As I face 2012

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2011 feels like a long year that went by really fast.

So much happened last year, and some of it was scary. I spent several months feeling my faith slip through my fingers even as I tried to hang on by my fingernails, and I finally stopped struggling and allowed myself to think about life without all the answers. This was a anonymous blog where I felt safe to ask scary questions and process thoughts, and this year my blog was discovered and now I am no longer completely anonymous, this meant that my faith struggle and questions were exposed to people I had not previously felt safe to share fully with, and that has had mixed results. Some people accepting me regardless, and some becoming very angry and feeling betrayed.

Many good things happened too. My depression faded into the background, I found myself for the first time in a long time having more good days than bad days. I had my precious Baby Boy in May, and I can hardly believe he is already 8 months old and crawling at light speed. His birth was so peaceful, and in the months following I had mild ups and downs instead of the crippling Post Partum depression I had experienced with previous births. I started to feel confident for the first time in our choice to not spank our children, and I found new books and ideas on gentle discipline. I finally began counselling, and started un-wrapping the onion of my dormant soul.

In my end of the year post last year, I said that if I was to describe 2010 in one word, it would have to be “change”.
For 2011, the word that feels most fitting is “discovery”.

Several blogs I follow have talked in this last week about having a word to inspire them for this year. I’ve seen this idea before, and have never been able to pick just one word, but the choices of others always get me thinking. The beautiful ladies at Emerging Mummy and The Sacred Life have named their year “Fearless” and “Unafraid”.

Looking into the year of 2012, I do not feel courageous. I do not feel brave. I most definitely feel afraid. Afraid of what? Sometimes I hardly know. Perhaps it’s the unknown, or the changes that could happen during this year. I like security, I like feeling like I know what will happen today, tomorrow and the next day. So having a whole year worth of days yet to be lived stretching out in front of me is daunting. And again, I have to face the fact that I do not know what each day brings, and again come to the realization that I cannot control anyone but myself.

And instead of being anxious, or frustrated, because of the unknown of this year, I find myself wanting to let go. To let go and embrace life with open arms as it comes my way. Accept myself and my circumstances, whatever they may be. Embrace my children fully for exactly who they are. Accept the known and the unknown. To live life as who I am and let go of the things I cannot change. Accept others where they are at, whether they can offer me acceptance or not.

In accepting, I can respect. In respecting, I can love.
So my word for 2012?

  • Michael Mock

    I don't really have anything insightful to add, but I caught myself looking for the "like" button!

  • Incongruous Circumspection

    Puke! Can't you do a word that is less warm and fuzzy and doesn't give me the willies?

    Something like 'Revvin Up!' or 'Egalitarian Primate' or even 'De-anonymousize'.

    Oh well. I'll go with Acceptance. I Accept(ance) the fact that you are different from me and I am happy about that. I wouldn't want to be you and you would explode if you were me. So, here we are, both us and we, never you me and me you but you you and me me and just fine with it.

    Really good to see the words above. Keep plugging forward.

  • Sarah@EmergingMummy

    I totally love it. My word last year was "enough" and it meant something very similar to me. That God is enough, I am enough, my tinies are enough, it is all enough and I can simply rest in that. I pray your year is full of acceptance of the best sort. Look forward to seeing how it unfolds for you!


  • Nancy

    Good word! I have known the saying, "God grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot chage, etc., etc." for what seems all my life. It became real to me a few years ago. I can't remember a specific event that made it real. It just dawned on me that I can save myself a LOT of frustration, guilt and anguish if I truly live that way.

  • Emily

    I'm so excited for you Melissa! I love having a word for the year, keeps me from throwing up my hands in frustration every time I fall on my face (which is pretty often!).

  • Irendi

    I'm a newbie to your blog, but I look forward to reading more. That being said, I really like our outlook for 2012. I think 2011 ended on that note for me—-acceptance.

    2012 has a lot in store for sure!

  • Rebecca

    I agree with Michael, nothing to add but much like for these words.

    Keep doing what you are doing and loving those children gently – the gifts you are giving them (and yourself) are infinite!

  • Melissa

    Michael- Thank you! And yeah, a like button would come in handy on blogger.

    IC- Bahahaha! You totally crack me up. :) I love the Egalitarian Primate option.

    Sarah- Enough, that is a great one too. Thanks for being an inspiration.

    Nancy- Thanks for sharing that, I feel like I'm on the verge of something great. :)

    Emily- This is the first time I've picked a word, I'm looking forward to seeing how it effects my year.

    Irendi- Nice to "meet" you! And yes, 2012, a whole year unlived. That is a lot in store!

    Rebecca- Thank you for your encouragement!

  • rain ::

    ironically, one thing i want to face with my word is "unafraid of being afraid". of facing fear. it's quite paradoxical, but it feels important.

    yours is such a great word. it breathes quiet resolve. i love that it reaches inward as well as projects outward…acceptance for ourselves and from ourselves, as well as to ourselves from others.

    happy new year, friend.

    rain ::

  • CM

    Love it! Have a wonderful 2012!!

  • Melissa

    Rain- So important! I love the thought of being unafraid to be afraid.

    CM- Thanks! I hope you have an amazing year as well.

  • Skye X

    by your writing I can tell you have such a pure soul. I'm inspired by your words.

  • Jessena

    Beautifully written

  • Anonymous

    Its never ez forgiving. Forgeting is the true hard part….jared