While it’s tempting to launch into expressing anger and to get into the attack mode when you feel hurt or frustrated, it can alienate your partner and drive a wedge between you. That said, you’ll accomplish more and improve your communication if you tell your partner what you need in a positive way. For instance, if Joshua says to Bella “I would appreciate it if you’d tell me about your plans with your family,” this “I” statement would be more... Read more
Mistrust can come in many forms, from suspecting partners of infidelity, to fearing that they will abandon you emotionally or physically. Some people become “relationship junkies” looking for partners to be the salve for their wounds. Others freeze out the option of finding love, for fear of being hurt. Either way, if you desire a healthy relationship, it’s important to learn to trust your own judgment and select partners who are a good fit for you. Additionally, it is possible... Read more
In their book, What Makes a Marriage Last, Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue tackle the topic of how to avoid divorce head on. Detailing the interviews of forty famous couples, who bared their souls, these authors also shared their personal perspectives throughout this entertaining book. Their in-depth accounts of their own forty-year marriage, that’s not perfect, but perfectly wonderful, is truly inspiring. The take-away from the forty celebrity interviews (and one of the reasons why the book is so delightful)... Read more
Intimacy is an important source of comfort and provides predictability in an uncertain world. It’s important for you keep your marriage in perspective. Many people avoid being close to their partner and lose out on the rewards of intimacy such as feeling safe and connected during times of turmoil. Why waste time fearing intimacy? By being vulnerable, you can achieve intimacy with our partner and stand a better chance of achieving long-lasting love. On the long list of factors that... Read more
How can you break the pattern of bitter disputes that can lead to the breakup of a marriage? This is a question that couples often ask me. For instance, Monica, 46, and Jeffrey, 48, seem to have the same intense disputes over and over again and they usually involve their two sons, ages 10 and 12, and how to discipline them. They rarely show appreciation and love for each other and are considering divorce. According to Dr. John Gottman, many... Read more
We’ve long understood the pain and perils of relationships characterized by physical and emotional abuse. The toxic and often tragic consequences of abuse between couples are as wide ranging as they are reprehensible. However, there is another kind of abuse, often obscured and unseen, that wreaks havoc on relationships and leaves dissatisfaction, distress, and divorce in its wake. In a recent article for The Good Men Project, Thomas G. Fiffer explores the silent suffering of those in unhealthy and unloving... Read more
In my opinion, Father’s Day is a great time to reflect on the support that dads provide to their children following divorce. The media often portrays a demeaning image of divorced fathers. The typical divorced dad comes across as self-centered and irresponsible. When was the last time you watched a movie or saw at television show about a loving and reliable divorced father who was in touch with the needs of his kids? Fathers and children suffer from assuming the... Read more
While not an original concept, a family meeting can take on new meaning during COVID-19 when family members are sharing spaces and trying to work and spend leisure time at home. Patience can be in short supply when families have concerns about health, money, lack of childcare, and limited resources. Family meetings can be useful to plan events and to hash out new roles, rules and problems that exist between family members. For the most part, a family meeting is... Read more
When I was a young parent, I was very concerned about getting enough rest and finding time to work and take care of my children. Squeezing in time to spend with my children between work commitments and household chores was a major achievement. and it often seemed like there were never enough hours in the day to juggle all the tasks and joyful aspects of being a parent. However, once all three of my children reached high school, I came... Read more
In The Normal Bar study, the authors collected groundbreaking data from 70,000 participants internationally and found that only 39% of women in their sample (compared to 53% of men) completely trust their partners. The authors ask: What’s wrong with this picture? Why are women more mistrustful than men? The answer may lie in what can be labeled insecurity or a lack of self-trust. One of the hardest things about trusting someone is learning to have confidence in your own judgment. Trust is... Read more
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