January 14, 2017

In late December, I decided to do a major house clean to have a fresh start to the new year. When moving a cabinet, I found a tiny fridge magnet amidst the dust and debris, with the single word —  “Here”.

I laughed out loud, and immediately pinned this word up on my bulletin board as a reminder for 2017. The Mysteries, with their quirky, in-your-face communication style, were hammering home a message they’d been giving me over and over during the holiday season. In our community Yule and Winter Solstice celebrations, we have a tradition of pulling divination cards for the new year.  Every card I pulled was a version of a common theme: surrender to the process; have patience and await the will of the Mysteries; don’t lust after outcomes; something must die for something new to be reborn.

Be here now, the Mysteries are telling me. This “here and now” is about process, not outcomes; it requires surrender and patience, not pushing and striving; it finds its roots in the will of the Mysteries, within and without, not the personal will of ego and mind.

a person stands at the end of a long, ribbed pipe backlit by the sun
Anthony DeRosa / pexels.com

Here and now in the Northern Hemisphere, January is in the throes of the winter season. This is the time of the Dark Goddess and Her rebirth magic, where new beginnings arise from the vast unknown of the sacred dark, and death, endings and wounding are essential for the birth of new possibilities and growth.

Like so many people, I find January a trying month. I’ve already had enough of the dark, cold, dreary days, and crave the return of bright sunshine and warm weather. Though I’ve done my deep magic at the Winter Solstice, come January 1st, my New Year’s resolution mindset kicks in, shifting me into the outcome focus of goal setting and action taking.

Yet something else in me, more primal and wise, resists these outer-directed activities in favor of rest, simplicity and a slower, inside-out focus and pace. Every January, including right now, I struggle with these counter impulses: one arising from my cultural conditioning, and the other from my soul-based knowing. I get the Mysteries’ message, loud and clear: this culture-soul split within me is my transformative edge and pathwork for 2017 (and beyond), as is the imperative to be here now, in presence and surrender to this journey that is my life.

Though this is most certainly a personal directive for me, it’s also a collective message for our spiritual pathwork in these edgy, world-changing times. When I open myself to this collective message from the Mysteries, this is what comes through.

The here and now encompasses the totality of our life experiences.

The here and now includes both the everyday reality of what we know and directly engage, and the vast expanse of the unseen and unknown.  It’s a whole, round, complex thing woven of the many strands of our life story and shared society: the light and the shadow; the beautiful and the wounding; the parts of us that we honor and cling to, and those that we repress and run from.

The here and now is a state of being.

To be here now requires that we be fully present — open, empty and curious — to this whole, round, complex thing that is our existence, and to the specifics of what is happening in and around us in real time. There is no past, other than how it’s currently revealing itself, and there is no future. All we ever truly have is this moment, then the next, and the next.  Like breath, the moments and specific times in our unfolding life are here and then gone, here and then gone, one naturally following the next, over and over and over.

Substantive, life-changing healing and transformation happen in the here and now.

In any given moment, exactly what we need to heal and grow stirs in our inner landscape and shows up on our doorstep. The kind of truth that can mend our soul and set us free is already here, poking and prodding us to pay attention and do our spiritual pathwork. This is here and now pathwork, requiring our full presence and commitment to: follow where this healing moment leads us; seek out the missing parts of our Self and life story that are ripe for our conscious engagement; and do the hard, wondrous work of transforming our life. One healing moment naturally leads to the next in this unfolding journey of soul.

To be in the here and now, we need to step past our cultural conditioning.

Our Western-world culture is the antithesis of the here and now. We fixate on a physical, intellectual version of reality that represses and fears the unseen and unknown, and the shadowy, wounded aspects of our personal life and shared humanity. We cling to the past, obsess about the future, and rarely find ourselves in the present moment. Our conception of change is all about ego, willpower and concrete outcomes, skimming the surface rather than engaging the depths and mysteries of true, transformative, here-and-now change. To be in the here and now, we need to shed our cultural conditioning, and learn new ways of understanding and engaging ourselves and our world.

The here and now is this present time and moment.

The Mysteries have impeccable timing. They’re delivering this collective message in this present time of the winter season, with its Dark Goddess mysteries of the sacred dark and rebirth magic that can help us step past our cultural conditioning, and step into a greater reality and way of being that are in alignment with the here and now.

The Dark Goddess takes us into the depths of the sacred dark, within and without, where we can reclaim what our culture has taught us to deny and reject: the mysteries of the unseen and unknown; the shadow and wounding of our life story and collective humanity; and the lost treasures of our secret desires, sleeping beauty and dormant potential. This spiritual pathwork is truly of the here and now, requiring a loving presence of emptiness and curiosity, and an unwavering commitment to seek out the greater truths that are the lost strands of the here and now of our life, and the deep roots of our transformative change at this time.

The Mysteries offer us this message in this now moment as 2016, a year of world-changing turbulence and disruption, comes to a close, and 2017 begins with an edge that promises more of the same. Change is coming, deep, fast and bumpy, and the stakes have never been higher, personally and collectively.

Be here now, the Mysteries urge. Show up to your personal version of the culture-soul split that is your transformative edge and pathwork for 2017 (and beyond). Embrace the Dark Goddess mysteries of the sacred dark and rebirth magic. Let Her guide you in the ways and skills of the here and now, and help you to discover the very things that can mend your soul, and birth a better, more positive, loving and sustainable human society at this time.

Whatever you need to heal what is broken, inside and outside, awaits you in the vast unknown of the sacred dark. Whatever is coming next will be reborn from this whole, round, complex weaving of the here and now of your life and our world. This is the transformative, rebirth magic of these here and now times.

If you’d like to further explore this winter season pathwork with the Dark Goddess, check out the latest offering in the Path of She Guided Journey Series:

Winter Journey – Your Rebirth Magic: Braving Your Inner Darkness

Your Winter Journey includes seven lessons with integrated teachings, exercises and journal tasks in:  the Winter Journey Guidebook (pdf ebook), Winter Journey Journal (pdf ebook), and Winter Journey Guided Meditation (mp3 audio).


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January 13, 2017

Among the many things I do, I’m a member of a 12-step program. My 12-step program helped me get my life back on track many years ago when things were out of control. Now that my life’s no longer in that state of crisis, I have found that a lot of my program suggestions are also applicable to everyday life. To be completely honest, a lot of what keeps me sane throughout all of my Heathen, polytheist, and interfaith work is my 12-step program. As much as I hate to say it, working with other Pagans can drive me crazy.

My program has taught me quite a few useful sayings that I carry around in my head, such as “Live and Let Live”, “How Important is It?”, and the all-important “HALT”—“Are you  Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?” (I usually add “Stressed, Sick, or Cold” to that checklist as well). My program reminds me that there are a trillion things that I have absolutely no control over, and only a few things that I do have a very small amount of control over. My program reminds me, on a weekly basis, that one of the biggest things I have no control over is what other people do. The good news being that I therefore have little responsibility for what other people do, as well. It’s very freeing notion. (I could go on ad nauseum about how useful working a 12-step program can be, but I’ll wrap it up here.)

One of the things I’ve realized over and over again in my 8 years of working a program is that the strategies and guides I learned in program also work in other areas of my life; all areas of my life–including spirituality.

The same is true for my relationship with my Gods.

a boy sits against a wal with his head on his knees
Norbert EderCC BY-SA 2.0 / Flickr

If I’m burned out, or HALTed in any way, I can unconsciously lapse into thinking that my Gods and allies are only around at, say, a full moon, or during  a particularly beautiful thunderstorm. Or I think that unless it’s a holiday, They don’t want any attention. Or, if I’m not feeling particularly mystical that day, or not feeling connected to the land around me (or not feeling connected to anything much except for the True Blood marathon on TV), then They must not have anything to say that day. Which is all profoundly absurd given that the Norse deities are always out doing something, and I’m dedicated to several earthy deities who have strong interests in the physical realm. They are still there. They always have things for me to do.

And that brings me to my main point for this post. If I have lost my connection to my gods—or if I just feel I’ve lost that connection, that they have walked away from me or they don’t care much about me—it is not necessarily They who have walked away; it could be I who has walked away from Them.¹

 

Yep, sometimes I hide from Them under the metaphorical covers, and then I whine because They are not talking to me anymore. As a polytheist, theologically I know—and experience has backed this up countless times—that the Gods are usually present, active, and waiting for me to tune back in and get back to work. Tuning them out–with TV or gaming, with social events or alcohol or planning a vacation–doesn’t work in the long run. They are still there, waiting for me to check back in and pick up the phone. Some wait patiently and don’t lecture me when I get back. Some understand the needs of a human to just be a normal human sometimes. And others get hurt or irritated or offended for being shut out, because relationships with Them are to a large extent just like relationships with other humans. (That’s polytheism in a nutshell. The Gods are real, and They have feelings, needs, and wants. If we agree to tango with Them, it’s on us to kee

The goddess Frigg, center, points to her left, seemingly commanding Gná, riding her horse Hófvarpnir, to run an errand for her. To Frigg's right is Fulla, who is holding Frigg's eski (an ashen box). Two other females are on Frigg's right, but they are unidentifiable.
Frigg and her Maidens / Public Domain / Wikimedia Commons

p up our side of the bargain.)

If you are feeling disconnected from your deities, try opening up to them without expectations. Don’t limit or define what an interaction with a God can look like. Some Gods will give you a four-by-four to the head; but most won’t. Be open to what They do send you. Make an offering. Say a prayer. Read a myth, or an academic treatise on an aspect of their mythology.  Act as though They are there, waiting to hear from you–because in all likelihood, at least one of Them is. It’s amazing how much we humans can block ourselves  when it comes to having faith in the Gods and building a relationship with them.

a chained and padlocked double door
Meg Rose MCC BY-NC-ND 2.0 / Flickr

If you feel detached from your deities, don’t automatically blame Them for it. Make sure that the underlying problem isn’t you.


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Endnotes

  1. This doesn’t apply to specific cases where, for example, and deity has walked away or pulled back a bit, usually for a specific reason. This doesn’t also cover actual “dark night of the soul” times either. This is just about the average, day-to-day experience of tuning Them out. (back)
January 12, 2017

There’s nothing like coming face to face with the smell of a dungeon and the torture devices that were used in the past to extract a confession of Witchcraft from screaming souls to let you know that the freedoms we take for granted today are a far cry from those the people of the 16th and 17th century had.

Witch Hunt Capital of the World

In the 1600s, Edinburgh was the torture and witch hunt capital of the world. Even someone pointing at you and calling you a witch in the marketplace was pretty much a death sentence. The conviction process was sadistic and long.

It started with the walking of the witches, where suspects were made to walk or crawl back and forth continuously in front of the Cathedral for days. Stopping even for a second was an admission of guilt. If this test was passed, then the subjects hands and feet were bound, and they were thrown into the city sewerage ditch to sink into the waste and excrement. If by some miracle the victim did not drown, then they were taken to the castle and burned alive.

Torture

Although the use of torture to extract a confession was illegal in England, Ireland and Wales, it was permitted in Scotland.

on the left, a torturous rack; on the right, a chair festooned with nails
Implements of torture / Danette Wilson

In Scotland, thumb screws and leg crushers were also used. Another, more public and informal type of trial was ‘swimming’ the accused to prove their guilt. The victim’s right thumb would be tied to their left big toe and they would be thrown into a nearby pond or river. If they sank, they were innocent, if they floated, they had been rejected by the water as a servant of the devil.

Edinburgh Castle played a key role in the trial and execution of condemned witches, and an estimated 300 were put to death on the castle’s esplanade. One such figure was Agnes Finnie, an Edinburgh shopkeeper who was charged with 20 counts of witchcraft and sorcery, including placing “so frightful a disease on Beatrix Nisbet, for some other trifling offense, that she lost the use of her tongue”.  Arrested in 1644, Agnes was found guilty of witchcraft and held in the castle’s dungeon. After strangulation, her body was burned on the esplanade.

a photograph of edinbrug castle on a sunny, cloudless day including portions of the surrounding city
Edinburgh Castle seen from the roof of the National Museum of Scotland / Kim TraynorCC BY-SA 3.0 / Wikimedia Commons

The Accused

Between 1479 and 1722, thousands were accused of witchcraft and were burned alive in Edinburgh. One 1576 record of the execution of Bessie Dunlop states she was burned at Castle Hill for being a member of a coven of eight women and four men, and for receiving herbs from the Queen of the Faeries.

A series of records from 1595 tell of a woman named Alison Balfour who confessed to witchcraft under torture, recanted and was burned alive. Her family met equally gruesome ends simply because they were family members. Balfour’s husband, an eighty-one-year-old man, was pressed under 700 pounds of iron bars. Her son’s legs were destroyed by a torture device, developed by the Scots, called the Boot. Made of iron or wood, the Boot was fastened on the leg and wedges were driven in between the Boot and leg by blows from a mallet. After each blow a question was put to the victim, and the ordeal was continued until he gave the information or fainted. Balfour’s 7-year-old daughter was tortured with thumbscrews. Even the house servant was implicated, tortured and burned at the stake.

Another entry in this ancient record book shows the sheriff of Caithness killing two witches based on the complaint of one William Montgomery. It seems Mr. Montgomery was plagued by cats and blamed the two unlucky women for cursing him with their unwanted presence.

The Story of Agnes Sampson

One of Edinburgh’s most infamous ghost stories involves a well-respected woman of high society named Agnes Sampson who was tortured, tried, and convicted of witchcraft by Scotland’s King James VI in 1592.

Under torture, Agnes suffered the humiliation of being stripped naked and having every hair shaved from her body. She was burned with ropes pulled across her face and bare breasts. Agnes was made to wear a witches bridle which pierced her cheeks and tongue with sharp spikes and was fastened by spiked iron spikes to the wall of her cell. This sadistic torture was intended to bring forth a confession. There is no doubt that this torture succeeded in bringing about the required result in virtually all cases as in this one. Agnes confessed to working with other witches to conjure up a storm in order to sink a ship carrying King James of Denmark.

a crowd gathers at beltane with torches
The Fire Festival procession on Calton Hill / Andrewyuill – CC BY-SA 3.0 / Wikimedia Commons

The Queen of Scottish Witches

Isobel Gowdie, the renowned “Queen of Scottish Witches”, was a young Scottish housewife who was tried for witchcraft in 1662. Her detailed confession, apparently achieved without the use of torture, relates her fifteen years of involvement with the Devil, and offers one of the most detailed looks at European witchcraft folklore at the end of the era of witch-hunts.

According to her story, she had initially encountered Satan at the church at Auldearne, and made a pact with him, beginning with her renunciation of Christianity. The Devil placed his mark on her shoulder, sucked some of her blood, and re-baptized her with it, giving her a new name, Janet. She confessed her new faith while placing one hand on her head and one on the bottom of her foot.

In her four separate confessions given over a six-week period, she claimed to have flown through the air to her coven meetings (a group of 13 that would later become standard fare in witchcraft accounts), slaying any Christians she passed unless they were able to bless themselves first. The Devil himself would attend their Sabbats and would whip them if they had displeased him in some way.

Gowdie also claimed to have been entertained regularly by the King and Queen of the Fairies, in the land of the elves “under the hills”, which she entered through various mounds and caverns. It was the fairies who taught her to fly by climbing beanstocks and cornstraws and shouting, “Horse and Hattock, in the Devil’s name!” She also claimed to have the ability to transform herself at will into an animal such as hare or a cat, and to be able to affect the weather.

a photograph at sunset overlooking edinburg from a hill on which a moment stands
View over Edinburgh, with the Dugald Stewart Monument in the foreground / Andrewyuill – CC BY-SA 3.0 / Wikimedia Commons

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January 11, 2017

A picture of an page within Pandemonium by Jake Stratton-Kent
Pandemonium by Jake Stratton-Kent (Photo: Camelia Elias)

One could argue that the whole mystery tradition in the West is characterized by typologies and catalogues.

The general rule is that when you catalogue, you categorize and when you categorize, you make distinctions.

Making distinctions is in fact precisely that which separates the various mystical and magical traditions. You go East, distinctions tend to blur and nondualism is in focus. You go West, you go structuralist, focusing on binary opposites and exclusion.

Categorization creates exclusion by definition. So when you create a catalogue you relegate the idea of exclusion to a higher level. This can be either good or bad, depending on your cultural orientation. I myself don’t get too excited, as my leanings are precisely nondualist.

But I do get excited when I see what people do when they catalogue and classify. In fact, in academic circles where I’ve been roaming for most of my life, cataloguing equals human imagination.

The whole Western discourse on magic can be said to be about human imagination and its intricate ways of mediating embodiment. That’s right, you heard that correctly: embodiment.

Although what we call Western mysteries is mostly all about spirits, high and low, what we make of these spirits is very much the work of imagining embodiment and form. If you think that you’re good at scrying, conjuring, or reading smoke, what you do is conceptualize form. This is indeed a very useful method, and can be very efficient in your magical working. Especially if you don’t dig nondualism.

Cataloguing various forms of spirits, all according to their embodiments and functions, is a way of conceptualizing what you think in words. Imagine invoking or conjuring Baal and not having a clue as to what Baal looks like or what he can do for you. It’s rather time consuming to sit there and stare into emptiness, scratching your brain. You will get not only tired of it, but also disappointed.

As a general rule, in any act of conjuring or working with the spirits of the grimoires, if you expect to see a particular kind of demon, you see precisely a particular kind of demon. If you expect to have an encounter with a particular kind of angel or a spirit king, you will have precisely an encounter with a particular kind of angel or a spirit king.

In fact, we could argue that your imagination rules over your distinctions, but the inverse is also the case, your distinctions rule over your imagination. That’s what we call a system of classification.

Classified spirits is called a grimoir. According to what rule exactly we classify spirits and gather them in various grimoirs is very much a matter of cultural distinction, but we could argue that while spirits are not of your mind, they are very much part of your awareness of them, with awareness overruling your own internal and external psychology that is mainly the product of your own cultural history.

In other words, while your mind creates worlds, spirit worlds and other, awareness is busy with mirrors and modalities of holding mirrors up in your face, if we care to assign agency to awareness – a rather dumb thing to do, but for the sake of illustrating, we’ll go with it.

Say, you decide to hang out with Lucifer at the crossroads. How do you do that? You can do that in several ways: some easy, some hard.

Here is the easy way: You can pick up a grimoir and start reading descriptions. What is Lucifer? How does he manifest? What is his history? What is his personality? What is his rank? What can he do for you?

I hear he’s very beautiful, and a prince of princes. But how do we know that? The truth is that we don’t know anything. If you think you know, then think of where this knowledge is derived from: Either you’ve just read that about Lucifer in a book, or, you’ve ‘seen’ it with our own eyes. Fair enough. Each event is valid as it is based on experience: The experience of reading, and the experience of emotion. When Lucifer hits you in the gut, you can swear he hit you in the gut. So you can’t be in doubt.

If you’re a little bit in doubt, you can grab some item in your magical arsenal and divine for your experience. My specialty, for instance, is cards, or smoke from burning wormwood. Take out your cards and pay attention. The story of your experience can suddenly become very specific: It’s not just a world you encounter, but the infernal world of Hell itself. Cards for me can make that world very vivid and specific. According to the good books, Lucifer presides in Hell and spirits obey him in recognition of his lordship over hell. How do they all go about it? Read some bones and some stones, while you sit there sweating through your fears.

Here is the hard way: You go to the crossroads and consciously use language to utter the words of conjuration as a means of conceptualization of form. You can list all the names too. Preferably in Latin.

If you’re good at practicing awareness, you can allow for each name to move from conjuration to co-creation. If you are an adept at awareness, you will look into an empty mirror, for what is there that you conjure? Names? Language? Alphabets made up of symbolic glyphs? You start laughing at yourself.

This is the point where it gets interesting, for you realize instantly that as you gaze into the empty mirror, you actually gaze into the very working of Lucifer. Above all, and in my own experience, Lucifer loves language. He gives life to your glyphs. That’s his domain.

Pandemonium

I won’t make a fuss about this here, as what I actually want to talk about is Jake Stratton-Kent’s new book with Haden Press: Pandemonium: A Discordant Concordance of Diverse Spirit Catalogues, and its usefulness in navigating through what you aim to experience in the spirit world.

Cover of Jake Stratton-Kent’s Pandemonium book
Photo: Camelia Elias

Those familiar with Stratton-Kent’s work know already what to expect: Solid and robust scholarship. Pandemonium lives up to this reputation: It’s solid and robust. It is an excellent reference-work in the grimoir tradition with focus precisely on the personalities of spirits, rather than their strictly contextual histories.

As a storyteller myself I like this very much, just as I also appreciate greatly the research that went to into gathering spirit stories. Stratton-Kent is a meticulous historian with a penchant for the painful work of classification. In this aspect, his Pandemonium is nothing short of marvelous.

As to the stories that this book tells, by way of charting spirit hierarchies, from Lucifer to the Four Kings and a host of Goetic spirits, one can say that they are all stories of encounters. Told in a clever and witty way.

A photograph of an internal page of Jake Stratton-Kent’s Pandemonium
Photo: Camelia Elias

Any conjuration act is a story of an encounter. Pandemonium delivers concrete opportunities for such experiences, and it does a great job at creating exactly what it promises: A discordant concordance.

The work suggests that when we deal with the grimoirs, we deal invariably with what Stratton-Kent calls ‘infernal multiplication’ (52). Here, in reference of how names undergo transliterations that can change the story of a particular spirit.

The work is packed with charts, side-by-side hierarchies, spirit functions and embodiments, and visual representations. I commend the great job that went into the layout of this book, as it’s not easy to fit everything elegantly onto a page.

A photograph of an internal page with Jake Stratton-Kent’s Pandemonium
Photo: Camelia Elias

Some dictionaries choose to define the word Pandemonium by first referring to Milton’s Paradise Lost, a work of poetry and the imagination in which the infernal in envisioned very graphically and elaborately.

Although no reference is made here to Milton, as his is a work that falls into the category of literary grimoir, the poetic aspect that goes into the descriptions of the spirits in Stratton-Kent’s Pandemonium, as precisely dramatis personae, is not lost on this reader. For this alone, I recommend this book.

But I also recommend it for this other reason: Jake Stratton-Kent’s Pandemonium is a rare treasure. It actually makes you think that what makes the world go round is fear. Fear of the infernal and demonic forces.

Indeed, unless, you’re completely Zen – if such a state is possible – and unimpressed by the movement of the holy and unholy ghosts in you, you’re bound to be fascinated by the way grimoirists throughout the ages suggest you transact for your experiences of the occult, exchanging your fear for something else.

Don’t hesitate to get this book if you like stories of the human imagination, solid research and scholarship, and the promise of fantastic encounters if you dare to do the work of uttering the name.

Stay in the loop for cartomantic activities.


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January 10, 2017

Next Sunday, a new show premieres on HBO — “The Young Pope.” The show stars Jude Law as an ultraconservative Archbishop of New York who is elected to the Papacy, and who embarks on a traditionalist mission reminiscent of Pope Benedict XVI’s, if Benedict had been a narcissistic New York chain-smoker with visionary dreams and an American nun played by Diane Keaton as his close advisor. Jude Law’s Pope is essentially the polar opposite of Pope Francis, and has more in common with the fictional Pope Hadrian VII, the main character of Frederick Rolfe’s 1904 decadent novel Hadrian the Seventh. Here’s a taste:

Apostolic Succession and Occultism

Glitzy, decadent, and conspiratorial portrayals of the Papacy might not seem to have much in common with the contemporary occult scene. Outside of conspiracy theories about the Pope and invaders from outer space, there is not much precedent in contemporary occultism for a meditation on the role of the Papacy.

Image of an episcopal consecration by Claude Bassot (1580-1630)
Image of an episcopal consecration by Claude Bassot (1580-1630)

Yet the notion of apostolic succession does hold an important place. In the literature, we find countless discussions about the apostolic lineages of “wandering bishops,” about the valid succession (or lack thereof) of the clergy of various strands of French Gnosticism and Liberal Catholicism, and, up until the late twentieth century — crossing debates about apostolic succession with Aeonic theory — carefully argued treatises on the legitimate apostolic succession of the clergy of Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica.

Understandably, the modern O.T.O. has more or less argued that such a lineage, whether true or not, is unnecessary to the validity of the E.G.C.’s New Aeonic liturgies, and that the only lineage that matters is the succession from Aleister Crowley (see, for example, the statement that the E.G.C.’s “ecclesiastical powers are founded on a spiritual succession from the Master Therion and the constituent originating assemblies of O.T.O., rather than on Christian Apostolic Succession” on the O.T.O.’s US Grand Lodge website).

The Office of Pontifex Maximus

Such discussions provide one starting point for an esoteric examination of the Papacy. Tau Apiryon, in his “The Role and Function of Thelemic Clergy in Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica,” spends a considerable amount of time discussing the meaning of the title “Pontifex Maximus” for both the Catholic Pope and the modern Thelemite.

Emperor Augustus dressed in the robes of the Pontifex Maximus.
Emperor Augustus dressed in the robes of the Pontifex Maximus.

Apiryon believes that the apostolic succession contains spiritual successions from the ancient Jebusite Order of Melchizedek, from Moses (questionably labeled here as both a Hebrew and Egyptian priest), and from Jesus and the apostles. But it was through the syncretization of the Christian episcopacy with the Roman religious system — specifically, through the assumption by the Bishop of Rome of the Roman religious title Pontifex Maximus — that the apostolic succession acquired the spiritual successions of the ancient pagan world. Apiryon writes:

We may never know whether Pope Damasus I was actually appointed Pontifex Maximus of the Roman Church. Nonetheless, that mantle fell squarely upon his shoulders and those of his successors. Having either actually or effectively absorbed the Sol Invictus cult, the apostolic succession of the Roman Catholic Church has, since the time of Damasus, conveyed the spiritual successions of nearly all of the pre-Christian pagan/solar faiths of the Roman Empire. … Thus, the “apostolic” succession, though considered within the exoteric Christian community to begin and end with Jesus, actually embodies the spiritual successions of the entire Western religious heritage: Christian, Judaic, and Pagan.

Tau Apiryon’s purpose in detailing the spiritual meaning of the apostolic succession here, specifically the universal spiritual role of the Pope, the Pontifex Maximus, is of course to establish that the episcopacy of the Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica unites “virtually all of the various spiritual successions of the Western religious tradition in service to the Law of Thelema.”  Whether or not this is true is debatable — indeed, many occultists have pointed out the potential flaws in this reasoning (Crowley’s probable lack of an episcopal consecration; the broken or unbroken nature of the lineage; whether the proper form of episcopal consecration is carried out within the E.G.C., etc.).

For the traditional Roman Catholic, however, it wouldn’t really matter whether or not a valid apostolic lineage has been maintained within the Thelemic clergy. This is because, since such clergy — as well as the clergy of most non-Catholic Christian denominations — are not in communion with the See of St. Peter, they do not actually hold a full apostolic succession from Jesus and the apostles, let alone the “spiritual successions of nearly all of the pre-Christian pagan/solar faiths of the Roman Empire” through the Pontifex Maximus. Unlike traditionalist Catholics, I do not believe that lack of communion with the Pope invalidates the sacraments and spiritual lineages of non-Catholic clergy; I just mean to state that the succession thus inherited is limited in an important way.

The Pope as a Universal Religious Figure

Of course, all of this proves that there is a religious figure that “actually embodies the spiritual successions of the entire Western religious heritage: Christian, Judaic, and Pagan” — the Pope. The Papacy, as is clear from the vast popularity and spiritual influence enjoyed by Pope Francis (and the pop cultural relevance of a fictional Pope played by Jude Law), is the only global institution to potentially embody a universal religious authority — even beyond the confines of Christianity. There is a reason the Catholic Pope becomes the Pontifex Maximus of the “Enigma Babylon One World Faith” of the Antichrist’s “Global Community” in the evangelical Christian apocalyptic fantasy series Left Behind. The Pope offers the possibility of universal, one world religion, and indeed the Catholic Church (before the Second Vatican Council) traditionally preached the necessity of uniting the world beneath the banner of Catholic Christendom.

But what of service to the Law of Thelema? Even in the New Aeon of Thelemic occultism, one figure understood the importance of the Papal prerogative — Frater Achad. One legend surrounding Achad’s 1928 conversion to Roman Catholicism, related by Lon Milo DuQuette in his introduction to Achad’s Q.B.L. or the Bride’s Reception, suggests that Achad converted to Rome in order to bring the Law of Thelema to the Catholic Church. The fact that this story is almost certainly untrue aside, it does convey an important point. In order to be a universal, rather than a merely partitive religious tradition, Thelema really would have to unite all the “various spiritual successions of the Western religious tradition,” which is why Crowley consistently claimed the succession of pre-Aeon of Horus religious and occult groups such as the O.T.O., the Gnostic Church, the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, and more. It is why Crowley also launched several quixotic campaigns to be recognized as the “World Teacher” of the Theosophical Society, and to gain control of groups like the American AMORC.

The Pope and the Universal Brotherhood

The World's Parliament of Religions at the Columbian Exhibition.
The World’s Parliament of Religions at the Columbian Exhibition.

However, there is one group that really does claim to unite all of the spiritual heritages — exoteric and esoteric — of all organized and unorganized groups throughout the world. The influence of this group is the real reason Frater Achad joined himself to the See of St. Peter in 1928, and it finds its intellectual underpinnings in the World’s Parliament of Religions at the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition, one of the first historical moments of true interfaith dialogue and communication to occur in the modern age. This group is the Universal Brotherhood — also known as the Integral Fellowship, the Mahacakra, the Great Circle. It is the group for which Frater Achad served as Mahaguru or leader from the early 1930s to his death in 1950.

In his closing address to the Parliament of Religions, Dr. Merwin-Marie Snell — comparative religion scholar, director of the Scientific Section of the Parliament, and founder and first Mahaguru of the Universal Brotherhood — asked, “Can the religious federation of humanity be regarded as within the limits of a rational and legitimate hope?” Dr. Snell himself answered, “This question has already been answered before all the world. The ideal of universality has been in the world, however well or illy we may think it to have been carried out. The standard of organic union has long been unfurled, whatever we may think of the beauty of its blazoning.”

Where can this “ideal of universality” be found? According to Snell, in the Papacy:

O white-robed Pontiff of eternal Rome! thee do we hail as the living embodiment of our enrapturing dream. Thou hast handed on from generation to generation the sacred torch of cosmic thought; thou hast kept alive the flame of cosmic love. Thy name is inherited from prehistoric mysteries; thy mission is the preservation of the heritage of doctrine which unites the best thought of the flower of the Aryan and Semitic nations; thy home is amid the traditions of universal empire; we dare to see in thy triple crown the symbol of a unity in which Jew and Christian and pagan can alike participate; and we hail thee once more as the apostle of cosmic unity, the king of the first great brotherhood of the world. Hail to thee! and hail still more to the divine Master who taught and crowned thee! (Snell, “The Future of Religion,” The Open Court, a Quarterly Magazine, Oct. 5, 1893)

Revolutionary Ultramontanism

Hugues-Felicité Robert de Lamennais (1826); portrait by Jean-Baptiste Paulin Guérin
Hugues-Felicité Robert de Lamennais (1826); portrait by Jean-Baptiste Paulin Guérin.

Surprisingly, there is some precedent for this idea in the history of Roman Catholicism. Felicite Lammenais, the French radical cleric, published a journal called L’Avenir in the first half of the nineteenth century. This journal advocated a revolutionary Ultramontanism — a concept that seems improbable, if not impossible, at first blush. Ultramontanism was the predominantly nineteenth century movement that supported the absolute authority of the Papacy and the rights of the Church over the temporal authority of the national powers, culminating in the declaration of Papal infallibility at the First Vatican Council. Major theorists of Ultramontanism, like Joseph de Maistre, saw the Pope as the only figure capable of standing above the petty struggles of Napoleonic-era nationalism and colonialism.

Ultramontanism was particularly active in the anti-clerical environment of post-revolutionary France, which allowed for L’Avenir‘s Ultramontanism to take on a subversive aspect — the Papacy as the one institution able to unite people beyond national lines, against corrupt temporal powers, and in support of religious freedom. “God and Liberty” was the journal’s motto. Of course, Lammenais’ ideas were crushed by the Pope himself, who was bemused at best by the idea of enforcing true religious liberty and going up against the powerful national governments of the mid-nineteenth century. Lammenais eventually left the Church, became a Christian socialist, and was elected a deputy for Paris during the period of the French Second Republic.

Occult Ultramontanism

Lammenais’ ideas were radical, heterodox, and idealistic. But they didn’t go away. Like many subversive ideas that were before their time, Lammenais’ revolutionary Ultramontanism went underground and became a part of the colorful esoteric scene of the French occult revival. Ideas like Lammenais’ allowed figures as significant as Éliphas Lévi to foresee a coming universal age in which the Pope would rule over a spiritual empire of diverse religious perspectives, united through the office of a universal pontiff:

When the spirit of understanding shall have spread over the whole earth, a time will come when the Gospel spirit shall be the light of nations … For one day all nations shall be one nation, all thrones be subject to one throne … This King shall reconcile the East with the West and the North with the South; he will endow the peoples with true liberty, for he will immoveably establish the pillars of justice … There will be then only one religion in the world, and the universal pontiff will declare from the pinnacle of supreme authority that Jews, Mohammedans, Buddhists, &c., are Christians ill-instructed, of whom he is none the less father and head. He will bless them and convene them to the great council of the nations; he will throw open to them the inexhaustible wealth of prayers and indulgences, and will really and truly bestow his benediction ON THE CITY AND ON THE WORLD. (Éliphas Lévi, The Mysteries of Magic, 279)

And notorious Catholic occultist Josephin Péladan, decadent writer and founder of L’Ordre de la Rose-Croix Catholique du Temple et du Graal, could exclaim:

God must be for us the ideal that we shall have loved; and eternity will be the realization of our will … I will deny all collectivity … I will deny the work of blood, I will deny military glory, I will deny nationality … I will deny the heredity of the power and the titles … I shall proclaim humanism and the dogma of individuality. I shall renew the doctrine of Enoch, in kissing before the whole world the mule of the Pope, the sole power I shall ever recognize. (Josephin Péladan, dedication to Curieuse!, 1885; cited in Tobias Churton, Occult Paris)

The Pope and Universal Reformation

Arms of Pope Julius II, early 16th century. This "Papal oak" was said by Mercurius to be the potential "world-tree" and the perch of the alchemist's phoenix. Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, Rogers Fund, 1918.
Arms of Pope Julius II, early 16th century. This “Papal oak” was said by Mercurius to be the potential “world-tree” and the perch of the alchemist’s phoenix. Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.

Of course, Lammenais, Lévi, and Péladan were only drawing on a long and deep esoteric tradition of aligning an ideal Papacy with a Universal or Hermetic Reformation. Renaissance figures like Tommaso Campanella, who argued for the Pope’s role in creating a universal City of the Sun — before spending decades in the dungeons of the Inquisition, and shifting his aspirations to the King of France — and Giovanni Mercurio da Correggio — who declared himself to be the reincarnation of Hermes Trismegistus, and wrote On the Oak of Pope Julius, or On the Philosopher’s Stone, which describes “the pope’s oak” as a “world tree” upon whose upper branches the phoenix (associated here with the philosopher’s stone) is perched — would utilize the idea of the Papacy for their schemes of building Hermetic utopias.

More recently, and less esoterically, mainstream Catholic theologian Karl Rahner articulated a role for the Pope reminiscent of his status with regard to the Eastern Catholic Churches — a central spiritual authority who ensures a plurality of religious rites, rather than enforcing a Latinization of all perspectives.  Rahner’s book The Shape of the Church to Come includes this possibility in a manifesto of ideas for the transformative potential of the future Church.

Alas, Rahner’s book was released in 1974. Later Popes like Benedict XVI have not exactly embraced the radical, pluralistic potential of the office of St. Peter, though Benedict, like Jude Law, did embrace a plurality of Papal clothing styles.

Yet Pope Francis signals some new possibilities, if not the potential of a Universal World Reformation on Hermetic and occult lines. Already he has embraced the liberating and transformative power of grassroots popular movements — probably the closest thing in today’s political and social sphere to the “Rosicrucian furor” of the early modern period. Perhaps the possibility of a universal Pontiff, who upholds both “God and Liberty,” is not as implausible as we might think.

If you enjoyed this article, check out my new personal blog, The Light Invisible, for more pieces on Christian esotericism.


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January 9, 2017

With 2017 upon us, many witches are feeling uncertainty for what the new year will hold. I’d like to suggest some new habits that will build you a strong magical foundation for the new year and beyond.

the number 2017 produced by lit sparklers
Brigitte Tohm / unsplash.com

Pull an extra card

When you are doing divination with tarot or another oracle and a card that perplexes or worries you appears in your reading pull an extra card for clarification. If your Celtic cross shows a less than ideal outcome, ask the cards what would happen if you took an alternative action or made a change in your perceptions. Then pull another card to see how it might affect the outcome. This year use divination as a tool to change your fortune not as a mere predictor.

Make a statement

Take a few minutes every day to check in with yourself and the path you are paving. So often we act on instinct or from habit rather than embracing the opportunities presented to us. Witches make their own luck, so wear charm to attract what you want to achieve for the day. If it’s wealth you might put a gold coin and a magnet in your pocket, if you are ready to love someone you might wear a rose quartz necklace, for more focus you might meditate with a white candle in the morning.

Be generous

If you bless what you believe in then you will bless yourself with that magic too. Give a little love to something you care about today in the service of making the world a better place for you and those around you. I suggest saying a prayer, setting up an altar, or doing a magical blessing for the change you want to see in the world. Allow your actions to follow your heart.

Look around you

Witchcraft is about ourselves and our surroundings. Stop and gaze at the moon, greet your mountain in the horizon, pick up things you could use in spells like sticks and stones or even dandelions growing in between the pavement. Traditional witchcraft practice is animist and local-based so tuning your senses to your surroundings grounds and strengthens your spirituality. A simple moment lying on the ground and just feeling the land can become a profound empowerment.

Dream big in 2017

Dig deep into your heart and soul to determine your purpose in this life and do some serious witchcraft to make it so. Sometimes people declaw witchcraft and imply it cannot do stellar amazing things. Challenge your doubts this year. Believe in magic and its power and try to do your biggest dream now. Depending on your magical style you could make a simple sachet and candle spell or do a full out ritual. But pump up your witchcraft and manifest your chosen destiny.


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January 6, 2017

As if turning the page on the calendar could make a difference, my gratitude that 2016 was over felt like a weight was removed. As if the waiting was complete. I looked ahead to 2017 so eagerly I wrote every appointment and goal in the planner long before the turning.

Yet it is with a twinge of nostalgia that I glance at the rear-view mirror to see the year 2016 recede behind me. So much has happened. It was the first full year I spent without my mom to talk to. That was hard, but I’ve heard it gets easier over time. Maybe you just get more used to it.

an illustration of "2016" on a field of black
lumpi / pixabay.com

At the beginning of the year I labeled a large Mason jar with “Happy 2016” placing blank notepaper and a pen inside. On New Year’s Eve, after the year was over, I opened the jar and read each thing as it had been written. This friend came to dinner… Spent time with all the kids on this day… a fantastic seasonal celebration! …I am glad I remembered to write dates down or it would have been a blur.

Through the year, a lot of things worked out better than I could have hoped at the onset. Other things were disappointing, but despite my ‘blindness’ to the overall plan I learned to get over myself (sometimes), becoming in the process well acquainted with any brick walls in my path. It seems I am determined to learn the Alchemist’s Admonition the hard way.

To Will ~ To Dare ~ To Know ~ To Be Silent

This is the admonition, each phrase corresponding to a symbol, a color, and an Alchemical Element. As I approach my second Saturn Return, my super-consciousness is frantic to avoid his sickle, in a way that I couldn’t the first time. In their story, his wife the Goddess Rhea had to get it right when she had her chance. I have a few years to go before Saturn’s second return for me, but the lessons are hitting harder.

  • To Will~ the imagination to envision desired goals, an it harm none.
  • To Dare~ the courage to move in that direction, no matter what.
  • To Know~ the faith that your path is true, if only for you.
  • To Be Silent~ how could it be otherwise?

As I get older, my heart still yearns for loveliness, beauty, and (in a word) perfection. Things are more complicated than they ever seemed in my youth. My standards of acceptability have softened. I can no longer afford to spend the energy getting my shorts in a twist over some passing detail, however major or minor it may appear at the time.

I find myself using the 1,000 year measure to help me prioritize the battles I choose. Will it matter in a thousand years? Of course, this leaves me in more than a few theoretical arguments, discussions over GMOs, women’s rights, the accumulation of knowledge ancient and modern, and how to best impart this to future generations. Some light breakfast conversation, if you will.

It is perhaps the last of these admonitions that I struggle most with, oddly enough in both directions. Learning who you can tell what to is an important lesson. Easier to keep quiet about my little projects until they are well under way and have gained their own momentum. If the agendas conflict, even friends and loved ones can work to cross ones’ purpose, however unknowingly.

It took a long time to understand that no one else will do the things that only I can do. And in the long run, how can anyone read my books if I don’t write them? I am grateful for this lesson. The reminder of Hemmingway who said, “A writer must act like his writing is the most important thing in the world, even when he knows it isn’t.”

In retrospect, it is the things too numerous to mention I am most grateful for. Roof over my head, Love in the home, food on the table, and waking up each morning, even when I didn’t want to – the joys of the day after making even a rotten one before worth surviving. And each time a member of our household came home again was a cause for personal inner-celebration. My heart overwhelmed with gratitude because it wasn’t otherwise breaking.

I used to think that if I became a certain type of person, somehow different, I could avoid troubles or achieve this or that, but the truth is I have always been the same me. Honest to a fault, perfectionist, and all the rest of it – this will not change. My grandmother once proclaimed that I have a “tender conscience” as if this magickal, inner Jiminy Cricket would somehow help in life.  And since the striving is also a part of me, it is my persistent faith that it does help. It must, eventually.

I’ve been reading the original story of Pinocchio. It is not the same as the Disney version at all. Spoiler alert: In the first few pages the naughty puppet smashes the fragile cricket against the wall because Jiminy wouldn’t shut up. It is the ghost of the cricket who thereafter chastises the puppet-wanna-be-boy. This too, sounds strangely familiar.

And while some people have trouble saying ‘I’m sorry’, for me it is ever on the tip of my tongue, offered even to furniture on occasion. The words are so often unworthy of me as I stumble through moments of social awkwardness and confusion. And I am tempted again to beg forgiveness for being disappointingly human once more. In truth, it is vain to think anyone even notices my silly inner-transgressions.

Fact is, the struggle to become ‘real’ has been over since the moment of birth. Perhaps I just forgot. Or maybe I didn’t know what to do after that. Where some seem to understand and embark upon their path and purpose, right away—mine it seemed was in the being. Only now have the roots set deep enough for flowering and the fruit to show. A little.

So this is a note of praise for the lessons and mercies of 2016. A note of encouragement and quiet resolution for the plans of 2017. The tapestry of our combined work is so much bigger than any of us know. I am happy to work on my little bit and trust that it fits in somewhere, like a puzzle piece…just right… here. And wishing a bright and prosperous New Year for all creatures of good will in the Earth.

a banner reading "happy new year 2017"
Andrew-Art / pixabay.com

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January 4, 2017

If you’re interested in the mechanics, basics, and caveats of polythestic mysticism, Ian does a great job of laying everything out here, here, here, and here . What he doesn’t cover is the wisdom I really wanted to know all these years: what’s the experience of it like, articulated by a skeptic experimenter. I am not afraid to be profaned in public. As a Druí of a local sliocht and a Feartuaithe, I consider myself a taboo maker and breaker, my fate is my own and I’ll face the fairies and gods, who usually do not like it when you talk about these things, as Morgan Daimler will tell you.

When you enter the mystic, gnostic, or entheogenic state, or go to Fairy, one of the first things you’ll notice is either a very solid unity or a battle of all the dichotomies in your mind. Which one you experience tells you a lot about yourself, and in that state, you know exactly what you should do to remedy any part of that, or if you should at all. Enlightenment isn’t a goal, it’s just a tool, it’s turning the damn light on so you can see the work. Needless to say the former is the state of the superior mystic, one who has been experienced for more than a year in reaching the Wisdom of Illumination.

Unfortunately, for most people which consume content on mysticism, they’re being sold a river of shit, and have been for a long time. Enlightenment isn’t the gate to nirvana, yes infinite bliss is there, sometimes, but there are still aeons of work to be done for those we care about to reach for their lamps and start helping with the Tribes work. I hate the term soul group so I use Tribe, which includes any kind of blood-kin, heart-kin, or animal-kin.

Further exploration into this state yields a unity that bridges what is inside your mind to what is outside of your mind.

a woman meditating while wearing a cloak
robertlischka / pixabay.com

The Core of Mysticism

The core of mysticism is to attain states of consciousness that circumvent the psychological filters and algorithms which match patterns and filter our senses and subconscious world away from our hunting, surviving mind. Now here is where things go wrong in articulating each of our perceived real reality, outside of our psychological filters.

Folks like Alan Watts, Lao Tzu, Late Vedic Prophets, et al., decide it is something different than what they’ve already lead themselves to perceive, simply on account of the increased sense of unity and connectedness with the things around them.

The problem, is, these philosophers, visionaries, and mystics come from a starting position of what am I, their pursuit is about their self, it starts with them. Lao Tzu was a hermit, he wrote about what was good and worked for him, didn’t write at all about the chinese folk religion or ancestor veneration. Not saying these mystics didn’t bring back wisdom, I just think it, like bronze age scripture, was filtered through the programming of the times.

I think they need to evaluate that the individual Self isn’t a single person, but rather the family and extended family. I believe this is evinced by the need of one individual of many skills of other individual specialists. The biggest individual human is the village, the smallest individual human is the family. You’re just a part of an individual, complete with the magic of being an interchangeable part who can go out and start an entirely new individual human with other ‘parts’.

 Cliché, Woo-Woo, Mystical Bullshit

In the 2006 BBC documentary which reveals Castenda mostly a fraud, a real anthropologist, Dr. Jay Courtney Fikes, visited the Mexican Shamans in Don Juan’s region, for lack of a better word, and even spoke with Don Juan’s wife. They, the Mexican mystics, held practices which had less to do with self-realization and enlightenment, and more to do with tribal facilitation and maintenance– polytheistic or animistic view.

At about the time of Paramahansa Yogananda, Alan Watts, Carlos Castaneda, and others, our western culture of orthodoxy and frigidity stifled folks who are naturally avant-garde to the point where these revolutionary ideas almost filled a negative vacuum. This was so fast, swift and profitable that anyone could simply create anything, co-opt anything, remove all the nuances out of it, and simplify it so they could explain it to an American crowd. And now people take it for cliché, woo-woo, mystical bullshit.

a sunset over the ocean with the sun hidden behind the clouds
shogun / pixabay.com

Are we all one?

To think that you are one with this entirety of the Universe in these states, is just one perspective, and I’m glad to say that when I am in this state, I don’t get the sense that we are all one. I understand when folks come from a monist or monotheist over-culture how this would be the first path in the labyrinth they’d go down, and they might certainly find a seat of power in that, but they wouldn’t be headed toward the Sovereignty Seat of Indo-European (IE) Polytheism Mysticism.

If we were all one, then when our psychological filters dropped we’d be able to perceive the 5 senses of every sentient being in the universe, and because that doesn’t happen, we’re going to look toward a polytheist mysticism, one which explains what we feel when we perceive these same states through our IE worldview. One which explains the feelings of intense unity but from one perspective.

So the funny thing about polytheist mysticism, these sensations also occur to a us in the same way, yet we arrive at an entirely different view of reality. These are a few beliefs I’ve garnered from a state I call the “Wisdom of Illumination”.

Tenets of IE Polytheistic Mysticism:

We are not all one, but we are all.

Maybe we were in the beginning, and that may be what mythical persons like Ymir are about.  But, while we are certainly all variations on the same fractal system of cells and organ though to a solar system, we are provably not of the same mind; I don’t care how much mescaline you took, Alan, all minds are not of the same personalities.

What essentially is happening here is the notion of a god, a word which first finds its origin in Indo-European polytheism, is taken by monotheists who apply it to their gods who previously conformed to the standards of polytheism. They then further inflated that from supreme sentience or personality to infinite being, then onto immanent in every particle in nature. So, if you go this crooked method of defining the non-personal with words that are meant for personal beings, you get silly notions like you are god when you experience said unity and mystic bliss.

All gods are not one.

Simply stated, all gods are not one; hard polytheism is not monotheism, nor is it monism.

You are a god; every sentience is.

Being accused of having a god complex in western civilization when you say you are god or are a god, is the result of language and meaning attachment, bias, but most of all, is an expression of what Alan Watt’s calls the taboo of of our society: knowing who you really are. In India calling yourself a god is a regular occurrence. As monists or polytheists, doing so doesn’t come with any implied ranking. Such is the same as saying, I am a spirit.

a photo graph of white smoke against a field of black
maxknoxvill / pixabay.com

We don’t come into the world, we come out of it.

Alan Watt’s was right about this: our bodies come from the material from the dismemberment of the cosmic giant, Bith, Ymir, Purusha, and any other surviving or reconstructed IE cognates. This material makes up the universe, this world, and our bodies, the spirit houses for our observing spirit.

Ego deaths do not invalidate the individual, they reveal what the individual truly is.

The sense of self is not gone, it just doesn’t refer to the same thing as it does when you are reading this text. The sense of self being associated as part with the world around you is neither literal nor figurative, it is both equally and not the other. What is really happening in the mind of the polytheist is that you are identifying with the web of causality that is around you, it’s the same web of causality the ancestors did to make your body (which is a spirit house for the god that is you, the spirit).

During such an experience, your deeds, honor, sense of self is ripped from you, but not from your reach entirely, rather they are part of the world and you are just the observer who wears them as clothes. This observing spirit is what you are, you as a soul, a spirit, or a low ranking god. It really is a multi-dimensional tesseract-like form of you throughout eternity, but let’s not go there just yet, that’s scary talk.


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January 3, 2017

As we move into the new year we enter into the territory of new year’s resolutions. The idea of resolutions always makes me thinks of the somewhat related concept of oaths, since to me there’s a thin line between publicly declaring a goal you will accomplish and making an oath to accomplish that same goal. In both cases people are witnessing your words, but in one it’s only a personal statement while the other is a more formal promise.

Oaths

a stone altar before a door leading into a tomb
Newgrange, Image by Morgan Daimler 2016

Oaths are a pretty serious business, or they should be. An oath, after all, is a promise to do/not do something or calling on something to verify your truthfulness. The first kind of oath is usually invoking either a higher power to witness it or offering something as a surety if the oath is broken. The idea with a surety is straightforward – you agree to offer something in payment if you break your word.

In the story of ‘How the Dagda Got His Magic Staff‘ for example the Dagda gives the sun, moon, sea, and land as securities against his promise to return the staff to it’s original owners. The idea of a divine witness is a bit more complicated but generally seems to be that you are calling on the deity, spirit, or such to hold you to your word or act to prove if what you are saying is false.

In the Tain Bo Cuailgne Cu Chulainn swears an oath by saying ‘I swear by the God my people swear by’ and in the same tale Fergus swears by his sword as a sacred thing of the goddess Macha. The Romans recounted that the Gauls made oaths by the sea, land, and sky, saying that should their oath be broken the sea would rise up and drown them, the land open and swallow them, and the air smother them.

Oaths were not something to be taken lightly. Once made an oath was not supposed to be broken, and a person’s honor rested on their ability to keep their word. Even the Gods were held to this standard, something we see in the story of how Oengus mac ind Og won the Bru na Boinne as his home. In the story he had gotten the Bru’s original owner – some say Elcmar, some say the Dagda – to promise him the use of the place for a day and a night. But when the original owner returned the next day to reclaim his home, Oengus replied that since all time was measured by a day and a night he was entitled to keep the Bru. Rather than be foresworn the owner gave up his home to Oengus. If an oath was broken a person’s reputation was negatively impacted and often they would have to take some reparative action to compensate for it.

a blade placed on a rock pictured from above
a bronze sword dedicated to Macha. In the Tain Bo Cuailigne Fergus calls his sword a halidom of Macha. Image by M Daimler 2014

Thinking Before Oathing

This is one of those things that’s a lot more serious than most people seem to treat it. An oath is a big deal. Failing in an oath has consequences, whether that oath was a promise related an action or an affirmation of truthfulness. Failing in a regular oath or promise to another person weakens your honor and the strength of your word, but what about when you break an oath to or in the name of a deity? When we swear to a deity or call on a deity to witness an oath we are making we are directly involving that deity in the situation. If we succeed, good. But what if we fail? What if we are knowingly lying? The Gauls who swore by sea, earth, and sky believed those elements themselves would rise up and punish the oath breakers.

I cannot answer the question of what will happen if you break an oath to a deity or spirit, because I believe it depends a lot on which deity or spirit we are talking about. I can say looking at folklore that breaking an oath to the Fair Folk is a profoundly bad idea, and I don’t recommend it. Breaking one to your ancestors? Well how do you think that will go over? Each individual deity has their own personality and inclination to respond differently, but at the least I imagine some éraic, some weregild, some compensation will be expected of you one way or another.

Who Do You Swear By?

As a pagan or polytheist who or what do you swear to and by? How do you handle making oaths? There is something of a running joke in my house with my children, Whenever someone slips into the cultural expression of saying ‘oh my god’ or ‘I swear to god’ whoever is around them will ask, ‘which one?’, and ‘what are you swearing?’. It seems silly but it has taught my children pretty quickly to think about what they are actually saying and to be more careful with their words. I want them to understand that words do matter and oaths shouldn’t be taken lightly. Not when you believe in Powers with agency and independence and in a magical system where the strength of your word impacts the strength of your magic.

a crow or other black bird in a field of grass
A corvid among the grass at Teamhair, Ireland. Image copyright M Daimler 2016

As for me, I try not to make oaths unless I think it’s essential to. When I do I am fond of oaths as they are made in the old ballads. In ‘The Well Below the Valley‘ the woman ‘swore by grass’ and ‘swore by corn’; although knowing that corn was a general term for grain and loving alliteration I tend to prefer saying grass and grain. As an animist swearing by grass and grain has just as much weight for me as swearing by land, sea, and sky did (I imagine) for those historic Gauls, and as making a solemn oath to any God. I certainly do not want the grass and grain rising up against me for breaking my word. I will also sometimes swear by something sacred within my Tradition, with the same logic, that I don’t want to break my word and have that turned against me.

Oaths are a serious business, and one I think that we as Pagans and Polytheists should put more thought into. If you haven’t before, perhaps take a moment to contemplate what significance oaths have for you. When you make an oath are you prepared to pay a price for breaking it? Who do you swear to and by? These are important questions I think, and worth considering.


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January 2, 2017

I think that abuse is actually the norm, not the exception. In the past years, since getting out of an abusive relationship, I’ve written a lot about abuse. Like many survivors, I learned one important technique to avoid future abuse: avoid abusers. Cut them out of your life. Do not allow yourself to be drawn back into the cycle.

But here’s the problem; abuse is the norm.

an artistic lock displayed next to roses
Art by Shauna Aura Knight

What I mean by that is, when I engage with most people, I notice toxic patterns all the time. One of my strategies to heal from my abuse (and get my head straight again) was to retreat from the world. I became a hermit. I’m an introvert, so this wasn’t too much of a departure from my norm. The past four years, most of my interaction with human beings has been when I’m traveling and teaching. Or via social media, and while I still encounter plenty of horrible behavior from people there, I can also walk away pretty easily if I need to.

During this attempt to be a hermit I engaged in the process of dating several different men (and all of those in an open relationship format where I usually had to interact with their primary partners as well) I found myself running into more abusive and toxic behavior.

And most of this behavior isn’t stuff that anyone would notice as being “wrong.” As someone who has experienced abuse (in my case, primarily of the emotional and psychological time), and as someone who teaches communication and group dynamics, I see these toxic behaviors all over the place, and I’m now hyper aware of it.

Like so many other victims of abuse, I swore to never, ever let myself get stuck in an abusive romantic relationship. Or friendship. Or family dynamic. I frequently talk about boundaries, and how the ultimate enforcement of our boundaries (establishing limits) is cutting someone out of our lives. Every time I talk about this in a workshop after people have told me about their abusive friend/relative/lover/coven leader, and I say, “You could cut them out of your life,” they say, “Oh no, I could never do that.”

Abuse survivors know that yes, you can. And often you must. Because abuse typically follows a pattern of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Every time Mr. Hyde makes a monstrous and hurtful appearance, Dr. Jekyll’s there with apologies and flowers. “I’ll never do that again, I swear.”

Often the only way out of the pattern is to dial our trust back down to zero. To remove all contact with the abuser. Because–and trust me, I hate saying this about myself–those of us who have been fooled, been bamboozled, been suckered into that pattern, we know that we’re susceptible to it. We get into someone’s orbit and we want to believe they’ll be better, even though the abuse continues, and usually escalates.

One of the most important lessons that victims of abuse learn is that their abuser cannot change, cannot be fixed.

But the more I work to recover from my own experiences, the more I realize how ubiquitous abuse is. How much abusive behavior is everywhere and people don’t even notice it.

In short–there’s no way I could ever interact with anyone and avoid abuse.

And so I’ve learned that abuse is, to a certain extent, a spectrum. That yes, much like there are trolls on the internet that you will never be able to talk to, there are abusers who will never change their behavior. They will be harmful to the people around them. Whether they have a personality disorder or they’re just jerks, who cares. They aren’t changing.

Then there are the rest of us. And yes–I count myself among the abusers. I’m a survivor of abuse, and I’m a perpetrator. Because I can’t write an article about this, I can’t talk to people about their own shadows, without facing my own shadow on this.

I’ve engaged in emotional and psychological abuse too.

Was I planning on it? Nope. Did I wake up intending to harm someone else that day? Nope. I was acting on autopilot. I was protecting that fragile part of me deep inside. The part that was afraid and hurting; the part that was abused before I knew what abuse was.

Because, we pay it forward. Because, we learn from the dysfunctional behaviors around us. We learn dysfunctional communication from sitcoms and from our families. We see bullying normalized on children’s television shows. I never liked Looney Tunes as a kid, and now I hear these cartoons are no longer broadcast. And thinking back, it makes sense to me; Bugs Bunny and the rest of the cartoon crew are physically harming one another, bullying one another, psychologically torturing one another.

Years ago, I made a commitment to almost entirely stop teasing people, because I recognized it was a form of abuse. It’s a way of controlling the behavior of others through subtle shaming. I will tease fellow Star Wars geeks about our geekery, for instance, because it’s a shared joy and camaraderie. I will not tease someone about anything that might actually hurt them.

And, when I am engaging in a new relationship with any emotional intimacy (lovers, friends, etc.) I sometimes will go through the exercise of communicating specific things that I am absolutely not ok with being teased about. My acne, my weight, my depression or anxiety.

In the case of my current romantic relationship, my boyfriend is a “car guy,” and I specifically asked him to not tease me about any issues with my car. I asked that if he had something he needed to communicate to me about my car (the tires are low, I need an oil change, the brakes are crunchy) that he do so in a way that isn’t teasing. It’s really helped me to hear what he’s saying without me getting defensive. I know I don’t know a whole lot about cars, and I don’t feel that I have to somehow “show off” to counteract the emotional impact of the teasing.

Think about how much teasing goes on in your life in any given day. It’s abusive. People say, “Oh, teasing is how we show love around here.” Nope, it’s how we tear down the self esteem of others and perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

I remember being in high school in the theater department. All of us backstage geeks used to tease the crap out of each other. I learned the form of humor of ripping on one another, and that took quite some time to unlearn since that was the first time I ever had real friends. That was my social norm.

The kinds of abuse where I’ve been the perpetrator have primarily been in the context of romantic relationships where I felt cornered and tried to manipulate a situation to my advantage. There are probably times where I engaged in gaslighting–that is to say, rewriting reality to fit what I wanted my partner to feel and do. An example that comes to mind is, my ex husband was angry at me about something, and instead of just acknowledging I’d made a mistake, I tried to make him wrong, make him the bad guy, so that I could be the good guy.

Trying to be the “good guy” is a lot of our underlying human programming; it’s a lot of what fuels our ego.

I’ve written a bit about my own work to be less of a know-it-all. Most know-it-alls seem to share a pretty common pattern; we have issues with self esteem. (Maybe we’ve been bullied or abused. We’re raised in a culture of shame, it’s not hard to end up this way.) And, our ego overcompensates for this with what a therapist would call an unsuccessful strategy; we somehow cover over our deepest fears about ourselves, and that nagging sensation that nobody likes us, by trying to be good at something: knowing things and being smarter than anyone else, or at least, more knowledgeable on our topic of choice.

Theoretically, know-it-alls end up like this because our egos want to make us likable to other people. If we know things, if we’re smart, we must be “good.” And ego is kind of simplistic about the whole good/bad thing. We want to be good, but we don’t realize that our “strategy” to be “good” is actually counterproductive. We’re actually pushing people away from us.

It’s worth exploring this particular behavior because it ties right back into so many of the other abusive behaviors, particularly the psychological ones. Bullying and abuse of this type often goes back to protecting that small, fragile part inside of ourselves that’s afraid. Gaslighting isn’t always the malicious strategy of a sociopath; it’s often enough the defense mechanism of someone who has been bullied and abused and is just trying to be the “good” one.

It’s only as the victim of gaslighting, and as someone who’s read about, thought about, and written about abuse, that I began to understand that I, too, had engaged in this form of abuse. I wasn’t trying to psychologically destabilize my ex, I was just trying to not be the “bad” one.

Years ago I was exposed to a form of personal/spiritual work called a Fear Progression. How this worked is, you dig up your worst, gnarliest fear. And someone asks you, “And what would happen if that fear came true?” If you keep asking people a series of similar questions as they name their fears and the consequences, eventually most people’s fears boil down to, “Because nobody would like me.” “And what would happen if nobody liked you? “I would be alone.” “And what would happen if you were alone?” “I would die.”

Ask yourself those questions when you think about your worst fears. How many of your fears are about how others will judge you? How many of your fears are about whether or not people will care about you, whether or not you will have friends and family? Whether or not you’ll be alone?

Our culture so normalizes abuse and bullying, it so normalizes shaming, that we don’t even realize it’s being done to us.

And we don’t realize that we’re doing it to the people we love.

It’s hard to look in the mirror and recognize that we’re engaging in some of these abusive behaviors ourselves. For myself, it’s one of the hardest realizations I’ve made in my personal work. But it’s come hard at the heels of me recognizing that, if I tried to cut every abusive person out of my life, that’s everyone.

That’s every single person. Because there isn’t anyone I know who doesn’t engage in at least some toxic behaviors.

Almost a year ago, I ended one phase of my hermit-hood by moving in with my partner and his wife. And that’s brought up a lot of issues for me. Some of it has nothing to do with anyone doing anything wrong; I have had to come face to face with the fact that my anxiety has triggers, such as people yelling (even if it’s reasonable to yell). And this probably means that I’m staring down a diagnosis of PTSD, but I won’t know that for sure until I’m able to find a way to get health care assistance so that I can afford to get therapy. Some of the issues are just the issues that happen when people live together. We’re not perfect. We make mistakes, we’re different from one another in our wants and needs, and we’re going to annoy one another.

And other issues have come up because of toxic behaviors.

So I’ve had to renegotiate my approach. These aren’t people I’m cutting out of my life. I’m investing the time and energy to help address the toxic, manipulative, and abusive behaviors of certain people in my life. And it’s more work to do that, and it’s more work still to hold the discernment to figure out, is this a malignant narcissist or sociopath? Or is this someone who is hurting inside, who is acting on autopilot, and who has the potential to shift their behavior? Is this someone in my life that is toxic, but I don’t have to engage with them much? It takes a lot of juggling to balance how much effort to invest, and who it’s worth sucking up the courage to confront.

So much of the focus of my work is on personal and spiritual growth. And most of that boils down to healing our egos, healing our wounded hearts. Healing from the shame and the bullying and abuse. Healing from the misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, racism. The body shaming, the sex shaming. The anything-you-can-think-of shaming. That hurt, that abuse, cracks and shatters our hearts.

Some hearts are shattered so badly that–while there’s a possibility of transformation, it’s unlikely, and it’s beyond my ability to sustain a relationship with someone like that. And I wish I had the power to heal and to help, but I don’t. Again, maybe they are sociopaths or narcissists, maybe not, but they’re beyond my ability to be with.

Most broken hearts, I believe, are shattered pieces that can become that stained glass mosaic.

The secret to healing is to look into the Dark Mirror, the Mirror of Souls. To journey down to the Underworld to face our shadows and our fears. There is the work of addressing the toxic behavior of others around us–and finding ways to skillfully do that is a separate post entirely. But there is also the work of addressing how we, each of us, might also do some of these things.

The challenge is standing on the knife’s edge of balance; by learning we’ve done bad, hurtful things, we are in danger of worsening our own issues of poor self esteem and self image. We are in danger of adding more weight to that voice of self-shaming that causes the problems and behaviors in the first place.

But we can hold the paradox of, I’ve done something hurtful in the past, and, I am committing to doing better. I may have engaged in harmful behavior, but I am not a bad person and I can learn a different way.

Only if we recognize the harmful behaviors we’ve engaged in can we change those behaviors. And we must. And only if we begin to see the culture of shame can we find the tools to dismantle it. Let us each look into the Dark Mirror, work to overcome the behaviors that make the world a worse place, and work together to move out of the cycle of abuse. Let our power be the magic of shattered glass.

Let us make beauty from the broken. *


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*Many thanks to Tonya Threet for that lovely turn of phrase.

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