A recent survey found that 84% of women and 82% of men in the US crave commitment and report that being married someday is “very” or “somewhat” important to them. That said, many people seek lasting commitment, often in the form of marriage. This can be a healthy desire if we bring realistic expectations to it. But many adults don’t have a healthy template of marriage to follow when it comes to nurturing and sustaining a committed relationship, making it... Read more
Dear Terry, I read your column weekly and think you give good advice. I know my problem is common but I just don’t know if I should stay or leave my partner. We’ve lived together for four years, have a three-year old daughter, Kayla, and fight all the time. I still love Steven but we aren’t happy anymore. Most of our arguments are about small things like who is going to cook dinner or do dishes but we also fight... Read more
The good news is that social awareness, an element of emotional intelligence, is improved through practice, according to Dr. Travis Bradberry. Emotional intelligence is the aspect of our lives that’s unique but intangible. It affects how we manage our actions and words, navigate social complexities, and make decisions. Once you train your brain by repeatedly using strategies to improve your emotional intelligence, emotionally intelligent behaviors become second nature. According to Michael Akers, each one of us must develop the mature... Read more
There are many reasons why people strive to be friends with their ex after a breakup or divorce. One of the reasons is that they like to share resources and help each other out. They still consider themselves to be friends. Shana, 42, a teacher, confides: “I can’t really completely heal from the breakup unless we stay in touch. I know that Jack shares my view, and that’s what works best for us.” Another reason why people want to stay... Read more
During my first interview with Helena and Dan, an attractive couple in their late-thirties, I was impressed with their enthusiasm and commitment to each other. Married less than ten years, they were referred to me for marriage counseling. They have two children, ages 6 and 8 who are well adjusted but have both complained to Helena and Dan that they are tired of listening to them bicker. Dan told me when he called to set up the interview that they... Read more
Tina and Chris, in their early fifties, met through a close friend a year after her divorce and have been married for eight years. Tina didn’t feel ready to fall in love or to enter another relationship so soon after her marriage ended. However, when a friend played matchmaker and introduced her to Chris, Tina finally gave in and agreed to go to a party with him. From that point on, there was a spark, and they spent most weekends... Read more
For some couples, a separation may be a reasonable alternative to divorce if both partners are willing to work on themselves. A planned marital separation can sometimes save a marriage. According to author Tinatin Japaeridze, what some refer to as one’s “need for space from a partner” is a legitimate cry for just that – space. She posits that both men and women sometimes need quiet time to find what’s vital to their relationship. Based on my counseling experience, marital... Read more
What can you do to improve your marriage or relationship when you feel that it’s heading for divorce or breakup? While this is a common problem, the solutions are far from ordinary. The good news is that you’re in a good position to turn around your relationship since it’s usually the person who seeks advice that’s motivated to set change in motion. The number one thing that seems to be breaking up many couples is difficulty bouncing back from a... Read more
After my divorce, my two children (now grown) spend close to equal time with both myself and their father. During a nine year period, they experienced many transitions including a new stepfather, stepmother, and the birth of their sister, who is now twenty years old. My experience with shared parenting was positive because I observed my children maintain a close bond with both me and my ex and grow into successful adults. My research shows that adults raised in... Read more
It takes two special parents to navigate a successful co-parenting arrangement over time. Interacting with each other at drop-offs, making shared decisions, or even speaking to an ex who you’d rather forget can be a challenge. Often divorced parents have a lot of unresolved anger after their breakup which can make moving forward smoothly problematic for their children. What is the solution for divorced parents’ who want to do what’s in the best interest of their children when they... Read more
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