I am fighting back the strong, strong urge right now to write about an ongoing situation in my life that is a real big deal to me, my educational future and my work. When the time comes all of the details will be released. Or not. I don’t know. I want to, but I’m trying really darn hard to be “the bigger man” in this whole situation. But if the other entity keeps trying to play everyone stupid by retroactively continuing to label their actions in an unharmful, favorable way for them, I don’t know if I can keep my mouth shut any longer. For now, I will.
Your prayers for my heart are more than appreciated. I have so many very strong feelings of anger, betrayal, pain and an ever-growing hatred toward this entity that I need to catch myself now before I do something I will regret. As my wife is telling me, I need to move forward in a manner not based on revenge (which it would be if I wrote about all the details right now) but based on a level head focused on justice – with the appropriate steps, representation and documentation in place. So that is what I am going to try to do right now.
Below you will find some fitting lyrics that I listened to last night on my way to our Living in the Tension Gathering before these new developments dropped. Hope these lyrics impact you as much they did to me.
“I’m not afraid to take a stand. Everybody, come take my hand.
Yeah, it’s been a ride. But I guess we need to go to that place to get to this one.
We’ll walk this road together through the storm, whatever weather comes along. Let you know you’re not alone. Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road.
You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay them. But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say them.
Cause there’s no way I’m going to let you stop me from [standing up].
When I say I’m going to do something I do it. I don’t [care].
What do you think? I’m doing this for me? … I’m going to be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly …Ok. Quit playing with the scissors, and cut the crap.
You said you were King.
You lied through your teeth …
And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony.
No if ands or buts; don’t try to ask me why or how can I. ”
Eminem: Not Afraid
The other one is a song that touched me deeply when I was in middle/high school in the mid 90s and strangely enough speaks clearly to this current situation: Mr. Wendal by Arrested Development
“Here, have a dollar, in fact no brotherman here, have two. Two dollars means a snack for me, but it means a big deal to you.
Be strong, serve God only, know that if you do, beautiful Heaven awaits. That’s the poem I wrote for the first time when I saw a man with no clothes, no money, no plate.
Mr.Wendal, that’s his name, no one ever knew his name cause he’s a no-one. Never thought twice about spending on a ol’ bum, until I had the chance to really get to know one. Now that I know him, to give him money isn’t charity. He gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes.
And to think people spend all that money on big colleges, still most of y’all come out confused.
Mr.Wendal has freedom, a free that you and I think is dumb. Free to be without the worries of a quick to diss society for Mr.Wendal’s a bum. His only worries are sickness and an occasional harassment by the police and their chase. Uncivilized we call him, but I just saw him eat off the food we waste.
Civilization, are we really civilized, yes or no? Who are we to judge?
Mr.Wendal has tried to warn us about our ways but we don’t hear him talk.
Is it his fault when we’ve gone too far, and we got too far, cause on him we walk?
Mr.Wendal, a man, a human in flesh, but not by law. I feed you dignity to stand with pride, realize that all in all you stand tall.
Lord, Lord, Mr.Wendal”
Let all of those words speak for me right now.