Why I Write Now After Choosing Silence Most Of My Life

Why I Write Now After Choosing Silence Most Of My Life October 8, 2018

I write for the thousands of “It happened to me as well, but I knew they’d never believe me” stories that were posted all over social media in the last couple of weeks. Even more, I write for the “It happened to me, I told someone, and they didn’t believe me” stories that broke my heart over and over and over again.

I write to speak out for those women crushed by male dominanceI have been writing this blog for over ten years now and many of these posts have appeared as well in the Denton Record-Chronicle, the daily newspaper for the great, and very conservative, city of Denton, TX.

I’ve sought to write thoughtfully about various factors influencing the religious world, about our triumphs and scandals, our and holidays and traditions, our problems and our future.

I’ve written a great deal about the worldwide interplay between religion and politics. I’ve written to offer the perspective of a theologically trained and educated female in a highly male-dominated field.

For years, I wrote weekly for that newspaper, and for a short period, even got paid a pittance for each column. Now, I write bi-weekly, but was told that the newspaper could no longer afford even that pittance. I kept writing nonetheless.

Many in that conservative city have not liked my columns. Multiple letters to the editor reflected their dislike. I no longer have the weekly platform because some of those objectors prevailed. The conservative male voice, massively dominant in religious circles, gets equal time.

Time for privacy has passed

In these years, I’ve offered occasional snippets of my personal life. I don’t think one can truly separate the personal from the theological or political. However, I’ve been careful there, increasingly protective of family, friends, and my privacy.

Today, I depart from that writing philosophy. I depart because the last two weeks in the political world have brought up for me memories long set aside. I write, afflicted by hives and dried out by tears, both outward expressions of my inner turmoil.

I was raped in college. Typical date-rape situation. Yes, I had a drink and was not accustomed to alcohol. I was utterly shocked, however, by what happened. I doubt seriously, however, if the young man involved has any memory of it—just a routine date for him, after all.

I don’t remember where. I don’t remember when except I was 19. I do remember being raped. There were no witnesses. No one can back me up. And I am 100% sure who did it.

I never said a word about it. As a perceptive columnist in the Washington Post noted, one reason was that I didn’t want to hurt my father, who knew the young man in question. I didn’t want to see his anguish or experience his anger. I didn’t want him to go out in a murderous rage and bring disgrace on our whole family.

The 20th year resurrection

I buried it. And it stayed buried for 20 years, my hidden trauma, my hidden shame.

One morning, on that 20th year later, I was sitting at the breakfast table reading the morning newspaper. I saw an article about teaching young women self-defense skills.

In those classes, the women were taught to scream “NO” with all their might as they learned to go for the tender areas that might fend off a male attacker. I read of the women in the class practicing these techniques with tears streaming from their eyes as they fought their demons of unwanted memories.

I write of the end of my first marriage because I challenged his spiritual authoritySuddenly, I slammed my fist on the breakfast table. I screamed, “NO, NO, NO.” My psychic pain ripped my soul apart.

The entire scene replayed itself over and over and over again. I still did not speak of it. I had a husband and three sons to care for. Silence remained the safer choice.

It was around this time that I began to pursue what I knew had long been God’s call on my life: to enter the ministry. It was also part of my quest to make sense of a religious world that seemed to value me, as a woman, very little.

During of this journey deep into the Scriptures, my first marriage irretrievably dissolved. My increasing skill at reading and interpreting the Bible, primarily because I was one of those who easily mastered both Greek and Hebrew, challenged his spiritual authority.

Also, as I read the Bible in languages far closer to the original texts, my eyes opened to the male bias in our most popular English translations.

Anger spills over

I became angry. That anger, my skill at biblical interpretation, and my willingness to challenge authoritative church structures threatened the delicate balance of my marriage. I had made it work until then because yet again I had chosen to silence myself about the dangers to me of our private dynamic.

My anger, something most men find unacceptable in women, spilled over. He responded in kind and was far more skilled in his use of it. My choice: either I continue to silence myself to keep my husband happy or . . . and yet again, it is better to keep silence.

I became severely suicidal. To keep silence meant denying my brain, my studies, my deepening relationship with God, the essence of my soul. To keep speaking led to utterly unacceptable outcomes. Eventually, my physical death seemed the only way out.

In the end, I chose life, but it was a close call. In the process of ending my marriage, my pastor, one of those conservative theologians who felt that women need stay in “complementary” roles to their husbands, phoned. He called me an “evil and rebellious woman.”

Those words cemented in my mind the need to discover what holy grace was all about. I found it in the world of United Methodism where grace abounds–or at least it did at one point.

It took nearly 10 years after that for me to finally become an ordained clergywoman, eventually earning a Doctorate in Ministry, deepening my educational foundation. I served with joy in that capacity until my retirement in December 2013.

In these years I have spent nearly every waking hour, and many sleeping hours, seeking to love God and love people, to do as much good as I can, to avoid evil, to be a healing force in a broken world.

Two weeks ago, one lone woman, utterly terrified, offered the world the vulnerability of her memories. The world of white, male, often Christian, privilege heaped anger and shame on her. They, yet again, silenced her, saying her voice carries no weight.

Everything cracked apart for me yet again.

Yet now, yet again, the world makes no sense to me. Again, my inner anguish spills out in the messiest of ways. Again, the female must keep silence.

To write or not to write

I have often thought about discontinuing this blog and my newspaper columns. I write slowly—it takes a lot of time to seek to be thoughtful about all that is going on.

In the most unexpected circumstance of my retired life, I met and married a truly wonderful man, a man whose primary life purpose is to spoil me and make sure I never want for anything again. He’s doing an admirable job in his quest. Our companionship spills over with love, joy, charity, meaningful work, romance, travel and enough adventure to keep our minds stimulated and our bodies moving.

It’s a beautiful life.

As my anguish grew in these last few days, I posted on Facebook about the situation with the hives. I knew only too well that many who read my posts, most of whom call themselves Christian, those who support Mr. Trump and Mr. Kavanaugh, would rejoice in their triumph and laugh, at least secretly, at my suffering.

I also received in return beautiful, kind, and comforting words. And many came from those white, older Christian men who are utterly appalled at what has happened. They came from tender hearts of strong, vocal men who are not afraid of strong, vocal women.

The world, to be healed, must learn to listen to the female voice, and not just the female voice, but the voices of all who have been oppressed and silenced.

Anger helps here. Anger that, in this case, most properly reflects the anger of God who, in the Holy Scriptures, expressed wrath on those who afflict the already afflicted, who silence the already silenced, who rob from the already poor.

That is righteous anger. That is energizing anger. That is holy anger.

And so, I choose in this day to keep writing.

I write for the infertile Afghan women who, desperate to produce male heirs, find themselves victim to a conman who says to these women, “I can solve your problem” and then proceeds to have sex with them and blackmail them later. When discovered or suspected, their husbands then keep their “honor” by killing their wives.

I write for the Yazidi women who were forced into sex slavery by religious extremists, sure that they raped at will in the full pleasure of whatever it is they worship.

I write for the women caught up in the “Quiverfull” movement who are told their purpose in life is to breed as many children as possible and never, under any circumstances, refuse sex to their husbands.

I write for the Muslim Rohingya women, brutally raped by the Buddhist Myanmar men after killing their husbands and throwing their babies into the fire.

I write for women quietly swallowing their daily antidepressants and often suffering with anti-immune diseases so they can keep their anger stuffed inside while being outwardly sweetly subservient to their religious husbands and demanding sons.

I write for the still unheard voices of our LGBTQI communities that my denomination, The United Methodist Church, the place I found grace, cannot extend grace and full welcome.

I write for the myriads of “It happened to me as well, but I knew they’d never believe me” stories that were posted all over social media in the last couple of weeks. Even more, I write for the “It happened to me, I told someone, and they didn’t believe me” stories that broke my heart over and over and over again.

I write because now one-third of the male justices on the United States Supreme Court are credibly accused sexual predators and we have one admitted sexual predator as President of the United States, a President who mocks women in every egregious way possible. I write because the male-dominated religious world put them there and has no problem with their proclivities.

I write because if I don’t write, I will leave behind my calling, my baptismal vows, my passions, to stand against oppression in whatever form it takes.

I write, therefore I am.

Artist: David Hayward, used with permission.

Photo Credit divorce:  Visualhunt,

Photo credit typewriter: Photo on Visualhunt.com

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  • Steve in AZ

    What a brave piece to write. Please keep writing. You show more courage and love than I ever could were I in your situation. And as the evil trolls come out of their slimy holes to castigate you in the comments below, I hope you will have the grace and fortitude to keep on in spite of their organized campaign to drive you from here.

  • Robert Limb

    I am one of those elderly (well, I’m in my sixties) male Christians, and I have read this with tears in my eyes. I don’t claim to know as a woman can know, but I acknowledge the truth of what you write. And I do know about thinking of death as the most attractive option. Well done. Do not lose heart.

  • Your college story could be mine as well. I’ve been letting the pain out in tiny bits for nearly forty years now, almost certain that actually releasing it all might rip me into pieces. For the last few weeks, it’s been building faster than I can get rid of it. I understand so well that sense that death is the best option.

    I’m not going to take that option. But I really get it.

    Thank you for what you’ve shared here. I feel your love and reach back to you with the same.

    • Thank you. I admit the writing of this piece, as difficult as it was, also became quite cathartic to me and I feel much freer.

  • CroneEver

    Blessings on your healing. What kept me going through the worst of the triggers was “Don’t ever let that bastard win”, because the truth is, healing the body is easy. It’s healing the mind and the heart and the soul that’s so hard and takes so long. Keep healing. Keep writing.

    • Linda Coleman Allen

      And I wish the same healing and blessings on you.

  • LuckyTN

    I was sexually assaulted at age 15, 1965, and told nobody until 40 years later. Today, I’m 69 and that attack is as vivid a memory as if it happened yesterday. I have often wondered what my life would have been like if that assault had never happened. I know one thing; I was attacked 4 miles into a 6 mile run when a nude man grabbed me from behind. I stopped and the snarling look on my face made him run. i chased him until he zipped over a 6 foot hurricane fence. The last time was just before twilight and I’d just gotten off work. As I walked to my car, a man tried to grab my purse, which I had been wearing crossbody for several years. That LARGE, leather, packed bag became my weapon. I grabbed it off my body and beat the mess out of that men. He ran off screaming. Never again, and I believe never acquiesce but fight because your life depends on it.

    Thank you for your article. Pease and love from the October 2018 hurricane alley (central NC).

    • Linda Coleman Allen

      Thank you for speaking out. I have to smile when I think of you snarling at that man and him running away. Cowards, aren’t they? And you beat the second man! Wonderful. You and I are the same age. God bless you and thank you for your bravery and your sharing.

    • What a powerful story–and I love how you turned your rage into power and protection. We must teach the next generation how to do that.

  • Ruth Burton

    Thank you for writing ! I’m glad you’re here to give voice to this pain .

  • Debra Masters

    I have struggled with the dominant patriarchal culture my whole life. It mostly drove me out of church. I appreciate how you stayed and studied and found a way. Thank you for sharing this! #MeToo

    • I can certainly understand why it would drive you out. If was very hard for me to stay in, but I knew I must.

      • Debra Masters

        I have since come back, tentatively. I left “church” not God/Christ. But I am careful of the churches I attend, making sure they are more female supportive and less controlling. Far from the Mormon then Southern Baptist where I began my church life as a young adult. It can be done, as you so clearly know and show in your post!

  • I’ve never commented on a post here before, but events of the past couple years have reinforced to me that patriarchy relies on our silence. I, too, have suffered violence at the hand of a man, as have virtually every woman I know. Most of us were treated anywhere from badly, to dismissively if we talked about it. The people most likely NOT to want to hear about these things were my fellow Christians, especially pastors.

    I applaud you, Christy, as well as other brave women who step forward to tell their stories. Thank you for speaking up and as a fellow resident of Denton, I encourage you to continue writing! Your voice is important.

    • Linda Coleman Allen

      Thank you Karmen for recognizing the importance of speaking out. It is so hard and no one wants to believe you or they want to blame you. Men have been getting away with this for way too long.

    • Thank you. Silence does indeed let the patriarchy win–only by shouting these things from the rooftops will we see substantive change. But it is hard, so very hard, to speak up.

  • Linda Coleman Allen

    Thank you for your bravery. It is indeed hard to share this with anyone, what’s more to put it in a column for everyone to read. You are a true leader and a compassionate person of God.

  • Valerie Ohle

    Why does this platform not have a “love” reaction button? Why, why, why? Thank you for all you said. Thank you for your wisdom and insight. Thank you for deciding to continue writing. God’s gift of wholeness go with you.

  • Reese

    Raising daughters in these times was not easy! The devil can come at a young girl from so many different directions it is near impossible to keep up. Just keeping the girls from naturally wanting to look attractive meant many “you’re not going out dressed like that” moments and I could never understand why my girls would consider dressing like that…
    First thing I always suggest to young parents is to assume the worst. Prepare the girls. Not to take love and trust away from them, but help them understand that there are bad people. So,
    1) Do not dress or act in a way that might not be understood
    2) Remember that men are usually larger and stronger so avoid situations where you are totally alone.
    3) Stay in control of yourself. Stay sober. Stay awake. Stay in the crowd.
    4) Have your keys ready, look around, unlock the door, get in and lock it behind you FIRST.
    5) Understand the natural tendencies of males is to be aggressive. Most control it, a very few cannot. Unfortunately, they don’t come with labels. Enjoy the party, but stay in control.

    It worked for us. Let me also interject here that MOST men are good. We do not hit, we do not rape, we do not abuse. My three daughters never needed counseling or medical care by my actions. I am the normal, everyday man, just like most of us. These days, men in general are being smeared and we do not deserve it. We’ve worked, shared, loved, cared, supported, entertained, educated and walked them down the aisle. Never forget we are there and its unfair to condemn us all.
    &&&& Never forget that our system of justice, certainly not perfect, but the best I know, requires PROOF. There is “Due Process” which requires certain things. Whether groping or rape or bicycle theft, timely reporting with proof and witnesses to corroborate the story are needed for conviction. Without those, a sobbing story just does not meet the requirements. Dr. Ford, the catalyst of this discussion, had nothing but tears and mostly blank spaces in her memory…

    • Yes, the legal system requires proof. So, all men need to know is make sure there are no witnesses to their sexually predatory activities and they’ll all get off scott-free. Simple. And disgusting.

      • Reese

        We agree. My point 2 above to my girls and women in general.

        • Wile F. Coyote

          I am male. I do not feel condemned in any way by #metoo. I dislike your malesplain condescension and so-called “advice”, and do not expect many women would appreciate it.

          • Reese

            I’ve worked too hard to be a good man to my wife and 3 daughters and the women I have worked with over the years to not be insulted by any insinuation that “men” are evil. P.S. I have also met some evil, conniving women in my time…

          • Barros Serrano

            You’re evil. Not for being male. For being a virtual fascist.

      • Dax Williams

        I really liked this post. The part about learning language was particularly interesting to me The Dead Sea scrolls were found over a half century ago and no translation but many excuses

      • Tiny J

        I’d rather see 100 criminals walk free than one innocent man imprisoned.

        • Reese

          Really? What if one or two of those 100 criminals raped/killed your wife and daughter?

          • Tiny J

            Yes, even then.

          • Reese

            Do they know?

          • Tiny J

            Yes. It’s why they carry guns.

    • jekylldoc

      Wait, wait. The natural tendencies of males is to be aggressive, yet you say men are being smeared? This is a list of rhetorical points, not a considered position. Society has a responsibility to take sexual assault seriously, and it is gradually waking up to that.

      • Reese

        Most of us take sexual assault very seriously. Unlike Hillary and Bill or friends of that Weinstein abuser, we protect the ladies all we can, we even try to keep men out of their restrooms! But, we do not take seriously unproven, unsupported fibs or hallucinations of sexual assault, especially those of 3 decades, where none of the named witnesses can recall anything of the story, whose house, what night, what year, who took Ford home, who brought her – nothing, zip, nada, zero! For sexual assault, that Ford was a lemon and she trivialized those stories of true victims. Shame on her and shame on the Dems who used her!

        • jekylldoc

          Well, considering the fuss made over due process, you are certainly willing enough to dismiss Christine Blasey Ford without it. You all on the far right know that the investigation was cut short and the goal was never to understand the evidence about the behavior or misbehavior of Justice Kavanaugh. I’m not here to re-litigate the confirmation process. It obviously was what it was. But I have trouble with a post in which men are “naturally aggressive” but most men “control it” then turning around to say we are being smeared. You just did the smearing yourself.

          You do understand that the point of getting stumbling drunk is usually to stop “controlling it” with judgement, right?

          • Reese

            Investigation cut short? When the four witnesses she named as being there can’t attest to any of her claims, not sure what 100 witnesses more who were not at the party, whenever or wherever she can’t remember it was, could possibly add…

          • jekylldoc

            Oh, yes, cut short. As y’all know very well. I have a strong feeling that Mark Judge, whose book included character Bart O’Kavanaugh who now denies being blackout drunk, could shed a lot of light on the credibility of the justice. As could the guy whose house Ford remembers particular details from, and the witnesses at some of the other reported incidents. There is a reason why the American Bar Association called for a real investigation, and why 2400 law professors called for him to withdraw. You will say it was politics, but we know nearly for certain that Trump would have put up an even more doctrinaire conservative, in Amy Coney Barrett, and she would not have had any sexual assault allegations to face. No, it was obvious to all that the one-week “investigation” was a fig leaf.

          • Reese

            Hot News: The American Bar Association (ABA) is dropping its review of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s “well qualified” rating, saying it is no longer applicable because he was confirmed to the high court.
            An ABA source speaking on the condition of anonymity told CNN the association ends ratings processes when nominees are confirmed.
            P.S. That “professors”, who are generally very out-of-touch liberals, were against Kavanaugh is MORE reason to believe in him than to doubt. The fact that they are all probably very upset right now gives me a warm inner-glow which will comfort me through the long winter! Languishing liberals are so comforting…

          • jekylldoc

            This post is an excellent example of why the far right has given up on appealing to logic and reason to make their case. The ABA stopped their review because it was Overtaken By Events – and you proclaim this as though it means they changed their mind. No, what it means is that there was good reason to railroad the nomination, from a political point of view, because the longer time went on, the more the facts about Kavanaugh kept crawling out from the cracks.

            The idea that “out of touch liberals” are the only ones who care about sexual assault allegations, or injudicious displays of temperament that confirm injudicious behavior in the past for political advancement (by which I mean the disgraceful drawn out investigation of Vince Foster’s suicide, and the equally disgraceful lies about not knowing the nature of the emails stolen from the Democrats in 2003) shows the way the right has taken to naked tribal aggression in response to reasonable discussion. If you can’t argue the facts or the law, call them names.

          • Reese

            There is no logic and reason in an environment of Mad-Max Waters, Crooked Hillary, Up-Chuck Schumer, Crazy Bernie, Elder Nancy, and Pocahontus! There is laughter. And laughter is good. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/54fc85e8bc66c36a292b2006566a3af53f017e51527bbb2dcd4b54eee29a3076.jpg

          • There is no logic and reason in an environment of Mad-Max Waters, Crooked Hillary, Up-Chuck Schumer, Crazy Bernie, Elder Nancy, and Pocahontus! There is laughter. And laughter is good.

            I can’t believe I even bothered responding to you as though you were a sane adult above. (I should learnt to read ahead.)

          • Reese

            Oh, sir, you cut me to the bone! Here I am, vet of the Viet war, a father of daughters (at which I faced more combat than during Nam), a proud graduate of The University, a world traveler of 26 different countries on business, a golfer at one point of 9 hdcp (not now, I’m elderly), and you disparage my sanity? Well, I never! But, I will admit, that irritating liberals is, next to my Metamucil Margaritas, the most fun part of my day!

          • Barros Serrano

            You don’t irritate me, misfit. I just order another box of ammo in expectation of your idiotic white-right uprising which will occur, incited by Trumpolini, after y’all lose the Midterms.

            You “upset” me in the same way the Nazis would have “upset” me in Germany 1930.

          • Barros Serrano

            Your adolescent name-calling reveals the utter vapidity of today’s conservatives. You have no ideas, but you vote in droves in response to every snarky paranoid scapegoating ploy used by the utterly amoral GOP.

            Do not pretend you are anything close to patriotic.

          • Reese

            Excuse me. We conservatives are not advocating violence and confrontation like Maxine, Hillary, and the rest. None of my guys shot at congressmen. We didn’t run through the halls of congress like retards. We do not pay social misfits to go harass leaders. We let people eat their meals without interruption… You just dream on, but the truth is as obvious as the lies in the Ford testimony. Enjoy your fantasies.

          • Barros Serrano

            Trumpolini encourages violence at his rallies. The white-right is armed and angry. I live near Charlottesville so don’t tell me this isn’t a real problem.

            Who is paying misfits to do what? You’re delusional. You object, it seems, to anyone expressing their political desires.

            We advocate democracy and decent leaders. You have voted in a vile criminal miscreant, and the whole world has taken notice. You are trashing this country.

          • Barros Serrano

            Thanks for yet another object lesson in the DANGERS represented by the Right in this country today.

            Anti-intellectual, caring nothing for rights or justice, snarky and partisan to the point that I have armed myself against the very real likelihood that you Trumpistas will break out in violence after you lose Congress in the Midterm election.

            Dangerous, treasonous… and don’t think you aren’t being watched.

        • Barros Serrano

          Protect the “ladies”? How condescending and patronizing, pure sexism.

          And you advocate that women take on the responsibility to not be raped… this is reminiscent of the rapist’s defense atty asking the victim, “And how short was your skirt on the night in question?”

          By your logic we should simply force all females to dress in burkas.

    • Are you really that oblivious!?

      Taking these revelations of suffering personally? An attack on men in general? Defending Kavanaugh after that “fig leaf of an investigation“, (and Trump as well?). What,…for the sake of the Republican agenda?

      It is about them! Not us! It is for us, and them. For the betterment of society

      Yes of course Women need to take the risk and bring these things out in the open immediately, and most likely they will begin to, going forward from this era, inspired by stories like this OP.

      But apparently they will be coming up against responses like your’s for some time to come. Hopefully not too long.

    • anono

      The devil !!!!!!

  • Tiny J

    There’s a very disturbing thought pattern I keep seeing repeated on “pro-woman” blogs/vlogs. There is an idea that it is the government’s job to keep women safe. The Constitution is built around the fact that the government cannot be all powerful. It cannot catch every criminal. It cannot punish every evildoer. The belief that “If only someone would do something to stand up for all of the things!” is idolatry. Pure and simple. A woman has the right to expect her husband (not society!) to protect her. She does not have the right to supplant someone else’s rights out of revenge. Revenge is never holy/righteous.
    Evil men get away with evil deeds. God said “Vengeance is mine.” It is not to be administered by popular opinion. It is better for evil men to walk free than it is for good men to be punished.

    • jekylldoc

      This would sound a lot better if you had the same attitude about property. Yes, government is charged with enforcing the laws. We know it will not be perfect at this, but we also know that misogyny is making it a lot worse than it should be.

      Claiming that enforcement of the law is idolatry is one of the wackiest, most baseless things I have ever seen on the internet. Congratulations.

      • Tiny J

        No. Believing that the government can fulfill the role that only God can fill is idolatry. Your asking something of the government you have no right to ask.
        Misogyny is not preventing women from carrying firearms. The law is not preventing this (60% of rape attempts are successful…unless the woman has a gun. Then that number drops below 3%).
        I don’t know what you mean when you say “This would sound a lot better if you had the same attitude about property”. This sounds like you’re implying I think women are property. Which is incorrect.
        I make no claim that “enforcement of the law is idolatry.” This is incorrect. I said that the law exists to punish people after the fact. The law does not provide safety. It only allows you the ability to make yourself safe.
        It’s one thing to disagree with someone. It’s a logical fallacy to deliberately lie about what they said to produce the illusion of superiority.

        • jekylldoc

          I was not implying women are property. I was simply suggesting that if someone took the same attitude about property, “not the government’s job to protect that” you would see what an inappropriate position you are taking.

          Government enforcement of laws against sexual aggression has been weak because of misogyny. It would never be perfect, but it does not need to be biased in favor of men.

          Evil men do evil deeds. Like lying about their drunken behavior in school. Sometimes they get put on the Supreme Court.

          • Tiny J

            It isn’t the government’s job to protect your property. It’s the government’s job to leave you alone and let you do it yourself.
            I’m pretty sure “government enforcement of laws against sexual aggression” isn’t weak. Last I checked, every sexual predator who is found guilty in a court of law gets jail time and is labeled as a felon for the rest of their life.
            Who lied about drunken behavior in high school? What proof do you have? Why didn’t you come forward with this proof?

          • jekylldoc

            Numerous people came forward who contradicted Justice Kavanaugh’s claim never to have drunk to the point of blackout. His friend who was present at the incident in question wrote extensively about it before any accusations were leveled. The question is not why I didn’t come forward, the question is why a fig-leaf one week investigation was considered sufficient when the nominee’s credibility was already exposed as seriously compromised.

            “It isn’t the government’s job to protect your property. It’s the
            government’s job to leave you alone and let you do it yourself.” Sorry to say it, but I see no point in discussing anything further with a person of such extreme views. If we can’t agree on such a simple thing as enforcement of the law, then we can’t communicate constructively.

          • I just this moment found this quote by Parker palmer:
            “We are participants in a vast communion of being, and if we open ourselves to its guidance, we can learn anew how to live in this great and gracious community of truth.”
            https://onbeing.org/blog/from-language-to-life/ https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/765fc31996b5c0164360d8e93c43ea5577a97bf7711a785b2379b1b504f37cbf.png

          • jekylldoc

            It sounds like such a simple thing, living in truth. Palmer is very good on the ways it isn’t simple.

          • jekylldoc

            I remember him mentioning his depression in one of his books (I think I have read two.) I didn’t get an impression how serious it was. Four times round sounds tough to deal with.

          • Barros Serrano

            Reminds me of the “glorious community” in which Dr. King believed. Based on Christian values, he asserted that we are indeed our brothers’ (and sisters’) keepers, and do have an obligation to be concerned for the welfare of all.

            It is for this reason that no Christian can be a conservative in this country without grossly contravening the teachings of Jesus.

          • conservative/ liberal? MHO concentrate on the similarities… We’re all going to die someday. And suffering like Christ’s is the golden key… if we suffer like he suffered … this is what I consider when I go out every day into the world with my of poverty, depression, disability. If you look into my face you see Christ… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8981f268f039a0f75e8fca197d0be7e6a76a30d8034852e902e6b6e331cbe852.jpg
            Matthew 25:40:
            Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
            Galatians 3:
            27For as many of you as were baptized, into Christ have put on Christ.
            28There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

          • Barros Serrano

            Thank you for this post.

            I think I am not Christian precisely because of so many who did not care how others were treated. I’d go to church with people who called black people “N—” and so on… and I kept on insisting that we had to pay attention to Matthew 25. If we are kind and helpful, or if we are cruel and apathetic, either way, we are doing it to Jesus, essentially.

            I still try to live by those teachings though not Christian.

          • Tiny J

            “If we can’t agree on such a simple thing as enforcement of the law” was my original point.
            Pretending that the law can prevent bad things from happening to you is idolatry. The law’s job is to punish people after the fact.
            Heck, even the author of the article has a comment on this thread that reads “It’s disgusting that all men have to do to get away with a crime is get away with the crime” as though the only reason bad things happen to people is because the law applies equally to everyone, regardless of your personal feelings about how heinous the crime they are accused of (not even convicted) is. That’s elevating government power to the point of idolatry.
            BTW, the one week investigation was considered enough because the accused had already been subjected to 6 FBI investigations and the FBI isn’t responsible for 30 year old misdemeanor sexual assault investigations where the accuser can’t answer basic questions like who, what, when, where, how, or why the crime happened and every would-be material witness contradicts the accuser’s story.

          • jekylldoc

            We are talking about a Supreme Court nomination. You might decide, for political reasons, that the FBI should have found what was going on with Kavanaugh in their earlier investigations, but that doesn’t represent a good-faith effort to find the truth about the case before the Senate. It is not true that the witnesses contradicted her story – they just couldn’t remember it. With the probable exception of Kavanaugh’s buddy, who should have been called as a witness in public.

          • Tiny J

            “that doesn’t represent a good-faith effort to find the truth”
            How did you get it into your head that this is physically possible, let alone the FBI’s responsibility (as opposed to the county sheriff’s department)?

          • jekylldoc

            The fact that the investigation might be inconclusive does not prevent a good faith effort. The fact that it might result in politically embarrassing conclusions did prevent a good faith effort.

          • Tiny J

            I asked how you got that information? What is your proof?

          • jekylldoc

            And you ask the questions here. I get that.

          • Barros Serrano

            The fear of punishment (the law) DOES protect people from crime. Take away the Police, and watch what happens. I saw it happen, in Los Angeles, during the R King riot. Not fun. That’s the world you advocate.

            As for Kavanaugh, he lied under oath. Period. Ford’s allegations are neither relevant nor necessary to impeach Kavanaugh for perjury.

          • Tiny J

            The fear of punishment does not protect people from crime. Hence the need for a Constitution protecting people from an over reaching government.
            Take away the police, and watch what happens. I saw it in Albuquerque. During the police strike, the crime rate dropped through the floor.

          • Barros Serrano

            You are very mistaken. Many crimes would be committed but are not due to fear of legal reprisal. I saw a guy with a Confederat flag on his truck the other day. I wanted to walk over and knock him out, but I did not, because I’d have been arrested. See how it works?

            I was in L.A. during the R King riots, I repeat. Lots of crime happening when the Police withdrew from the streets. Your notion that govt and Police cause crime is ludicrous at best.

            We need protection BOTH from overreaching govt AND from corporate evildoers, as well as the common criminals who are present in every society. Your ideas make you look like a dangerous individual with no respect for the law.

            I used to live in NM, where due to inadequate policing, the crime rate is very high. With more Police, that would improve.

          • DDRLSGC

            The government has no intention of protecting us from white collar, corporate crime.

          • Barros Serrano

            Your ultra-conservative view of the role of govt is unworkable and a recipe for Mad Max.

            That’s not the world we civilized sorts want to live in.

          • Tiny J

            What’s your home address?
            Don’t worry, you can trust me. A stranger. On the internet. You’ll be fine because the government will protect you.

          • ProchDolor

            What’s yours?

          • Tiny J

            I would never post that on line. I have a responsibility to keep myself and my family safe.

          • ProchDolor

            Probably something to think about before goading and insulting others on that basis.

          • Tiny J

            I did. Hence, the fake name and VPN.

        • anono

          Your premise asserts a god (an unfalsifiable claim), so I cannot accept it.

    • Barros Serrano

      By this logic we should scrap laws against murder, fraud, robbery, kidnapping, etc.

      But you seem to think that if we attempt to prosecute rapists we’re being prejudicial toward men!

      Your mentality is that engendered in a patriarchal imperialist society in which we all, unfortunately, live and are raised. Some of us realize that the misogynist brainwash only serves imperialist interests, and so reject. Some males, however, find it very conveeeeeenient.

      Tell the truth, how many times have you been accused of sexual impropriety? And how many times have you committed it without being called out?

      • Tiny J

        I never said we should scrap any laws. I’m pointing out that the law exists to punish people after the fact, not to prevent sin. You’re lying about my stance to fit your own narrative.
        I don’t think that prosecuting rapists is prejudicial towards men. That is a straw man argument. You’re lying about my stance to fit your own narrative.
        I’m not a patriarchal imperialist, nor do I live or raise in such a society. You’re lying about my stance to fit your own narrative.
        Advocating for personal responsibility is not “misogynist brainwash” nor does it serve imperialist interest. You’re lying about my stance to fit your own narrative.
        I’ve never been accused of sexual impropriety. I’ve never committed it without being called out. You’re lying about my history to fit your own narrative.

  • Brandon Roberts

    sorry to hear that.

  • Widuran

    Notice it is Islamic men who are the major problem abusing women like their prophet muhammad.

    LGBT is sadly sin

    • Nick G

      Can anyone reading beat Wilduran’s achievement in sqeezing at least four kinds of bigotry (Islamophobia, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia) into a mere 20 words?

      • Widuran

        Anyone notice you cannot counter my claims with facts.

        • Barros Serrano

          Your assertion that LGBT is “sin” cannot be substantiated with facts.

          As for whether Islamic males have a higher rate of sexual abuse than others, we’d need some reliable stats on that, not just the assumptions of people who do not like Islam. Me, I do not like Islam, but I do not engage in bigotry against Islamic people.

          • Widuran

            The Bible states it. I believe it

          • ProchDolor

            Your sense of what the Bible “states” is based on a specious translation.

          • Mr Kish

            Orthodox beliefs as inspired by the Holy Spirit as per the church fathers (not Roman Catholic)

          • ProchDolor

            I’m quite confident in the authority of scripture, the Holy Spirit, and church tradition. I’m not so confident in your interpretation of any of those things.

          • Mr Kish

            I follow the orthodox teachings. If I am in error please show me.

          • Alwuhush

            “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination.” Leviticus 18:22.

            “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

          • Widuran

            Thank you for sense

      • anono

        Concise…and disappointing.

    • anono

      Islamic men are the only ones abusing women…who knew?


  • jekylldoc

    It tore at my heart to read your story. Thank you for the courage to share. It makes me ashamed to think of men taking that kind of attitude, including the attitude within the church of not listening to women, of denying them voice. It’s also scary to me to think of men of the cloth afraid of the truth.

    • Thank you for your support. The number of private replies, each with her story of being violated, shocked me. So much pain out there.

      • / I didn’t want to hurt my father, who knew the young man in question. I didn’t want to see his anguish or experience his anger. I didn’t want him to go out in a murderous rage and bring disgrace on our whole family./

        I had forgotten that one of the reasons I didn’t tell was my father was a rageaholic and I knew at age 9, if I told, it would trigger him and there would be more drama/trauma!! Ours was a very sick household MHO. I walked around on eggshells. My community was in shock from World War II and from before that the Depression. In the 1950s we all did the best we could to numb the pain of knowing civilization could end the moment they hit the nuclear button!! I knew at that tender age it would all come down to being my fault After I was raped…/a pattern of trauma. The event defined my life and ultimately sent me in the trajectory of becoming an advocate for people who are oppressed… it has become a vocation for me personally as a visual artist.
        I am NOT my rape.
        As a child I was raped and it became my identity/ the filter through which I saw the rest of my life as The Victim, the only identity I had. In every social context I was the most hurting. My victimhood became my right to shout down everyone in the room. My obsessions/compulsions was my controlling impulse to be out of control with dysfunctional relationships, behavior and addiction to substances. I am intimately acquainted with this pattern of abuse, vicious circle and have personally experienced. I have worked to try to understand, in the spirit, that God’s love does not protect me from memories or from the event itself./ Thomas Merton / Parker J Palmer I have recently come to understand there is a mysterious sustainability of love from God and others in spite of vulnerability. Resentment is poisonous and made me sicker!! although a necessary stage of grieving loss so great!! Suffering is part of life and so is Injustice, oppression and power of the politically powerful and wealthy. They have the power to do anything they want we can’t stop them from doing. That’s what my rape and other traumas has taught me so far. Nevertheless “they” can’t take away my love for others, the experiences I’ve had
        that kindle deep empathy for others pain, of personally suffering multiple losses. I didn’t kill myself so I am free to live life on life’s terms extending the empathy of one who is in a 12-step program, worked through much chaos already, settling into the not knowing how it’s all going to shake out in the end… So it be!!

      • christythomas 5++

  • I experienced Jesus Christ as the consciousness of the Sun, our star. I wrote an ebook
    about my experiences that is free to download in pdf form, and the ebook
    is also available on blogger, links are below

    link to my free ebook, “Messages from the Sun God, Jesus Christ”

    link to the ebook on blogger: https://messagesftsg.blogspot.com/

    blog http://www.jesuschristsungod.com

  • Barros Serrano

    A good friend of mine was abducted and held for 2 years by a sadistic sociopathic rapist, who abused her in every way imaginable as well as selling her to other men. This was 1970-72.

    She still refuses to report the crime, though she is sure the perp killed the woman he abducted after her. To avoid the pain of having to talk about it, she now turns viciously angry at anyone who even mentions it.

    Her method of coping isn’t working for her, and certainly is not contributing to the acquisition of justice, though of course the perp may well be dead by now.

    I am hoping that revelations like this one, in this article, and the entire “me-too” energy sweeping the country, will help her decide to speak up. I know that will be better for her than her brooding silence on the matter.

    THANK YOU, Reverend, for this article.

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  • Natalie Nyberg

    Thank you for sharing your story so compassionately.

  • M.A.

    Maybe you will soon be ready to leave Christianity all together and all religion like I recently did and find freedom from the guilt, shame and inherrant controlling ways of them. The world is brighter now. I see people without the prescribed boundaries. I can only imagine how much less violence and hatred there would be if everyone found that path.

  • Reese

    And in news you won’t see on the fake news channels or in the NY Times or this blog:

    Another Kavanaugh accuser admits to fabricating rape story
    Nov 03, 2018 · One of Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh’s accusers admitted this week that she made up her lurid tale of a backseat car rape, saying it “was a tactic” to try to derail the judge’s confirmation
    My position: Sexual assault is serious. Lying about it is also serious. I trust these women and the porn lawyer will do hard time.

    • anono

      Thanks for politicizing this thread. I was getting worried.

  • Rod Bristol

    Thank you for sharing gracious courage.