It’s no surprise that most people abandon New Year’s resolutions fairly soon after making them. In fact, studies show that there are many obstacles that prevent people from keeping them such as being unrealistic or making resolutions that are too vague. If you find yourself recycling a goal from last year, consider crafting a new one. For instance, Karen, 42, found herself making the same goal every year of losing ten pounds but never achieved it. But when she combined... Read more
Expect plenty of storms in remarried life. The complications of a newly created stepfamily or blended family can be daunting and it can take years for the family “norms” to take hold. Conflict and rivalries between family members – especially stepparents and stepchildren – can make day to day life stressful and chaotic at times. Adopting realistic expectations will help you navigate these challenges. Most experts agree that it can take a remarried family up to four years to reach... Read more
While it’s normal to desire companionship, excitement, and a sexual relationship after a breakup, it’s important to take it slow so you can assess whether the relationship is casual or long-term when you have children. Ask yourself, “Is my new partner just a fling or does this relationship have lasting potential?” After all, you might have great chemistry with someone, but they might not be suited to become part of your family. Here are 8 concerns many single parents should... Read more
Many adult children of divorce wonder if they can overcome the legacy of their parents’ divorce. They worry about repeating the patterns of the past and getting a divorce themselves. As a therapist and divorce researcher, I tell them, “The challenge of creating and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship is where your parents fell short. But you have an opportunity to learn from their mistakes and build a healthy relationship that will endure the test of time.” There are many... Read more
During a counseling session recently, Megan, 42, complained that her 14 year-old daughter, Elli, was defiant about following her rules, calling her names, and blaming her for the break-up of their family. Her ex-husband, Todd, 44, lived in the same town and didn’t appear to being having the same difficulties managing Elli. Megan said that she felt frustrated, sad, and worried about her relationship with Elli. She put it like this: “I just don’t know what to do with her.... Read more
Many couples complain that one or both partners have difficulty practicing full disclosure about finances and that this had lead to mistrust and poor communication. For instance, Carin, 40, reported that she had incurred $40,000 in debt prior to marrying Thomas, 42, five years ago and he recently discovered this when he saw her credit card statements. Understandably, he felt that he had lied to him and that he could no longer trust her to be honest about finances. Learning... Read more
Recently, many experts have written about the hazards of an emotional affair and how it can erode trust in a marriage. It is a form of betrayal that can capsize a couple’s sense of safety and security in no time. The media tends to portray betrayals as physical affairs; whereas an emotional affair can have the same detrimental impact on a romantic relationship. If you are questioning whether you are enmeshed in an emotional affair, it’s important to define what they... Read more
Infidelity is a common problem in intimate relationships and the mistrust that results can destroy a marriage or relationship. Few things compare to the loss and desolation a person feels when they have been betrayed. With intensive couples counseling, some couples can recover but it is a slow and up and down process that takes a lot of effort on the part of both people. Karen, 44, shares her struggle to regain trust in her husband, Colin, 46, after she... Read more
Do you ever wonder if you’ll get out from under the shadow of your divorce or toxic relationships? Do you worry about repeating the patterns of the past? The challenge of creating and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship is where you fell short. But you have an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and build the kind of relationship that escaped you previously. Allison, in her late thirties, spent over two decades experiencing turmoil in romantic relationships. Because she had... Read more
Dear Terry, When I was ten years old I became a stepchild. When my mom told me that she was going to marry Bill, I hoped that everything would be good in our new life. Like other kids, I’d have two parents living together in the same house. My parent’s divorced when I was six and I don’t get to see my dad much because he moved to another state pretty quickly. My mom even promised me that I’d have... Read more
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