Andy Gill
Some days I wake up and I’m like what the @#ck?!
If someone told me that following Jesus could put me back home, waiting tables, and working retail in the mall, I would have laughed hysterically… Cause, becoming a disciple (following jesus) looks more like Indiana Jones, or Jack Bauer. Obviously.
“I think many of us secretly expect missionaries to look like Indiana Jones: leather jackets, dusty fedoras and ragged pants, with maybe a pistol or at least a whip—and, of course, a battered Bible with two or three bullet holes. It can’t be coincidence that missionary and mercenary sound almost exactly alike.” – Adam Stuck
But seriously what am I doing with my life? I kinda want more then just working retail in the mall, and blogging on the weekends.
I mean, It’s been about a year now. Holy crap, ITS BEEN A YEAR since I decided to not be a pastor anymore, leave the church, and come back east…
The thing is, I don’t regret leaving the church, turning down any jobs… I don’t regret following my convictions in the least.
But, the weird thing is I’m content with my decision that has gotten me to where I am now, but I’m not content with staying where I am now…
I still can’t shake the thought of life being SO short, and the fact that I’m a third of the way through it (27)…
I dunno about you but, I don’t want to wait to live later, I want to live now… The reality is in order to live now you need money, and a job to get you that money, so you’re spending your life working for money so you can live, But you’re not actually “living”, you’re working…
In a job.
That sucks.
I don’t want to live to work, I want to work to live I just want to live and not work ever. I read a quote the other day it went something like:
“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he’s always doing both.”
The main question that has been eating away at me has been: What’s next?
I know retail is not my calling.
But right now, it’s my reality. I’m thankful for it. I really am. I have health insurance. The people I work with are amazing. The product is obviously legit (I geek out over apple stuff). It’s just not my purpose.
Whatever that may be.
“Living a good story is kind of like driving on a mountain. There are a lot of dark corners to go around while having no idea what is around them”- Laura Livingood
Yesterday I was catching up with a buddy and he asked me, “so what are you going to do then?” I paused and responded, “I dunno, I have a better idea and more direction, but I still don’t know…”
I’m looking at stuff in Nashville. Considering being a flight attendant. Looking at going back to school. Continuing to speak. I just want to make sure that when I die, whether that be today or 100 years from today, that I know I did everything in my power to live life, and life to it’s full…
advice.suggestions.prayers appreciated. :)
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