Love, Joy, Feminism
Several years ago, in a Facebook conversation with a family friend, I argued that pro-life individuals should favor reducing the stigma on unwed mothers. I argued that when an unmarried woman decides whether to keep a pregnancy or have an abortion, the stigma unwed mothers face factors into her decision (whether consciously or not), and that reducing the stigma would make women in this position more likely to opt to keep their pregnancies. This family friend disagreed vehemently, arguing that premarital sex is sinful and that unwed motherhood should be more stigmatized.
It’s only natural that I thought of this conversation when I read these lines in an article by Chad Ashby titled Brothers and Sisters, Unwed Pregnancy Is Not a Sin:
There is a glaring hole in our fight against abortion. It is found in our churches among the quiet pre-service whispers as she walks by. It is heard at Sunday dinner as her name bounces back and forth across the table among interjections like, “But she comes from such a good family!” It is seen in the averted eyes and not-so-subtle head wags. “Wait you haven’t heard? She’s pregnant!”
Could it be that there are pro-lifers who agree that the stigma on unwed motherhood should be reduced? Intrigued, I read on.
If you’ve experienced an unwed pregnancy in your church, your family, or your circle of acquaintances—who hasn’t?—you know the typical reaction. It’s a mixture of disappointment, condemnation, and pity. But there are places across the country where this is not the response to the girl who shamefully mumbles, “I think I’m pregnant.” They are called pregnancy resource centers (PRCs). The women and men who serve in these safe-havens have comprehended something our churches haven’t yet: unwed pregnancy is not a sin.
When a young woman walks into a local PRC, and she makes the painful admission that she’s pregnant by her boyfriend, and she’s afraid what her family will say, and she’s pretty sure her dad is going to kick her out of the house, and she’s worried her college dreams are shot, the response she finds from her counselor is surprising. It’s Christian love, understanding, and joy. Perhaps for the first time since she missed her period, she’s found someone who actually celebrates her pregnancy as a gift from God and does not judge her for carrying a tiny baby inside.
Wait. Wait wait wait. That certainly was not the response my fellow blogger Samantha Field received when she called her local crisis pregnancy center (what Ashby calls a “pregnancy resource center”). Instead, she writes that the woman she spoke with implied she was a slut and said she deserved what she got. Now I’m sure this varies from center to center, but Ashby has an overly positive (and overly omniscient) view of how these centers operate.
Besides, staff at crisis pregnancy centers tend to be drawn from local churches—just the sorts of congregations Ashby is here critiquing. They’re not a special breed of people.
And then there’s this:
It seems so obvious once it’s stated this way, but the Bible never condemns unwed pregnancies. In fact, the lineage of our Savior has several. Some of his ancestors were conceived through prostitution, incest, and adultery (cf. Gen. 38, Gen. 19:30-38, 2 Sam. 11:1-12:25). It is telling that Jesus himself was an unwed pregnancy. By the power of the Holy Spirit, Mary became the most vulnerable of women—an unmarried pregnant teen. She was deeply loved by God and in need of care and support. When she traveled to see family, she was not ostracized but welcomed with a beaming smile and these words from her cousin Elizabeth: “Blessed is the fruit of your womb!” (Luke 1:42).
PRC counselors seek to be like Elizabeth welcoming these expectant mothers with warm, receptive, and loving arms. They treasure the fruit of the womb as the wondrous gifts from God that they are—no matter how they were conceived. Many of our congregations couldn’t dream of responding this way—even when we are technically pro-life. How do we follow the example of the PRCs across the country? How can we create this kind of celebratory, supportive, and loving culture in our churches?
Again with the overly positive omniscience vis a vis crisis pregnancy centers, but I have to say, the use of Mary as an example is a good one. If pointing to Mary’s unwed pregnancy will help some evangelicals be more supportive of women with unwed pregnancies in their midst, that’s a good thing! But I do feel like it’s worth noting that most evangelicals will see a very very big difference between the two scenarios. Mary, after all, became pregnant through divine intervention.
First, we need to cultivate confession. Christians need to regularly confess sin to one another in concrete ways. In the typical church, the larger the sin, the quieter we whisper about it. However, there is freedom in the light of the Gospel—a light that shines on our sins and provides cleansing blood to wash them away (1 John 1:7-9). When an unwed expectant mother stumbles into this kind of fellowship, she will realize her problems are common to man. Her sexual past will not be gossiped about in the halls of the Sunday School wing or be the subject of dinner conversation. As she and others watch brothers and sisters confess their sins publicly before the church, they will see a church that joyfully celebrates the forgiveness—not condemnation—we share at the cross.
Confess . . . their . . . sins?
I wonder if Ashby is familiar with the story of Tina Anderson, a young Christian girl who was raped by a church leader when she was 15 and then forced to confess her sin of sexual immorality before the whole congregation when she became pregnant. Ashby claims unwed mothers in congregations that practice public confession will see others confess and realize that her problems are common, but she will still be required to confess her sins publicly. And given that evangelicals tend to see sexual sin as worse than other sins (like lying or coveting), that’s not going to be pretty. But maybe Ashby’s going to argue that evangelicals shouldn’t se sexual sin as any worse than or different from other forms of sin?
Second, we need to have a Biblical view of sexual immorality. Christians—parents especially—are often willfully blind to the sins of teens in their churches. We are able to keep up the charade until a swelling tummy appears in the youth group. The common reaction is to judge the pregnant high schooler, when it’s possible the only difference between her and the rest of her Christian friends is that her parents didn’t put her on the pill. When we overlook sexual immorality but condemn unwed pregnancy we spread Satan’s lie: “Fornication is fine, but babies are bad.” Churches and parents must be having honest conversations with their growing children about the temptations of sexual immorality. We must help them understand that it is both wrong and forgivable, and we must not allow our rightful stance against sexual immorality to taint our view of pregnancy.
First the obvious: Ashby may speak in the end of this paragraph of sexual sins being forgivable, but he also argues that evangelicals need to be quicker to condemn sexual immorality among teenagers. He simply wants all teenage fornicators condemned for their immorality, and not just those who get pregnant. Ashby is also creating a strawman. I am not aware of any evangelicals who believe that fornication is fine or should be overlooked unless it results in pregnancy. He’s right that pregnancy makes the fornication openly visible, of course, but his solution is that fornication that doesn’t result in pregnancy should be rooted out and condemned more strongly itself.
Finally, we must cultivate an atmosphere where all pregnancy is celebrated. Our churches should have the warmth of Elizabeth on that sunny afternoon as she welcomed Mary and her newly forming baby bump with open arms. Rally to support and encourage these expectant mothers by giving of your time and resources to help them prepare. Throw them extravagant baby showers. Pray for them. Send them letters, emails, and messages of Scriptural encouragement. Fold them into your congregation. Disciple their young children. Live what it means to believe Psalm 127:3—“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.”
Ashby says that Christians must take a strong stance against sexual immorality but also celebrate all pregnancies, including those which are unwed. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to see girls like Tina Anderson have their pregnancies celebrated rather than, in her case, being sent away for the duration of the pregnancy and then forced to give the baby up for adoption. But I am wondering if it is actually possible for these things to go hand in hand. Could Tina’s church have both forced her to stand before the congregation and confess her sexual sin (as Ashby recommends) and celebrated her pregnancy as a joyous thing?
In other words, is it possible to both condemn premarital sex as a serious serious sin and celebrate unwed pregnancies? Is it possible to remove the stigma from unwed pregnancy while maintaining or even deepening the stigma against unwed sex? Look, I’m grateful that Ashby is trying to remove some of the stigma from unwed pregnancy, but I don’t think he realizes that unless he removes some of the stigma premarital sex, teenagers who have unwed pregnancies will be shamed for their sexual sin.
Ashby claims that a pregnant teenager’s past sexual sins will not be gossiped about, but he also calls Christians to take teenagers’ sexual immorality more seriously and condemn it more universally. Now Ashby’s absolutely right that all an unwed pregnancy does is make preexisting sexual sin visible, but in doing so it puts the teenager in line for condemnation—including condemnation from people like Ashby. Ashby may think he can separate the sexual sin from the resulting pregnancy, and condemn the one while celebrating the other, but does he really think the pregnant teenager will always be able to make that distinction, especially when she is expected to publicly confess her sexual sins?
We’re all familiar with the scarlet letter, right? Well, for evangelical teens, an unwed pregnancy is that scarlet letter. “Fornicator,” it says. “Fornicator.” I appreciate that Ashby is encouraging churches to support pregnant teens and celebrate their pregnancies, but as long as he urges these churches to also condemn fornication only more strongly, he is sabotaging his efforts. Unwed pregnancies will still be a scarlet letter. And really, that is why unwed pregnancy is so heavily stigmatized—not because evangelicals buy into Satan’s lie that babies are bad (really?!) but rather because for evangelicals, unwed pregnancies reveal sexual sin.
There may be some pregnant evangelical teenagers who receive added support from their families and church communities as a result of Ashby’s words. That’s a good thing! But what Ashby is missing is that unless he reevaluates his strong condemnation of premarital sex, he cannot entirely remove the condemnation that comes along with unwed pregnancy, and unwed pregnancy will continue to be a source of shame for evangelical teens.
Note: I just realized that I have not even addressed the reality that many unwed pregnant women will be pressured to marry the man involved. I also have not addressed the fact that many (I think most, in fact) unwed mothers are not teenagers. Unwed mothers in their 20s and 30s will likely face only more pressure to marry the man involved, whether or not they want to. Ashby does not address this at all. Can an evangelical celebrate an unwed pregnancy while pressuring the pregnant woman to marry the guy who go her pregnant without that pressure in some way tainting the celebration?
In addition, Ashby does not consider the number of teenage girls who become pregnant through rape. Instead, he assumes without reservation that a “swelling tummy” in the youth group is evidence of sexual immorality. This in and of itself is a problem.
One final note. Ashby probably assumes that Planned Parenthood is all about pressuring women into having an abortion or grieving pregnancy (as opposed to celebrating it). Not so. When a woman comes to Planned Parenthood for an abortion, she sees a counselor first. While I am sure the quality of these counselors varies, they are trained to present a woman with all of her options and encourage her to make her own decision. If a woman comes in with a pregnancy she wants but feels like she can’t keep, they are trained to point her toward resources that may enable her to keep it without compromising their housing, income, schooling, etc. This seems relevant given Ashby’s reference to Satan’s lie that babies are bad.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In