The Power of Remembering and Forgetting
We spend our lives remembering and forgetting.
Some of the things we most want to remember we forget anyway. We forget how someone looked or the sound of their voice no matter how hard we try to remember. What we remember is some of what they told us or what they taught us and how they made us feel.
There are places we remember even if we do not get everything in exactly the right spot. Some of us remember what we have read or what we have seen.
Then there are the things we most want to forget which we cannot help but remember.
We remember every detail of the moments just before the accident. Disturbing aromas and sensations are seared into our memories.
It may be easy for us to remember exactly why we cannot trust someone, even when we try to forgive. The searing pain of their betrayal remains with us. We remember exactly when, and how, it happened.
It almost seems the people and memories which gave us the most joy fade the fastest. The feelings and frustrations which feed our darker impulses stay with us.
We need to be sparked to recall happiness while what we would like to forget is close to the surface.
Why do we remember what we remember and why do we forget what we forget? How do our memories determine what will shape us and what will fade away?
Can we decide to forget something and put it out of our minds? How do we practice the power of remembering and forgetting?
It can feel as though we have left some memories out and they have become overgrown. Other memories follow us wherever we go.
The Challenge of Remembering and Forgetting
Our minds seem to have minds of their own.
We cannot remember where we put our keys or the single piece of paper we need to complete a project. At the same time, a song we heard decades ago repeats in our minds. Remembering and forgetting seem to have power over us and be beyond our control.
I seem unable to remember or forget at the right time. That person’s name eludes me while I am talking to them, but I recall it hours later. Urgent tasks I want to complete today are forgotten until I am trying to fall asleep.
For me, this is particularly true when I practice stillness. As I relax and open my mind to present moment I remember the emails I want to send.
Why are we not able to get our minds to do what we want them to do when we want them to do it?
Part of our challenge is our minds are more complex than we realize. We are accustomed to being able to think at a high level of complexity and expect to be able to go further.
Our society is not able to produce technology which performs at the level of our own minds. We assume our minds can operate with a high level of efficiency and productivity. It is easy for us to expect our minds to be able to add functions almost effortlessly.
It is not unusual for us to spread the focus of our minds over a variety of simultaneous tasks. We operate an automobile, complicated enough, while we listen to a podcast or music and remember directions. The sensations of eating a meal fill our minds while we also read or watch something on a computer.
Practicing the Power of Remembering and Forgetting
It is not surprising we do not remember when we want to remember or forget when we want to forget.
Our minds operate at a high level of complexity without our needing to think about it. We rarely take any steps to maintain or strengthen our minds abilities to function in this complex environment.
Through our senses, our minds are almost constantly bombarded with new information. Each new taste or aroma gives us more to assimilate and remember. Our minds organize and reorganize this information on the fly. It is not surprising some data can get lost or confused.
When we pause to appreciate stillness we give our minds permission to calm down. We reflect and the spiritual life within us helps us practice the power of remembering and forgetting.
I do not hear many specific messages as I take time to practice listening to stillness. The stillness is not sacred for me because I am told what to do. Stillness is sacred in the work it does within me which I do not remember experiencing.
Part of my relationship with spiritual life is letting go of remembering and forgetting. Ironically, letting go allows me to remember and forget more effectively.
Giving our minds room for remembering and forgetting allows things to sort themselves. We practice the power of remembering and forgetting by giving our minds time to be present.
What Are We Remembering and Forgetting?
We spend our time remembering and forgetting specific bits of information. Part of our frustration is our minds can do so much more than retrieve data.
Our expectations are being able to access particular facts when we want them. We also want to be able to forget things when we do not appreciate their usefulness. Our minds are more complex than that.
We are able to recall and reflect on complex sensations and emotions. Our minds can remember how we felt and why at specific points in our experience. Reflection allows us to take another look at moments which have shaped us.
We clear away the overgrowth and allow spiritual life to heal what has been injured or broken.
Remembering and forgetting is how our minds write the next pages of our story. We remember, and forget, to see beneath the surface in a new light.
How deeply are we remembering and forgetting?
What are we remembering and forgetting today?
How will we practice the power of remembering and forgetting this week?
[Image by Kaarina Dillabough]
Greg Richardson is a spiritual life mentor and leadership coach in Southern California. He is a recovering attorney and university professor, and a lay Oblate with New Camaldoli Hermitage near Big Sur, California. Greg’s website is StrategicMonk.com, and his email address is StrategicMonk@gmail.com.
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