The Inappropriate Comments of the Day!

Whee! Patheos finally assimilated my blog into the Borg! They’ve been re-designing the format of all the blogs to optimize page views, which I personally think is very nice of them, so that’s why my blog looks different. I really love it. I think it’s neat, clean and professional-looking, which totally goes hand-in-hand with the contents of my blog. Right? Right?

And on that note, I bring to you, O Faithful Readers, the inappropriate comments of the day.

I’m not sure what it is about being 9 months pregnant with your 3rd, 4th, and subsequent children, but from what I’ve heard (and experienced), it seems to make everyone feel that it’s totally appropriate to freely discuss intimate reproductive choices in public places. Last pregnancy, I could not go to our neighborhood Trader Joe’s in Vegas without one woman asking me if the Ogre was “gonna get snipped now.” This time it’s even worse.

Exhibit A: the blood-draw technician (is that a technical term?) at the Quest by my doctor’s office.

Technician: “So, is this your first baby?”

Me: “No, it’s my fourth.”

Technician: “Your fourth!” *shakes head* “So are you gonna get your tubes tied now?”

Me: “No.”

Technician: “My mom had six. I don’t know why.”

Me: *awkward, incredulous silence*

Exhibit B: the pharmacist, who is extremely sweet and always careful to review all medications with me, and who fills my prescriptions first because I (and this is a direct quote) “look like you just want to die, darling!”

Pharmacist: “Just so you know, phenergen has recently been moved to Class C during pregnancy, but it’s still considered safer than the other migraine meds.”

Me: “Okay, thank you so much. I’m so glad I really only have to deal with migraines during pregnancy. At least I know there’s an end in sight! I feel so bad for people who suffer from migraines all the time.”

Pharmicist: “Oh, I know! I had terrible hormonal migraines during pregnancy and my cycles, so after my second baby I got spayed! That took care of everything. It was the best choice I ever made!”

Me: *awkward, incredulous silence*

Exhibit C: the check-out receptionist at the neurologist’s office.

Check-out receptionist (referring to Charlotte): “She is just adorable! Do you know if you’re having another girl?”

Me: “Actually I’m having a boy.”

Check-out receptionist: “Oh how perfect! One boy and one girl!”

Me: “Actually, I have a six-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy at home, so it’ll be two and two.”

Check-out receptionist: “Oh. Wow. So you guys just can’t figure out what causes that, can you?”

Me: *totally deadpan* “No, we keep asking people and they just keep telling us to get a TV. I can’t figure out what TV has to do with all these kids, though.”

Check-out receptionist: *awkward, incredulous silence*

Me: “Can you explain it to me?”

Check-out receptionist: *nervous laugh, followed by awkward, incredulous silence*

Me: “Okay, well thanks anyway, I guess.”

Seriously. That all happened in the span of about 2 hours. I probably would have been slightly more charitable about the endless fascination with the state of my future reproductive health if I hadn’t been greeted by the check-in receptionist thusly:

Check-in receptionist: “So, are you ever going to have that baby?”

Me: “I certainly hope so. The doctor says about three more weeks.”

Check-in receptionist: “I don’t know how you’re going to make it three more weeks.”

Me: “Yeah, me neither.”

Check-in receptionist: “I mean, you’re huge.”

Me: “I know.”

Check-in receptionist: “But you’re really enormous.”

Me: “Yeah, I know.”

Check-in receptionist:”Just so you know, that baby is going to weigh at least 20 pounds.”

Me: “I doubt he’ll weigh that much.”

Check-in receptionist: “No, he has to. You’re just so huge.”

Me: *awkward, incredulous silence*

Check-in receptionist: “I feel really sorry for you.”

Me: *withering glare*

Check-in receptionist: *calling over her shoulder* “Nancy, isn’t she huge?”

And to top it all off, my husband snapped this picture of me sacked out on the couch yesterday afternoon. He said he took the picture because it was “sweet”, but my first thought upon seeing it was, “Holy hell, I am ENORMOUS!” followed quickly by, “my face is so swollen. Do I really look like that?”


When I voiced these concerns out loud (sans the expletive), Sienna said, “I told you you looked like a beach ball.”

Pregnancy, thou art the enemy of vanity.

Happy Friday, everyone!

  • Ted Seeber

    My wife and I got started late in life- I was 32 when my son was born, my wife was 30. We’ve been using NFP in reverse for 12 years now, and God’s answer to all of our pleading seems to be “Only one special needs child for you”.

    I don’t even want to know what my brother, who has 4 sons and whose family fully embraces “whatever God sends to us” thinks- and I’ve never asked. But I feel sad about the poverty in my life- and the extreme poverty of those who have bought into the overpopulation lie and have a small family by *choice*. Because for us, it isn’t.

    • jen

      Have you heard of Reece’s Rainbow? I ask because I’m a Guardian Angel for a kid there.

      • Ted Seeber

        Hadn’t heard of that before now. I will consider it if and when we get to that point.

  • Margaret

    Calah, we don’t know each other IRL, but I have to say, as the mom whose babies have all run in the 9-11 pound range, you really don’t look that big. Truly. And I have no idea how old you are, but your face is holding up beautifully to the inevitable puffing out/shrinking down thing that occurs with each pregnancy. You look lovely.

    Ted, I run into your comments very frequently at Patheos. I always really enjoy your commentary, and as the mother of a teenaged Aspie who is far less articulate than you, I feel like I’m slowly getting better insight into what makes him tick by reading what you have to say. So– thank you. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to have more children, but I’m sure the care you and your wife are putting into the one you’ve been blessed with is greatly pleasing to God.

    • Ted Seeber

      Boy am I glad I searched out and figured out the “hidden comments” feature to read this. God Bless you too Margaret.

  • jen

    I love the “haven’t you figured out what causes it?” one. I mean, it’s crappy that she said it but I love your response.

    My “best” story about inappropriate comments was when one of our “special” parishioners called me after I’d just gotten home 30 minutes earlier from my surprise week-long hospitalization for my emergency c-section to chew me a new one because I wasn’t at the hospital bonding with Daniel and feeding him. Yeah… my kid was being fed TPN through an NG tube and I was getting to have “care times” every 3-4 hours with touch time every other time (so like actual physical contact for an hour every 6-8 hours). It’s been 3.5 years and I’m still spitting fire about it.

  • Elaine

    Golly where do you live? I never have had that reaction, even walking around swollen with number 5. “Is this your first?”
    “Nope, this is my fifth.”
    “Wow! How do you do it?”
    “Well, to be honest it gets easier after three…” (and it does, of course)
    The harder questions for me have come lately, asking if this is my last baby. Most seems to think I might be up for one more, but maybe that’s because I’m so positive about babies in general. I hate to say no to God’s precious treasures, but at the age of 42 I think I’m ready to move on to a different stage in my life. Hard to say but true.

    God bless you and those poor impoverished folks who cannot fathom a large family. God bless you too, Ted…you should rest easy in the fact that you have remained open to His will. Although, I’ve got to say that there is one couple in our parish who had two boys and then no other pregnancies until the youngest was 16. Then they had a surprise girl and less than a year later another surprise girl was on the way! I have another friend who had her 9th baby at the age of 46 when her youngest was 6… Anyway you just never know. Rest easy in Him.

    • Ted Seeber

      That’s what we’re still hoping (and charting) for.

  • Lena

    I don’t know how you don’t punch people in the face. I would say just keep saying stupid/clever things to stupid people so they are speechless.

    Ted, I’m laughing when you say 32 is late in life.

    • Ted Seeber

      9 years later, I’m 41, and it feels later than ever- maybe because I’m now on “life support at night” thanks to sleep apnea, age is wearing on me early.

  • federoff11

    I concur… just keep being clever. We are expecting #11 (I’m 43) and I don’t give a rip what others think! When they tell me they “got fixed ” (why oh WHY do people have to tell me these intimate details!!!) I just say, “No, you got broken. You were working just fine till you got broken.” Funny, though, everyone keeps asking us if we’ll go for #12. I’m not getting a lot of negative comments on this baby.

    So, hey, keep going and eventually the audience assumes you are too far gone to be convinced back to population sanity. :-)

  • WSquared

    “so after my second baby I got spayed! ”

    Interesting choice of words to go with a really… catty show of sentiment.

    I love your response to the “do you know what causes that?” one.

  • GeekLady

    Relax, you look beautiful.

    …If you want to see fat-all-over pregnant, I’ll hunt up a picture tomorrow.

  • Jessica

    This is only my first and people have been saying I’m “so huge” for months now. I could shrug off the strangers, but when the L&D nurses at the hospital commented that at 28 weeks they thought I was checking in to deliver (just preterm labor scare), I knew I must be truly gigantic.

    I like how people tell you how big you are like you don’t already realize it! Maybe next time, I should just look blankly and say, “What? Really? Do you think I might be pregnant?”

  • Crisler

    I think you look beautiful.