How a Family Meeting Can Help Everyone Communicate

Last updated on: February 26, 2022 at 8:24 pm By Terry Gaspard

As a therapist, many parents complain to me that there is too much conflict and that they’re all going in different directions. As a result, communication between members can be ineffective and tense. This is especially true when parents are trying to raise children and teenagers who participate in afterschool activities and have converging interests and needs. For instance, Alana, 46, a single mom with three children, ages ten to fifteen, wants her kids to get along better, stop bickering... Read more

Intentional Listening Will Lead to Intimacy in Marriage

Last updated on: February 20, 2022 at 3:44 pm By Terry Gaspard

Hi Terry, I hope you can save my marriage. I’ve been married to Kevin for ten years and things are getting worse since we had our second child. He says he loves me and our kids but seems very distracted and doesn’t listen to me. It feels like he wants me to keep my problems to myself so I don’t bother to share anything personal with him anymore. Kevin says I’m critical of him and he is just busy with... Read more

5 Ways to Show Love to Your Partner on Valentine’s Day

Last updated on: February 19, 2022 at 3:33 pm By Terry Gaspard

Victoria, 36, and Thomas, 37, had been attending counseling sessions for over six months and when I asked them what they were doing to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. They both paused and said they weren’t sure. What followed was a discussion of the lack of intimacy and appreciation in their marriage over the last ten years. Thomas reflects, “It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, Victoria’s never happy. Last year, I took her out to dinner to her... Read more

5 Ways to Get Ready for Commitment and Marriage

Last updated on: February 6, 2022 at 4:16 pm By Terry Gaspard

In recent years, there has been a shift in the landscape of family life in America. The share of US adults currently married has declined modestly from 58% in 1998 to 53% in 2019, according to the Pew Research Center. Also, the share of those living with an unmarried partner has risen from 3 to 7% in the same time period. The same study found that married people are more satisfied with their relationships than those who cohabitate. Why do young... Read more

Should You Stay Married for the Sake of Your Kids if You’re Distressed?

Last updated on: January 30, 2022 at 3:59 pm By Terry Gaspard

Whether parents should stay together for the sake of their children depends to a large degree on the level of stress and disruption in family relationships that often go along with an unhappy or conflictual marriage. One show size doesn’t fit all when it comes to divorce. The degree of conflict in your marriage matters a lot and high conflict between parents is detrimental to children. An important question is: would the well-being of my children be enhanced by my... Read more

Do You Want to Improve Your Marriage? Try Active Listening and Validation

Last updated on: January 22, 2022 at 8:27 pm By Terry Gaspard

During a couples counseling session, Becca, 36, and David, 38, discuss their ongoing problem with communication and how they argue about how to discipline their two young children. David reflects: “I love Becca and she’s a great mom but she is too easy going with our kids. She gives in a lot when they want to read an extra book at night, for example, which makes their bedtime too late. She says I don’t understand the value of reading but... Read more

How Dealing with Conflict Can Help Couples Thrive

Last updated on: January 16, 2022 at 7:01 pm By Terry Gaspard

Dear Terry, After fourteen-years of marriage, I’m at the end of my rope. My husband, Ryan is gone a lot and even when he’s home, he’s watching sports. It seems like we have the same arguments over and over again. There’s not much joy or love left in our marriage. Mostly, we argue about our kids, Tyler, 6, and Jessica, age 3. Since Ryan gets home late from his job as a store manager, he mostly wants to play with... Read more

What are the Secrets to a Happy Second Marriage?

Last updated on: January 8, 2022 at 5:00 pm By Terry Gaspard

While many couples see remarriage as an opportunity to start fresh start and a new chance at happiness, the statistics reveal a different story with the divorce rate for second marriages being 60-67% compared to about 50% for first marriages. Why is this so? There are many reasons and most of them involve blending people from two separate worlds and adding children to the mix. Add to this financial stress, differences in childrearing and discipline, the stepparent’s role, loyalty issues,... Read more

4 Ways to Make New Year’s Resolutions That are Foolproof

Last updated on: January 2, 2022 at 1:46 pm By Terry Gaspard

It’s no surprise that most people abandon New Year’s resolutions fairly soon after making them. In fact, studies show that there are many impediments that prevent people from keeping them such as being unrealistic or making resolutions that are too much of a stretch or vague. If you find yourself recycling a goal from last year, consider crafting a new one or editing an old one. For instance, Shelly, 48, crafted the same goal every year of losing 20 pounds... Read more

5 Ways to Let Go of a Toxic Relationship

Last updated on: December 26, 2021 at 6:47 pm By Terry Gaspard

Kyla, 35, sat on the couch of my office telling me about her unhealthy relationship with Keith, 38, and how after ten years, she was still living with him and putting up with verbal abuse and disrespect. Kyla put it like this, “I’m not sure why I’m still with him. The put downs have gotten worse and my self-esteem is at an all time low. The other day I was driving the car and took a wrong turn (because it... Read more