The problem with being a healer is that people will take advantage of you. They sense your ability and are attracted to you. There’s something about you that makes them feel good, at peace, and happy.
If only it worked both ways.
If you’re anything like me, after a conversation with someone who doesn’t inspire you, you feel drained. Empty. Bereft. Worn-out. If you talk with this person a lot, you may find yourself using coping mechanisms. Maybe you’re attracted to fatty foods to fill the emptiness. Or maybe you’ll binge-watch several episodes of a show on Netflix, lying on the couch in a daze. Or, maybe you’ll need to take a warm bath doused with essential oils and epsom salts. You might even do all three or more, just to feel “normal” again.
The sad thing is, many times, energy vampires don’t know they’re taking energy from you. They see a soul-light and wander toward it, like moths to a flame. But what’s really sad is when neither party knows what’s happening. If you’re in denial about your healing abilities, you’re part of the problem. When you’re not living your fullest, most spiritually realized life, it’s easy for someone to swoop in, take up your energy and time, and leave you depleted. That’s what we call involuntary healing, and it’s not cool.
That’s why I developed the “Selfish Ritual.” Some could call us “selfish” for reducing our exchanges with energy vampires, but I think it’s a good thing. The term selfish, when broken down, equates to thinking of one’s self first, and being “self-loving.” That’s okay. You should be prioritizing your needs first, just like how we’re told on airplanes to attach our air masks before we attend to children and their air masks. Although not everyone needs this ritual, it’ll probably resonate with anyone who is a healer or an empath.
I’ve performed this many times, always to good results. It doesn’t matter if you believe there’s an involuntary energy exchange, or if you believe someone’s siphoning off you, or if you have a strong neural pathway in your mind that bows down to do whatever others expect of you.
This ritual helps you take back what others have taken away. It corrects energetic imbalances and recharges your soul batteries.
You, when you’re not completely drained
Sage /palo santo / cleansing herb to burn and a lighter
Candle (white, black, or any color that inspires you to raise your energeric vibration)
Hematite or Pyrite, or other grounding stone
Journal and pen
Healthy food or fresh juice (for after-ritual care)
Smudge yourself and the room or area you’re in
Cast a circle with your usual deities
When you are between the worlds, light the candle.
“I light this candle for myself, for my whole self.
May its fire cleanse any impurities from this circle and from me.”
Hold the grounding stone and close your eyes. Mentally scan your body starting at your head, down your shoulders and chest, down your arms, down your belly and back, your torso, rear end, and down your legs, all the way to your toes. Acknowledge and release any tight energy. Relax. If you’re feeling really tense, repeat this exercise from the toes up.
Take a moment to feel your energy and your body. On a scale of 0-10 (0 being exhausted and 10 being overflowing with joy and love), what number are you? Are you still holding onto any tension? Consciously release it.
Breathe a few deep, strong breaths. These should be audible and forceful, but not fast enough that you are light-headed.
When your energy increases a number on the scale of 0-10, shout these words:
“I call back my energy!
I call back my power!
I cleanse myself of other’s expectations!”
Either hold your athame or imagine you’re holding a knife. Mentally or physically, cut any energetic cords that connect you to other people. I like to hand-chop off the cords, as if the edge of my palm is a super-sharp blade. I’ve seen others snip the cords with fingers, in a scissor-like fashion. Imagine the energetic ties that had connected you to others recede away, back to the other person. Keep a neutral or positive emotion as you cut, because angry cuttings tends to just make the energy cord get sneakier, and your back is a blind spot.
The ties have a tendency to reform as soon as you cut them, so cut them several times if you must.
(Optional) If you feel someone has taken energy from you and your energy is very depleted, you can pull the energy back from the other person put it into yourself. You can either imagine the energy coming back into you, or you can snatch it with your hands (while in the circle) and place it back into your energetic field. You should only take as much as what as taken from you. Warning – this is gray magic, and not everyone does well on this path. I don’t recommend this for beginners or anyone who wants to stay in the lightworking field. However, sometimes this is the only way to even the score, especially with energy vampires who are completely ignorant of what they’re doing. If you perform this snatch-back, shift the energy vibration you receive so it buzzes at your energetic field vibration, and does not carry any of the other person’s resonance. It may help to imagine a wall or a veil between yourself and the other person until the next step is over.
Once you’ve secured your energy, hold it in your body and energetic field. Breathe strongly again. Hold the energy intact, close to you, for as long as you can. Integrate it into your body, balance your chakras, and feel it uplift you.
Think about how every interaction is energetic. What have you been letting into your energetic field? Who were you allowing to steal from you? Journal about this, including names or initials and how it makes you feel. Make a pact with yourself that moving forward, you will remove yourself from those people and situations as much as possible. You will engage with them at your discretion.
When you are done journaling, say,
“I am in control of my energetic interactions.
I am in charge of my time.
I am in charge of my energy.
I will choose if and when I heal other people.”
Breathe deep again and begin to heal yourself. Maybe place your hands on your heart or temples. Give yourself the love and attention you’ve given to others. Feel your energy start to expand and further relax the body. This expansive feeling is the one you should be looking for in life. It’s the clue that you’re on the right path. Make a list of people who make you feel bigger, better, more inspired, and commit to seeing them more.
Thank your deities for their assistance and close your circle. Eat some healthy food. Grounding after this ritual is very necessary! Don’t eat the rich, fatty, sugary “escapist food.” Eat something with vitamins and minerals, preferably something made with love. Alternately, you could consume fresh juice. Don’t skip this step.
Keep the candle burning for as long as you can within reason and safety.
Get used to the concept of energy expansion. Move toward that expansive feeling whenever possible. Be conscious of when you feel crappy and what interactions you had leading up to that. Journal any time you wish.
Here’s a challenge I learned from Buddhist teaching – see if you can refrain from talking about / thinking about other people, unless they’re in the same room. Can you do this for a whole week? If you’re motivated to complain about someone, it’s a sign that you’re in denial. It means that a change has to happen in that relationship. Do something about it instead of just talking about it and reaffirming the problem and the energetic ties.
If you start to feel ungrounded or feel your energy slipping away, take a few deep breaths. If you’re in a compromised situation, remove yourself – no explanations needed.
If others’ energies are encroaching upon you when you’re by yourself, say something to ground yourself. I like to say something like, “here I am, driving home in my car, wondering what’s for dinner.” Snip the cords and repeat the ritual, if needed.
When you see the person, reduce interactions with them. If they press you for time, you can tell them you’re busy or not interested in talking, even though you’d spent time and talked before.
As you cut out the energetic vampires from your life, you’ll start to feel more blissful. It’s a life-changing experience, and one I wish for everyone.
Best wishes, always.