During a couples counseling session, Becca, 36, and David, 38, discuss their ongoing problem with communication and how they argue about how to discipline their two young children. David reflects: “I love Becca and she’s a great mom but she is too easy going with our kids. She gives in a lot when they want to read an extra book at night, for example, which makes their bedtime too late. She says I don’t understand the value of reading but... Read more
During a recent counseling session, Karen and Joshua, in their late thirties, spoke about their finances, and explained how their debt was causing stress in their relationship. Since they are both self-employed and were paid sporadically, it was easy for debt to build up and most of their discussions about money turned into arguments over the past few years. Married for over a decade and raising two children, they had drifted apart and the last thing they wanted to talk... Read more
In my practice, I’ve worked with many couples who complain that the spark has gone out of their marriage and they don’t connect well anymore. I explain that emotional and sexual intimacy go hand in hand and with careful attention to fostering more loving feelings, it can be restored. Marisa puts it like this: “I love Patrick, but I’m just not in love with him anymore.” When Patrick tries to get close to me, it feels like he mostly wants... Read more
Like many of the couples I counsel, Olivia, 38, and Jason, 40, are deeply committed to making their marriage work, but they have drifted apart sexually and emotionally after having three children and maintaining full-time jobs. They are seeking counseling because they want to explore ways to feel closer and more passionate like they did in the early years of their marriage. Olivia put it like this: “I love Jason but it’s hard to find time to be intimate and... Read more
While many couples see remarriage as an opportunity to start fresh start and a new chance at happiness, the statistics reveal a different story with the divorce rate for second marriages being 60-67% compared to about 50% for first marriages. Why is this so? There are many reasons and most of them involve blending people from two separate worlds and adding children to the mix. Add to this financial stress, differences in childrearing and discipline, the stepparent’s role, loyalty issues,... Read more
Typically, anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, panic, or fear that can manifest itself in physical symptoms such as trembling, breathlessness, sweating, numbness, or having hot and cold flashes. When someone is experiencing a panic attack, they may also feel like they can’t breathe and that they are going to die. All of these symptoms range in severity and can be a challenge for a person who is anxious. While approximately 1 in 5 Americans suffer from some... Read more
During a recent couples counseling session, Karen, 37, and Rob, 40, discuss their destructive pursuer-distancer pattern in their marriage. During their ten-year relationship, Karen has felt ignored and emotionally neglected by Rob often and Rob feels criticized, unloved, and unappreciated. Karen put it like this, “No matter how hard I try, Rob withdraws and avoids talking to me when I seek him out. He says that I’m needy and put too much pressure on him and I feel lonely and... Read more
During a recent couples counseling session, Tim, 38, spoke about how overwhelmed he feels when Samantha, 37, gets upset with him and shares her frustrations. According to Samantha, he tunes her out and often retreats to another room or watches sports. Tim reflects: “I love Sam and want to make her happy but when she bombards me with intense feelings, it’s more than I can handle so I usually bail out. I do feel badly and we sometimes talk later,... Read more
By far, this is one of the most commonly asked questions my clients ask me. The reason why this question is so difficult to answer is because every family is different and one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to divorce. Also, the degree of conflict in a marriage plays a large role in children’s divorce adjustment. Whether parents should stay together for the sake of their children depends to a large degree on the level of stress and... Read more
While it is natural to feel hurt when a loved one has done something wrong or said something offensive, taking their actions personally can prolong the process of healing and cause people undue misery. My first experience with taking things too personally in my second marriage was when my husband Craig gave me feedback about my parenting skills. For a few years, I took his comments personally and reacted defensively to his comments. That said, Craig felt I was too... Read more
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