Waiting & Anticipation

I do not enjoy waiting. I enjoy it when things happen right away. I enjoy going fast.

I was brought up to appreciate having the right answers. One aspect of “having the right answers” is that getting there does not take very long. It is all about having the answers, not about waiting to get there. It is all about knowing, not about learning.

It is a challenge for me to find value in waiting. Waiting feeds my fears and insecurities. What if the waiting never ends? What if I never get the object of my waiting? What more can I do to make sure that does not happen?

One of the things I like least about waiting is that it is such a tangible demonstration that things are beyond me. I cannot know everything, do everything, make everything right. I cannot prepare for every eventuality. Waiting involves trust.

It is easy for me to see waiting as an indicator that I am not ready or worthy to receive something. I am not good enough, I have not earned something, I need to work harder. if only I were better, I would not need to wait.

Of course, one of the first things I do when I finish waiting for something is start waiting for the next thing.

I usually try to distract myself when I am waiting. I think about all the other things I could be doing. I check my email. Rarely do I tap into the anticipation that is part of the waiting.

The challenge for me is to learn how to wait well, how to wait in ways that feed my soul. The challenge for me is to be open to the waiting and draw lessons from it. The challenge for me is to accept that waiting itself is a gift and appreciate it.

I am still working on that.

What are you waiting for?

[Image by lucidtech]