Unequally Yoked
My facebook friends are the kind of people who are patient with me when I post things like, “Oy, where is that quote about the problem with cat burning not being that it’s bad for the cat but bad for the spectators?”
But even their patience has a limit. One friend supplied the quote I was looking for (“Macaulay said that the Puritans hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.” – G.K. Chesterton, All Things Considered.) but pointed out I had repeatedly asked Facebook to help me find the quote, and perhaps I should look into mnemonics or tattoos.
He guessed (correctly) that I kept mixing it up with Chesterton’s quote about denying the cat:
If it be true (as it certainly is) that a man can feel exquisite happiness in skinning a cat, then the religious philosopher can only draw one of two deductions. He must either deny the existence of God, as all atheists do; or he must deny the present union between God and man, as all Christians do. The new theologians seem to think it a highly rationalistic solution to deny the cat.
He was mostly right. Though I’ve also somehow entangled it with David Sedaris’s story of his mother covering the cost of his cat’s cremation and writing in the memo line of her check “Pet Burning.”
Yet another friend chimed in with:
Atheists deny the Puritans. Elliot denies Chesterton. Leah Libresco seems to find it a highly rationalistic solution to deny the bear.
At which point I had to do something.
A Song of Ice and Fire readers and Game of Thrones viewers are probably already familiar with the song “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” but I’ve embedded it below.
My new lyrics replace the part starting at “From there to here, from here to there” at about 0:29 in the video.
The dogs they tear
Puritans stare
It’s not his pain
We must forswear
The crowd’s delight
Leads to despair
The bear, the bear
And Macaulay fair
Let’s see if that sticks.
Elsewhere on the internet, I’ve been completely delighted by the saga of Spiders Georg, who had his birth in this tumblr post:
average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
The internet’s habitual tendency toward excess has also produced:
The average person is curious 3 times a year” factoid actually just statistical error. average person is curious 0 times per year. Curious Georg, who is a monkey is curious 10,000 times a day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted [source: damnvox]
And:
average person spreads 3 rumours a day” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person spreads 0 rumours a day. Regina Georg, who lives in cave & spreads over 10,000 rumours each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted [source: Wheeler]
And, appropriately enough given where these quick takes started:
“average author kills 3 characters per book” factoid actually just statistical error. average author kills 0 characters per book. Georg R.R. Martin, who lives in a cave and kills over 10,000 characters per book, is an outlier and should not have been counted” [source: natasharomanof]
But then it went up a couple levels of meta and zaniness:
“Spiders Georg joke getting old” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person loves Spiders Georg. Backlash Georg, who lives in cave & thinks 10,000 memes are overused each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted [source: Insert Song Lyric Here]
And:
what if the average human eats 10,000 spiders per day and we’re the outliers who should not have been counted? [source: a clocktwerk orange]
And:
do not fall in love with people like spiders georg. he will take you to caves, and caves, and caves, and eat spiders in each beautiful place so you can never go back to them without tasting him like spiders in your mouth. and finally, when he leaves, you will understand, why he is an outlier and shoudl not have been counted [source: andrewknightley]
In case you suddenly have new plans for Halloween, here is a portrait of Spiders Georg:
This is my absolute favorite Spiders Georg thing to date:
I have eaten
the spiders
that were in
my caveand which
you were probably
counting
for statistical purposesForgive me
I am an outlier
adn
should not have been counted
(inspired by “This is Just to Say” by William Carlos Williams)
Finally, tomorrow a group of my friends and I are getting together to hold a debate on Resolved: Every Dollar spent on Dog Food is taken directly from the Mouths of the Poor, where we’ll be talking over questions of what luxuries are allowable, and the relative worth of humans and creatures.
I promised to bake or cook something for this debate, and I’ve worked out something…. thematic. Anyone want to take a guess?
Today is the third day of my Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots, and you’re welcome to join in.
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