DOMOMAP: Defense of My Own Marriage Action Plan

I’d like to weigh in on the big news of today in my own way, since I lack the insight, eloquence and also the guts of some of my fellow Patheos bloggers. There are so many educated insights floating around, so rather than blogging today I spent my day praying about what — if anything — I should write about on a day when major legal news was made in the arena of the definition of marriage. For a full overview of the Catholic context for and response to the Supreme Court decision, definitely pay a visit to the USCCB website.

My prayers today were about whether I should weigh in on what has been decided, ruled upon, promulgated. In the end, I decided to focus on matters closer to home: my own marriage.

That phrase “Defense of Marriage Act” has been ringing in my ears for the past several months as we watched this situation unfold. When I hear it, my mind goes immediately not to the “definition of marriage”, but rather — perhaps selfishly — to my own marriage. In other words, in the light of all that unfolds around us day in and day out in such a crazy world, how can I “defend” the one marriage over which I have control (or at least half of the control): my own?

So I decided that rather than blogging about what happened today, I would pray about my own “DOMOMAP” — my own “Defense of My Own Marriage Action Plan”. Since I tend to process things by journaling, I’ll share with you just a few of the notes I can up with in prayer time:

  • Pray unceasingly with and for my spouse. Keep the Eucharist, Christ and his Church at the center of my relationship. Ask for God’s unceasing bounty in my relationship with Greg and his support in being the best, most loving wife I can possibly be.
  • Turn to trusted role models for the mentorship and support – at the top of that list are my own mom and dad, who have been married 51 years and counting and who not only still love one another, but who actually have fun together. That’s the kind of marriage I’d love to have for the next quarter century.
  • Nurture my relationship with my best friend — this means going to him in good times and in bad, leaving our lines of communication open, and not getting so wrapped up in my own “stuff” that I forget the most valuable relationship in my life (apart from the one I embrace daily with God).
  • Don’t make assumptions about those around me. I’ve fallen prey too many times to the sin of envy of others’ relationships, only to learn later on that things were not as they appeared. The only marriage I truly know is my own.

Today, on a day filled with emotion, I am deep in prayer for all of the marriages of my loved ones. The institution of marriage is largely under attack from a variety of sources, not solely today’s Supreme Court decision. My instinct in this moment is to protect the relationship that’s closest to my heart, while I continue to pray for truth, justice, and salvation.

"Only good things are to come!! Saying yes is the best. See you around, friend."

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  • Meredith Gould

    You are and continue to be a blessing, Lisa. This has been a day of heightened emotions and, from my perspective, far too little emotional or spiritual generosity. I’m grateful that you’ve prayerfully focused on your own marriage and shared how it remains strong and true. Not selfish, but generous. Thank you.

    • lisahendey

      Thanks for your kind comment Meredith. Not writing *anything* today feels like a mistake, but this is really my position on a day like this. Praying for you too, my dear newlywed friend.

  • Colleen

    Thank you, Lisa. I have not written anything but I have read a lot. And prayed. I love how you wish to focus on your own marriage. And keeping Christ at the center. If we all do this, perhaps, that will help. If we want to bring light to the world, we need to shine it in our own homes first, so others can see.

  • This is so key. We need every Catholic couple to write this sort of commitment for their marriage.