts and essential oils. Lather up and wash everything out of your epidermis.
This is a good time to re-evaluate your deities. Maybe you aren’t so much a Venus babe as you thought. Could it be that she isn’t letting you live up to your whole potential? Could a badass goddess like Astarte be more up your alley? Or maybe you’ll want to turn to one of the virgin goddesses or gods. (By the way, they’re not called virgins because they don’t have sex, but because they belong to no one but themselves.)
Do ritual every other day until you feel your juices running. Figure out what you really want to do. It’s your time to shine, so give yourself permission to do so.
Exercising is a magical practice, and you can invite the gods in to make it even more so. Sweat out the energy, the old, the stale. Burn your old self in the fires of running, aerobics, or hot yoga. Purify that body.
Explore if therapy is right for you. It can be an awesome tool to help you identify problems and avoid them in the future.
Read a book or two about relationships. I highly suggest The Witch’s Heart, by Christopher Penczak.
9. Know that success is the best revenge
One step toward revenge isn’t really one step. It’s more like 50,000 steps. It re-ignites the tie between you, and it can be counter-productive.
Success really is the best revenge. It’s time to pull out your manifestor and bring some dreams into action. Write that novel. Go to improv class. Approach that coven. Take all the classes at Witch school. Write down goals and work toward them. Put the list in a place you see every day. Work them into your rituals and celebrate every small step along the way.
10. You are a totally new person
Congratulations! By this time, you are no longer defined by that old partnership role and energy. You’re willing to commit to your own healing and a better life. Your energy is yours alone, and you’ve earned your own glow. Keep it up!
I wish you the absolute best on your relationship journeys. Please let me know if you have any questions about energetic healing from a past relationship.