Indian Grocery Stores and Awkwardness

First of all, Happy Maha Shivratri! Wish me luck on the fasting and staying up all night!

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In my experience there are few things more difficult than walking into a new place where you don’t really fit in or know the protocol.

Going to the Indian grocery store is like that for me. Or at least, going to a new one is. There’s one really close to my home and I feel pretty comfortable there. I know where things are.

But last week I needed more hair oil and I had recently discovered an Indian grocery store that was more on my way home from work, so I stopped there.

I felt extremely uncomfortable as soon as I walked in the door. Like I was intruding. I probably was. Just by my look I seem to scream: I want to be part of your club, why won’t you let me in? 

It reminded me a lot of this comedy sketch: http://www.snotr.com/video/422/Eddie_Murphy_goes_undercover

In it, Eddie Murphy goes “undercover” as a white man to see how the world is different. It’s comedy so not literal truth, but there’s a part where they’re on a bus and as soon as the one Black guy gets off, all of a sudden there’s a literal party on the bus. That was the sort of feeling I had. Like I’d just interrupted a party.

Yes, that’s right. I just compared myself to the Black person in the video. Inappropriate, but it was really what my mind thought of when I tried to articulate what I felt.

Not to get all poor little white girl here. I realize that I’m lucky that I can usually avoid putting myself in a situation where I feel that way. Many people can’t.

Also, it isn’t the job of the girls at the store to make me feel at ease. They’re in their world and they’re under no obligation to let me into it.

So, I couldn’t find the hair oil easily and had to ask for where it was. I stumbled over my words (I’m not nearly as articulate in person as I am in writing, believe me!). I got it and tried to check out, but I only had a credit card and I was under the minimum. So I asked for the CD that was displayed behind the register. Karwa Chauth Vrat Katha. I felt like such a spoiled jerk being like, “Oh, I need more stuff? Okay, give me that thing.” But I did honestly want the CD. Walk-throughs of the prayers and chants for Karwa Chauth? I can use that!

I know this whole messy feeling is me. It’s in my head. Nonetheless, I cried on the way home. But even as I write that now, I’m rolling my eyes at myself.

On the positive side, I heard one girl behind the register say “Kya Hua?” and I understood it immediately! I know it’s just a tiny phrase, but to understand something in Hindi without having to stop and think about it was pretty cool. Baby steps.