Here’s What Really Happens in Marriage Counseling

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:02 pm By Terry Gaspard

As a couples therapist, I’ve witnessed firsthand the benefits of my clients learning to manage conflict, developing new skills for enhancing their relationship, and restoring broken trust. This is what can happen with the support of a skilled therapist. A couple’s commitment to each other can be strengthened by their counseling experience and cause them to feel closer emotionally as a result of engaging in the therapeutic process. In fact, in The Science of Trust, John Gottman says that practicing... Read more

How to Be More Assertive with Your Partner By Using “I” Statements

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:04 pm By Terry Gaspard

Before you can begin to build successful relationships, you must have healthy self-esteem – which means believing in yourself. One of the first things to consider is: how do you treat yourself? No one is going to treat you with respect if you beat yourself up and are not able to ask for what you need. Get rid of all those self-defeating thoughts in your head – such as calling yourself “stupid” that won’t help you express your needs clearly and... Read more

The Benefits of Premarital Counseling

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:04 pm By Terry Gaspard

In her recent article for marriage.com, therapist LaWanda N. Evans, LPC, NCC, argues that couples who undergo premarital counseling will have happier and healthier marriages. While not unheard of in our culture today, many couples view working with a counselor as something reserved for marriage and so this practice is not widespread. And ever more, therapy is commonly seen as a route to repairing an already broken marriage. But rather than waiting until the damage in a relationship is already... Read more

6 Ways to Prevent Resentment From Ruining Your Marriage

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:13 pm By Terry Gaspard

There are many issues that lead to the end of a marriage. When partners have hurt feelings, it can be a challenge to forgive, let go, and move on. However, problems in a marriage such ongoing high conflict or lack of sexual intimacy seldom develop overnight or go away on their own. Resentment is one of the main problems that prevents couples from having a loving, sustainable relationship. It can be tricky because it often masquerades as other emotions — such as boredom and... Read more

After an Argument, Focus on Repair not Damage

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:05 pm By Terry Gaspard

Typically, I explain to couples in my therapy practice who are caught in a pattern of ongoing disputes, that conflict is an inevitable part of an intimate relationship. I also tell them and that one of the main ingredients of a healthy, long-lasting partnership is making a commitment to repair hurt feelings and bounce back from arguments quickly. In over 40 years of research in his classic “Love Lab” studies, Dr. John Gottman discovered that the number one solution to... Read more

Partners Can Show Each Other Love with “Love Languages”

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:05 pm By Terry Gaspard

There are many theories about how we can improve our marriage and ignite passion. One of the most popular was developed by psychologist Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Languages of Love. According to author Gary Chapman, couples will communicate more effectively if they gain insight into their primary way of desiring expressions of love. They can also request that their partner to demonstrate love in this fashion. He explains that deep inside every hurting couple exists an invisible “emotional... Read more

5 Ways Women Can Boost Their Self-Esteem

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:06 pm By Terry Gaspard

The way you feel about yourself today is directly related to how you felt about yourself as a child. If you have a limited ability to see yourself as loveable and valued, you must build a positive sense of self on your own. Although your childhood experiences may have helped create the woman you have become, it is up to you to carve out a new story for your life. Take the time to examine how your relationships have played... Read more

Do Soulmates Really Exist?

Last updated on: November 2, 2021 at 11:31 am By Terry Gaspard

Recently, I had a conversation with a client about whether or not soulmates are real. Our discussion was lively and we touched on some interesting topics such as “Is the idea of a soulmate healthy?” and “Do we have just one soulmate in a lifetime?” While my client and I agreed that there are some definite problems with harboring the idea of a soulmate (and limiting yourself to just one), there appear to be mixed messages in the media on... Read more

What If I’m Not Ready to Forgive My Ex?

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:08 pm By Terry Gaspard

Forgiving is one way of letting go of your old baggage so that you can heal and move on with your life. It’s about giving yourself, your children, and perhaps even your partner or ex-partner, the kind of future you and they deserve – unhampered by hurt and recycled anger. It’s about choosing to live a life wherein others don’t have power over you and you’re not dominated by unresolved anger, bitterness, and resentment. But often forgiving your ex-spouse or... Read more

5 Rituals to Help Your Relationship Thrive

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:08 pm By Terry Gaspard

Couples who have daily rituals of connection and physical contact have a stronger bond. Make your relationship a priority now and you will reap the benefits of a long-lasting union that will increase your mental, physical, and psychological well-being. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore your children or work. However, daily rituals of connection can give your relationship a boost and it will pay off big time! Here are five rituals to help your relationship flourish: Turn off... Read more