I’m Not Feeling Very Christian

Adding insult to injury - Brenda and I thought we were pregnant. The most exciting life-changing news! We went to the doctor to confirm it with a blood test and it turns out we’re not. Even more so, I got this terrible news while I was preaching in Long Beach last weekend. Talk about feeling like a helpless chump half way across the country while my wife is having to deal with this stuff without me there.

In my head I’m thinking, “Can anything else happen…seriously!?” How much more can our already beaten-down-selves take? And I even tend to think we’re pretty strong and can endure a lot! But as my Mom would annoyingly (but truthfully) say during these times, “Don’t say that because things could always get worse.”

Ok Mom. You’re right. But c’mon Lord.

Here’s what is literally holding me on my last string right now:

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)

And at the end of the day that is the point of faith – you can’t see it but you’re sure you have enough of it to continue moving forward. So I will try to continue moving forward when everything else in my life and spirit has had enough. 

This is looking like a pretty good option right about now.

I’m not saying all of this to get any pats on the back. I just need a place to express the confusion and uncertainty that is flogging my family and my life. Top all of this off with a built up resentment in my spirit recently with some Christian giants I’ve had to take on and get blasted because of it. But what the establishment keeps expressing as normal acceptance, I don’t think is acceptable. And something needs to be done … and said. I guess that’s part of the dying passion that the Lord has placed within me because their good old boys club just keeps things churning along like everything is great.

It’s all just one of those times I guess.

Please pray.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

About Andrew Marin

Andrew Marin is President and Founder of The Marin Foundation (www.themarinfoundation.org). He is author of the award winning book Love Is an Orientation (2009), its interactive DVD curriculum (2011), and recently an academic ebook titled Our Last Option: How a New Approach to Civility can Save the Public Square (2013). Andrew is a regular contributor to a variety of media outlets and frequently lectures at universities around the world. Since 2010 Andrew has been asked by the United Nations to advise their various agencies on issues of bridging opposing worldviews, civic engagement, and theological aspects of reconciliation. For twelve years he lived in the LGBT Boystown neighborhood of Chicago, and is currently based St. Andrews, Scotland, where he is teaching and researching at the University of St. Andrews earning his PhD in Constructive Theology with a focus on the Theology of Culture. Andrew's research centers on the cultural, political, and religious dynamics of reconciliation. Andrew is married to Brenda, and you can find him elsewhere on Twitter (@Andrew_Marin), Facebook (AndrewMarin01), and Instagram (@andrewmarin1).

  • http://www.taintedcanvas.com Jonathan Sigmon

    Prayers and encouragement to you, my brother. You’re doing BIG Kingdom work, and it does not go unnoticed to those of us in the ministry field.

    So, to you I say, thank you. Blessings and peace be with you and your wife as you continue on this rough faith journey.

  • c in cincinnati

    I’ve been following the blog on Google Reader and just wanted to say that I’m praying for you and Brenda and your incredibly important ministry. Your work is inspiring. Keep at it, bro…

  • Arlene

    Hi Andrew!

    Did you ever get a chance to read the book I sent you by RT Kendall? I was hoping it would bless you…

    Let me know if you read this….

    blessings

    Arlene

  • Christine

    You are called to obedience, not to success. Just because you are not seeing success as you would like, does not mean that you are not exactly where you’re supposed to be, it does not mean that God is far from you or that he is not still working great things through you. You are paving the way on something that has never been done before. You are ahead of your time, in a way that our children will not understand why people ever disagreed with you. What you’re doing today is shaping a future that will be so much better for so many, for all communities involved. The church has always had a long way to go.

    It’s hard out here for a prophet.

  • http://trinityandthetriangle.blogspot.com/ Katie

    You are in my prayers.
    Keep fighting and serving and Loving, Mr. Marin.

  • Wackywilliams

    I’m so sorry you & brenda are having such a ruff time of it!! my heart & prayers are with you, if you take off for a cross country treck TAKE ME WITH YOU!! :) I’m not likeing my cercemstances much at this time either! love ya bro! try to hang in there & rember what you said to me on the train platform, you would be missed

  • Sam

    Andrew, did you find somewhere to live? I know someone who owns apartments (and maybe a house?) 25 miles NW of your current location, but assume this is too much of a commute. If not, let me know and I will see if they have any available and the details.

    I think it very magnanimous of you to describe some of your detractors as “Christian giants”. The Jesus I know tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves and to love our enemies. People who make their living not doing that might be Christian in a sense, but the plain truth is that they are religious bigots. I understand that you are trying to build bridges and don’t want to call a spade a spade, but I have no problems doing it.

    Just think – their grandchildren won’t be bragging about what gramps had to say and won’t be trotting out his writing on these issues. Who do you know who proudly displays the books and pamphlets their ancestors wrote opposing abolition? But your grandchildren can proudly display “Love Is An Orientation”.

  • http://www.jennyrain.com jenny

    Praying for you both…

    Just the fact that your wife has a husband who is thinking about how she must be feeling right now (trust me from a wife’s perspective) is a HUGE blessing. Personally, I think it is really cool that you are thinking of her heart in the midst of all of this… blessings to you both

  • Hi Hopes

    We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor. 4:18)

    Love you my friend.

  • http://growingout.group.com Carl

    Dude: We may not be feeling very Christian but I’m feeling you. Continued prayers for yr ministry, marriage, and mayhem.

  • http://www.africanactivist.org Antony H

    Hang in there Andrew!

  • Cathy in San Diego

    Adding my prayers to the others expressed here. I saw you in Long Beach (came up from San Diego to here you). Your message is important for the Kingdom – so perhaps it is not so surprising things are tough right now as the impact of what you have to say becomes wider. Hang in there.

  • cap’t obvious

    I wonder if you’re burned out from being too diplomatic with the Romans 1 = Gospel crowd. I’m afraid they will never be ready to open their eyes, Andrew. When they’re ready to evolve we’ll be happy to welcome them to our side. Until then, it might be best for our sanity and theirs to just leave let them soak in their own bitterness.

  • Mrs T

    Walking may be just the ticket, but not across the country! How about on the Lakefront this summer? Maybe I can walk with you both one day. Seriously, exercise is very helpful with stress & depression.
    You know you will be under attack when serving the Lord. You also must remember that there are times of refreshing after the trials.
    Hope to see you on Saturday. Prayer is soooo important & the enemy will try to stop it. But God is stronger!!!!

  • Jesse

    Dear brother, I pray that you will find rest. Rediscover Sabbath. Our Father created it for all of us.

  • Paul Henry

    Andrew – Please know that you have inspired me to join you in the work you are doing, though we live in two different cities. Were it not for the Triune God’s call upon your life I would still be looking at the LGBT community with “askance” – I know am finding ways to be involved in this community of fellow human beings needing – and deserving! – the love of God given in Jesus. Thank you.

  • Sarah C

    The work you are doing is SOOO needed. Don’t give up. Running into your ministry gave me new hope for the body of Christ and its ability to reconcile with the GLBT community as a whole as well as the GLBT brothers and sisters in its midst.

    Keep following the Lord’s leading, and DO give yourselves a break from time to time. Your marriage, health, and your relationship with the God will need to be nurtured and protected so that you will have the strength to carry on in the work you have been given.

    Blessings to you both and thank you,
    -Sarah

  • Alli B

    Hey Andrew,

    I’m sorry life’s out of control right now, and I pray for you to continue in faith in God and seeking Him. Just remember that the storm didn’t stop until after Jesus and Peter got back in the boat.

    Blessings,
    Alli

  • Jason

    Andrew…my prayers are with you. People who dare to step out and lead are always targets for those who choose to stand still. You are a leader, you are an example, you are a friend and YOU ARE LOVED!!! Never forget that.

    Praying for you, your ministry and for both Brenda and you as you continue to pray for a child. As a word of encouragement on this front — two friends of mine just had beautiful twin boys….after 10 years of trying.

    God is still there, my friend and we’re there, too…standing in the gap!

    Jay

  • http://www.margotstarbuck.com Margot Starbuck

    Andrew,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. Blessings to you and Brenda.
    Margot

  • http://www.LifeWalk.info David Foreman

    No platitudes or trite “Christian” phrases. Just know I’m praying for you.

  • http://www.livingitout.com Rachel

    Oh Andrew I don’t think anything anyone can say can possibly dent the horrible hideous sadness and disappointment you must be feeling right now. What a gruelling journey you’re on and what a huge blow to you & Brenda. I am so, so sorry.

    Thank you so much for your honesty about not feeling very Christian right now – I read your story and think: of course you don’t. But not many people would be able to be honest about that, and your honesty makes you an even better witness to the rest of us.

    You’ve probably had it drilled into you not to leave God, and to always turn to God when times are tough. But maybe right now it’s just too tough, and you need to take a break. God’s not going to leave you, but is completely capable of holding you and your faith until you’re able to come back.

  • suem

    So sorry to hear this, Andrew. Thoughts and prayers with you and Brenda.

  • http://conversationsonthefringe.com Chris Schaffner

    If you’re looking to get away for a couple days the Peoria Chiefs will be back in town soon…they’re playing better than the Cubs are right now. ;)

    Praying for you and Brenda. Let us know if there’s anything I can do. Love ya!

  • Irene

    Just said a prayer for you Andy. Thank you always for your honesty and integrity in all things, including your tough days. You continue to be an inspirational light to us all. Hang in there – you’re not alone. You’ve got a lot of people lifting you up in thoughts, love and prayer.

  • anonymous girl living in the Bible Belt

    “You’ve probably had it drilled into you not to leave God, and to always turn to God when times are tough. But maybe right now it’s just too tough, and you need to take a break. God’s not going to leave you, but is completely capable of holding you and your faith until you’re able to come back.”

    Rachel’s words are balm, light and truth. She knows what she is talking about. Please give yourself any freedom you need to keep healing.

    We’re praying.


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