Last night I wrote this post about losing myself. I went to bed thinking about it and thanking God that it seems like everything is peaceful. Then I woke up and realized that this isn’t always how it will be. There will be more problems, more kids leaving and growing and changing. Aaliyah will grow up and won’t remind me of the most innocent version of myself. She will be her own person with her own opinions, flaws and... Read more
I have such an issue with people misusing the word love. Love requires sacrifice, love changes you, love is as ordered as the moon and the sun and the waves of the ocean, love has a purpose and it’s not to make you feel warm and fuzzy all the time, love is real and objective, love is not fluffy bullshit people put on pretty backgrounds to share on Facebook. Love is Jesus hanging on a Cross bleeding with his face... Read more
I watched my three year old granddaughter today. She ran around in the living room with no care in the world. She played with the dogs, watched Netflix, ate cereal and made me laugh. She is full of personality at this age and she is beautiful. I don’t just say this because she is my grandchild and the spitting image of me, but because she can hypnotize me with her smile. She has a perfect complexion, perfect hair and her... Read more
I have an amazing therapist. In the three and a half years that I have been seeing her, she has helped to recognize when my scared little girl self is trying to convince me that nobody loves because I am unworthy of being loved and tell her to go take a nap. When I first started seeing her it was because my husband and I were on the verge of divorce. Actually it was worse than divorce, it was war.... Read more
Today I was sitting in the car with my two youngest sons and this song came on the radio that we all love, it’s one of our favorite songs as a family, and I thought about when I first heard that song and how exactly it became an anthem in the lives of my kids. My youngest child was born in 2001 when I worked at Hooters. I spent the first month of her life going from the NICU to... Read more
I have had this book, Daring Greatly by Brené Brown on my nightstand for months now. It sits along with How to Be Holy by Dr. Peter Kreeft. I haven’t read the Brene Brown book. I felt like I wasn’t ready for it because I have a lot of fear in my soul right now. That fear created this huge ball of anger in me that made me not give a shit about being holy anymore. Which is why I... Read more
Waiting tables is a story of how different things are “behind the scenes” verses what the world sees. The world saw working at Hooters as either a fight for women’s liberation or proof of how men objectify women. I saw it as a way to take care of my kids and keep a roof over our head. The behind the scenes of most restaurants looks a lot different than what the public sees. How servers act in front of tables... Read more
I have been working almost every day for the last few weeks. My days off are full of a million things to do, so I haven’t really been able to keep up with all the internet happenings. News goes really fast in the online world. A week is like a year and news blows up, everyone discusses it, we decide what we are pissed about and then lament about it for days. Then we are off to the next... Read more
I am over at Aleteia talking about grief and how I used to try and say all the “right things” to others who were mourning the loss of something they loved. Grief is a very difficult thing to deal with because it is so personal that it’s different for each of us, even if we lost the same person. We are each different, how we handle our emotions is different and who that person was to us is different. My... Read more
I have been feeling pretty low lately. I don’t feel loved or appreciated by my family, there’s a real break in the relationship with my older son, my husband and I aren’t in the best place and my mom and I are not really talking. Things with my mom are complicated to say the least and I have come to realize that I can only balance so much and currently she isn’t someone that I can deal with. I’m guessing... Read more
Through Broken Roses
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