More Crazy Search Terms

Here are the latest Bizarre Search Terms people have typed into Google (which then, for some reason, brought them to my blog). German attack squirrels people getting attacked by squirrels dream with squirrels attacking crazy squirrels coyotes in cars what do woodpeckers want Hitler was a communist Dorothy was a rapper lying for Jesus Indiana religious leave who [Read More...]

Woody Woodpecker Turns Manic Attack Bird, Pt. 5

If you’re just joining us, parts 1-4 of this thrilling saga about how Woody Woodpecker once attacked me and left me to die in the woods are here: 1, 2, 3 and 4.  Now then: There I was, dying in the woods. No, wait. First I was alive in the woods, hanging out in this meadow, eyeballing [Read More...]

Learning About Where Others Live

Monday I posted a request (here) asking people to tell my wife Cat and me whether or not we should buy Our First House Ever where they live, and why. Here’s a summary of the responses we’ve thus far received: “Taryn” recommends to us Springfield, MO–to which I am automatically partial, since MO is the [Read More...]

Weird Searches

First, lemme say that today for sure I’m going to finish up (well, what are the chances: but at the very least I’ll start finishing up) Woody Woodpecker Turns Manic Attack Bird. (That link was to Part 1; here are parts 2, 3 and 4.) But first, I had to jam in here a note from Go Figure [Read More...]

Tell My Wife and Me About Where You Live, Please

Lately my wife Cat and I have been thinking about buying a home, because it looks like by the end of this year we’re going to have a little Actual Money, and enough with the renting already. The problem is that we can’t afford to buy a home in San Diego, where lawn mower shacks go for $350,000 — more if [Read More...]

Woody Woodpecker Turns Manic Attack Bird, Pt. 4

The universal, interspecies Bird Alarm System works like this: A big bird–hawk, crow, eagle, vulture, terradactyl (I assume, once, when dinosaurs flew!!)–takes an interest in something that a smaller bird who owns that something surely wishes he wouldn’t. But a lot of times the not-yet-victimized smaller bird is away somewhere. He’s off … being a bird. He’s not [Read More...]

Steve MacDonald: Funniest Guy EVER?

Remember how yesterday I said that the funniest man in the world is Steve MacDonald, Evangelism Books editor for Find that claim outrageous? Well, think again, Bucko! Here’s my proof: A while back I was e-mailing Steve about this Comedy Bit I was writing having to do with Einstein. And Steve writes me back, and [Read More...]

Rampaging Squirrel Injures Three in Germany!

My ever-hilarious friend Steve MacDonald (he’s the Evangelism Books editor for; I met him when he interviewed me here) sent me an email this morning with the cryptic subject line: “Now they’re in Germany”–and this link. Be afraid. Be very afraid. (For more on my personal relationship with marauding killer squirrels, check out my multi-postings [Read More...]

Woody Woodpecker Turns Manic Attack Bird, Pt. 3

One of the things I learned from sitting around in the forest sucking on beef jerky and “racing” banana slugs (I’d pair them up, say “Go!”, and then watch them act like the under-motivated slabs of yellow, antenna-sporting goo they were), was that little birds protect other little birds from big birds. Here, I learned, [Read More...]

Woody Woodpecker Turns Manic Attack Bird, Pt. 2

The year was 1976. Big shoes were in. So was big hair, big pants legs, big belts, big hats, big sunglasses, big neckties, and collars on men’s shirts that were so huge it was like having your head stuck between two skateboard ramps. I don’t know why everything was so big in the 70′s. I [Read More...]