While not an original concept, a family meeting can take on new meaning during COVID-19 when family members are sharing spaces and trying to work and spend leisure time at home. Patience can be in short supply when families have concerns about health, money, lack of childcare, and limited resources. Family meetings can be useful to plan events and to hash out new roles, rules and problems that exist between family members. For the most part, a family meeting is... Read more
When I was a young parent, I was very concerned about getting enough rest and finding time to work and take care of my children. Squeezing in time to spend with my children between work commitments and household chores was a major achievement. and it often seemed like there were never enough hours in the day to juggle all the tasks and joyful aspects of being a parent. However, once all three of my children reached high school, I came... Read more
In The Normal Bar study, the authors collected groundbreaking data from 70,000 participants internationally and found that only 39% of women in their sample (compared to 53% of men) completely trust their partners. The authors ask: What’s wrong with this picture? Why are women more mistrustful than men? The answer may lie in what can be labeled insecurity or a lack of self-trust. One of the hardest things about trusting someone is learning to have confidence in your own judgment. Trust is... Read more
Studies show that apologizing to your partner for hurting their feelings and granting forgiveness are crucial to the success of an intimate relationship or marriage. It’s essential that couples learn the value of sincere apologies and forgiveness. For instance, one of my clients, Lauren, 36, had been feeling resentment toward Kevin, 38, for several months since he loaned his sister money without consulting her. Even when Kevin gave Lauren a sincere apology and asked for forgiveness, she had been holding... Read more
Many couples come to my office for counseling looking for advice about how to express their needs effectively to their partner. For good reason, they often express frustration about not getting their needs met. For instance, Alison was tired of asking Steve to get off of his X Box and go for a walk with her, and to help cook dinner for their family. She had tried many tactics but nothing had worked so far. More importantly, Steve didn’t seem... Read more
Being a mom has always felt like an honor, a gift – something to feel proud of! However, no one prepared me for how much my relationship with my daughters would change as they matured. Too much closeness, misunderstandings, love, and conflicts – there are many ways to describe the mother-daughter relationship and not a lot of research to draw from. Truth be told, I’ve always felt overly responsible for my daughters happiness and sense of self worth. Perhaps it’s... Read more
A healthy, intimate relationship is built on trust and vulnerability which involves sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes. It’s important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems. In a healthy relationship, you can develop tools to deal with them, but not necessarily solve all of them. However, sweeping issues under the rug only works for so long. Because when couples have deep-seated resentment, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over and it can be a challenge for... Read more
In a recent essay for the website Open Democracy, Willem Kuyken analyzes the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic from a mental health stand point, arguing that the crisis is “wreaking havoc… on our well-being… [and] holding up a mirror to our vulnerability in every sense.” I agree with Kuyken that the coronavirus has upended our sense of normalcy and certainty, and the financial instability at the center of many of our lives has brought a collective anxiety to the surface.... Read more
Dear Terry, I’ve been reading your column for awhile and need advice about how to make it through the pandemic without getting a divorce. The problem is that my husband and I are not good at dealing with stress and we’ve really reached out boiling point with home-schooling our three kids, unpaid bills, waiting for the stimulus check, and trying to work at home. Also, I need to tell you that one of our kids has special needs and he... Read more
Many people who are in toxic relationships ask themselves “Why do I fall for partners who are bad for me?” Or, “How can I be sure to pick a partner who is a good match for me?” Maura, put it this way: “I have an instinct to “fix” every man I date. My counselor says I’m co-dependent and that I tend to try to save men who treat me badly. How can I change this pattern around and have healthy... Read more
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