Divorce & Facebook.

Divorce. Facebook. It. Is. So. Hard. Both of them. Heinous. It takes a long time. It takes a long time to calm your mind about what others are thinking YOU should do about YOUR life…as if it’s not yours, but their -limited- opinions that matter more than your own. It takes a long time to go through your profile photos to delete pictures of you & the ex.  Let alone whole entire albums of family vacations & the like. It... Read more

In Which I Pare Things Down

When my ex & I separated, I took so few things. I didn’t want a lot from that house, honestly. Over the years, I’d become completely overwhelmed with more than a decade of pat-rack accumulation. There was so much. So much stuff. The mess of that house was the face of our despair. I took my books & my clothes and not much else but a fake plant. Not a coffee table, not a sheet set. Not a couch.  Not... Read more

I Am at Peace

After years & years of angst & soul crushing sorrow, I am at peace. What I’ve been through to get here… …seems downright unmentionable. Peace born from resolve, is greater than happiness. But also, surprisingly there’s happiness too! I am so in love with my husband. My boys are priceless, rowdy treasures. And the joy of a bonus daughter? What four on earth could be more beautiful? I’d give them the sun, moon, stars & the ocean, each & every one. There’s something different about this love I’m receiving, this love I’m giving… its overflowing & going out wildly. I’m softening to enemies, previous abusers and just regular old shitty, inconsistent friends. This love is overflowing & going out wildly. I’m learning to practice this:... Read more

Lost

October is pregnancy & infant loss awareness month. Today, I’m sharing over at RaisingMothers.com about the ones I’ve lost. ::::: When I was younger, I was a big ball of happy, jumbled emotions when my ex & I decided to try for our first child. This unknown, unmade hypothetical baby was something I’d wanted since forever. We were married for 4 years and I begged him to start trying from the morning after the wedding. I had deeply & desperately longed... Read more

Besties Until 3004

The other night, one of the great loves of my life came over for a “sleepover.” The last sleepover we had was in the late 90’s so this isn’t our regular practice.  We’ve both had a busy 15 yrs. or so.  Stef & I became fast friends in junior high and we’ve been “besties until 3004”  –our signature slogan– ever since. Our mid 20’s/early 30’s did us in a bit: she went hard into her studies, medical school, residency &... Read more

The Science of Discontent

A few days ago, my new husband released his 2nd collection of poetry, essays & articles called The Science of Discontent. I bought his first offering, Like Hitchhiking in Space within days of first meeting him over the phone.  What better way to get to know a dating partner than to read their deepest pontifications? Seriously. It was like the equivalent of 10 date conversations. Dating a published author is pure jackpot. That first book was several hundred pieces he’d been working... Read more

25 Days of Core Desired Feelings

Last July I bought my husband a Danielle LaPorte Desire Map Journal. I knew he’d love it. (He does). The thing is, the 2015 journals were limited edition and 50% off, so I did what every good wife would do: I bought myself the same one so we could ‘discuss,’ of course. This journal is hella dope and it’s been incredibly transformational for me this summer. The premise is that instead of chasing daily/weekly or monthly goals we should chase... Read more

Her Life Matters

This morning I dropped my youngest son off at Kindergarten for his first day.  Like me, a lot of parents were huddled around doting on their little munchkins off to face this new transition. As we waited in line, I knelt down to rest and he burrowed up on my back, playing with dangly earrings. From this low vantage point, I noticed a little African-American girl in another line, alone, crying. I peeled my son off me & went over... Read more

On Fear

This morning I woke up afraid. There was a bit of a thunderstorm and the slow rumble while I slept jerked me awake in fear of an earthquake.  Earthquakes are incredibly rare where I live but the accompanying fear was now present despite its unrealistic origin. Instead of being able to roll over and go back to sleep the fear latched on to other things, as it almost always does because gripping fear is a miserable shrew. I wanted to... Read more

Things Are Changing

Things are changing. I’m so grateful, Good Lawd, God Almighty in heaven, I am so grateful. So. So. Grateful. I’m in reinvention: the absolute necessity to start again, the demand for change before rock-bottom meets certain death, the soul crying out for hope begging you to not to give up on your life type of reinvention. I’m in the latter half I believe. I’m through the hardest part. I’m peeking out now at the horizon seeing it’s beauty, awestruck. The... Read more
POPULAR AT PATHEOS Progressive Christian