Dear Terry, I’ve been unhappy in my marriage for several years and have tried everything to save it. My husband, Jacob, is very controlling and won’t allow me to further my education or pursue interests outside of our home or my kids. I’m close to finishing an undergraduate degree in graphic art and this would boost my chances of getting a good job. Currently, I work part-time at a print shop and I don’t like it. Before we wed, I... Read more
The best partner will compliment you and bring out your finer qualities. That said, if your expectations are for an effortless relationship, you might be at risk for throwing in the towel at the earliest sign of any discord. Think of how many good relationships have been discarded before they matured, dismissing a life partner while searching for a soul mate. The idea of a soul mate is romantic but unrealistic because healthy relationships are developed and don’t just appear.... Read more
Dear Terry, Brian and I have been married for seven years and things are going downhill. There were a lot of red flags when we were dating but I ignored them because Brian swept me right off my feet and said he really wanted to make a commitment. But it’s becoming obvious that we just don’t get along. We argue over little things and our two kids, Becca, 3, and Patrick, 5, are becoming upset and attention seeking. Becca won’t... Read more
As a marriage counselor, my bias is obviously in favor of couples seeking counseling to improve or save their marriage. The truth is that there are many factors that can impact the potential success or failure of marriage counseling for any given couple. Understanding these influences is important in determining whether or not seeking therapy for problems in your marriage is the best decision for you. Findings from a study in the “Journal of Marital and Family Therapy,” report that... Read more
Dear Terry, I have been married for thirteen years and Derrick and I have three children, ages six through fifteen. We’re both in our early forties and got married on the rebound twelve years ago. This is my second marriage I have a fifteen year-old from my first marriage who lives with us and two younger kids. My first marriage ended badly due to infidelity and my ex cleaned out our bank account. The first few years of my second... Read more
By far, this is one of the most commonly asked questions about divorce. It’s a complex and controversial topic and there are no right or wrong answers. The reason why this question is so difficult to answer is because every family is different and the degree of conflict in a marriage and post-divorce relationships play a large role in children’s adjustment. For the most part, divorcing parents haven’t been getting along for some time prior to separating and their adversarial... Read more
Dear Terry, My marriage has been a challenge from the beginning. My husband Ben and I are both in our late forties and come from dysfunctional families. His parents’ divorced when he was eight and his dad left and never looked back. While my parents’ stayed together, our house was like a war zone and I never knew what to expect. My siblings and I are close but I don’t see my parents much. I want my marriage to Ben... Read more
Julie feels some resentment and anger towards her husband, Evan, since she discovered he purchased a new motorcycle and kept it a secret. Over the past month, Julie has shut down emotionally and she’s been giving Evan the silent treatment. However, she loves Evan and wants to accept his apology because she believes he is remorseful about his actions. When Evan was able to confess his wrong doing and ask Julie to forgive him, it had a positive effect on... Read more
Dear Terry, I was divorced about four years ago and have recently begun dating a kind gentleman who has two children. My two kids, Kevin and Elisabeth, are twelve and fifteen. Kevin seems to be making a better adjustment to my divorce than Elizabeth and he spends most weekends at his dad’s house. Elizabeth doesn’t usually want to go to her dads and she doesn’t particularly like her stepmom who is new in her life. She was close to her... Read more
Mother’s day is a great time to reflect on how my relationships with my two daughters has changed me. When I was young, I made lists of the things that I would teach my daughter – if I was lucky enough to have one. However, it struck me recently how much my daughters have taught me about love, letting go, imperfection, and resiliency. Being a mom has always felt like an honor, a gift – something to be grateful for.... Read more
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