Happy Mother’s Day, Emily Letts…

… That’s it. Just Happy’s Mother’s Day.

I know many people have lots of things to say about that video you made, the one where you filmed your abortion, but I’m not sure any of them thought to wish you a good Mother’s Day. Maybe they don’t think you deserve it or that you aren’t a mother, but technically speaking you are.

“Mother” as a verb means to nurture, care for and protect. “Mother” as a noun means a female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child; or a female person whose egg unites with sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.

By this definition if you’ve ever been pregnant you are a Mother. Even if you’ve had an abortion you are still a Mother.

So Happy Mother’s Day, Emily.

That’s it. Nothing else. You’re gonna have a hard enough time with this day as it is.

Maybe not today or tomorrow but eventually it will catch up with you. It always does. Like when you decide to have more children later on and you look at them and realize what unique, one of a kind little creatures they are and that the one you aborted was just as equally unique and there will never be another one like him/her ever again. No, that child is gone forever and from here on out your Mother’s Days will be bitter sweet.

So Happy Mother’s Day, Emily.

And happy Mother’s Day to your aborted child’s grandmothers — your mother and the mother of your child’s father.

All of you are in for a very long, emotionally arduous road. You have my prayers, my sympathies, and my wishes that Mother’s Day won’t be too devastatingly hard on you. I speak from experience when I earnestly say that I would not wish the pain of Mother’s Day after abortion on anyone.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • AnnF

    God bless you, Kat. Happy Mothers Day.

  • defiant12314

    Happy Mothers day Kat,

  • Gothguy

    Bless you, Katrina, for speaking the truth in such a succinct way.

  • Quittin’ time at Tara!

    “Well, you may throw your rock and hide your hand
    Workin’ in the dark against your fellow man
    But as sure as God made black and white
    What’s down in the dark will be brought to the light

    You can run on for a long time
    Run on for a long time, run on for a long time
    Sooner or later God’ll cut you down
    Sooner or later God’ll cut you down”

    ~ Johnny Cash

  • $1028912

    I can’t speak for Emily Letts.

    I certainly can’t speak for women who regret their abortions.

    I can only speak for myself.

    And I can still remember wanting to growl and spit in the face of the doctor who insisted I was the “mother” of a dead child.

    I know you disagree — but some of us believe that being a few weeks pregnant with an unwanted baby does NOT necessarily make someone a “mother.” Motherhood doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with biology.

    Women who are never pregnant and then adopt babies are truly mothers. Women who abort/miscarry their unwanted babies are truly not.

    • James H, London

      “Motherhood doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with biology.”

      Sorry, that’s just insane. Ask anyone who’s actually miscarried.

      • $1028912

        I miscarried an unwanted baby, and I was not a mother.

        • defiant12314

          An Honest question Lisa

          Why do you come onto what is an out and out Catholic Blog and pick fights with Catholics concerning our beliefs on the nature of the family and human life?

          • Julie

            What’s the problem with respectful dialogue? And please stop assuming that just because one is Catholic, there aren’t differences of opinion on this. No wonder so many are afraid to speak up!

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            I don’t think Lisa’s ever had a problem speaking up for herself. Ammirite?

          • $1028912

            I almost didn’t speak up on this post, because I know your painful personal history with abortion, and I didn’t want to cause you any pain. I tried to make it clear that my opinions on the subject are rooted in my own experience, which was very different from yours.

          • Barbara Fryman

            I love that you are honest about your views. I get that relief could come at a miscarriage. But feelings don’t always reflect objective truth. I’m sure your little one is praying for you always. I’m also certain you did mother that child, though you didn’t choose to, when your body nurtured him/her. And it’s ok that didn’t impact you the way it can impact others. However, choosing to harm a little one who is utterly innocent and dependent, carries with it damage to one’s self.
            I know lots of women claim they are fine with their abortion, but lots of soldiers claim taking lives didn’t affect them either. Both are lies and both deserve to be treated with love and care.

          • $1028912

            I tend to believe the women who don’t regret abortions because of the way I felt after my own miscarriage. So I don’t think they’re lying –I just think they feel as I do. I know it’s not exactly the same situation, but it is very similar.

          • Barbara Fryman

            An act of will is a far cry from an act of nature.

          • $1028912

            I wasn’t aware that to disagree was to “pick fights.”

            I’m a Catholic of sorts myself — though obviously not devout (and I don’t claim that my views are in line with the Church’s teachings).

          • defiant12314

            “I’m a Catholic of sorts myself ”

            Well my dear, if you don’t want to send yourself to hell for all eternity then I suggest that you arrange an appointment for confession with the nearest Priest pronto and get your views in line with the Church’s teachings.

          • $1028912

            Ah, perhaps I need to spend eternity with those who honestly believe what I do, instead of falsely confessing what I can never be sorry for, in my deepest heart of hearts.

          • defiant12314

            I’m Sorry but never is a word that doesn’t exist in God’s vocab :)

            Seriously are you telling me that you would rather spend all eternity in hell, being tormented by the lack of the beatific vision (by the way in hell there is no solidarity, they hate one another just as much as they hate God) than confess your sins to God through his Priest and spending eternity in the bliss of his presence?

            If you find that you can’t be sorry for what you did, then ask him to grant you the grace of conversion, sure you have to amend your life (with his grace) but I would have thought that even naked self interest be motivation enough to do so.

          • $1028912

            I have no plans to “amend” my life. When I married my non-Christian partner, someone put it to me this way: Would you rather have eternal life with Christ, or one mortal lifetime with a man?

            I picked the guy.

            And I have no regrets, for the life I’ve lived so far, because I’d rather be in hell with the rest of my family & friends than in any kind of heaven that doesn’t include all of my loved ones.

            Seriously, your threats of damnation are rolling off me like water off a duck.

          • defiant12314

            I’m not threatening you with damnation, I’m simply stating the consequences of your actions; in this thread as in others you have made it quite clear that you worship created goods over the Creator. There is a word for that, Idolatry, God both created you and died for your sins and you have repaid him by giving him the two fingers and saying, not thy will but mine be done.

            Now maybe as a convert to the Catholic Faith I have a different perspective, as grating as their intransigence is I pray for the conversion of my family, friends etc etc, that way we can all be in Heaven together. Also I am aware of how precious a gift it is .

            As you seem to be stating that you are a cradle Catholic I can say without doubt that you are worse than Esau who sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, you have sold life everlasting for worldly goods that will crumble into dust.

            Your post also betrays a naive understanding of hell, as I said before there is no solidarity in hell, you will hate your husband and your children and they will hate you for not sharing the Truth of the Faith with them and neglecting your duty to bring them up as Catholics. Hell is the absence of Supernatural Charity, and from your posts both on this thread and previous ones, you have LONG since driven Supernatural Charity from your soul.

            I can only say that I will pray that God makes the condition of your soul known to you, for even over the internet one can tell that it is an ugly, sick and diseased thing that is in desperate need of the Divine Physician

          • $1028912

            Gosh, you seem to know a lot about me!
            I “worship created goods?” Huh?

            Sorry, as I said before, several decades ago, I chose eternal damnation to marry my heathen husband. But the Church lost me even before that, when I realized that I can’t call myself pro-life, and that I also fully support gay rights. So I am working hard on earth to forward causes that the Church opposes, in the confidence that I will spend eternity with people who share my deeply held beliefs.

          • defiant12314

            You worship created goods because you put the things of earth above those of heaven, you refuse to submit your will and intellect to God and brazenly violate the precepts and teachings of the Church.

            As for knowing allot about you, I only know what you have shared on Kat’s blog, however it is enough to inform me that you are someone who values your own temporal happiness above the Good of Heaven, that you prefer your own will to that of almighty God and that you want nothing to do with his commandments.

            You do not sin out of weakness but malice, you are not even trying to make a stab at perfection and even if you do repent, you will no doubt spend a long time in purgatory weeping over your sins. Seeing as I doubt your children will be praying for you, you will have no one to succour your soul, have Masses said for your soul and you will be dependent on the charity of others to speed your soul to heaven.

            I do not hate you, rather I pity you, you were given that which I was not and you threw it away for a few decades (if that) of lust which ended when you were too selfish to move with your civil husband. Furthermore you do not even have the wit to realise the condition of your soul and throw yourself at the foot of God begging his mercy.

          • $1028912

            Man…..I wish I had a dollar for every time a total stranger has damned me to hell in a blog comment. It would probably add up to enough to solve world hunger, with enough left over to spend the rest of my life lying on a beach.

            I don’t know who you are, “defiant12314,” but your conversion has certainly brought out your vengeful side! Why don’t you turn those prayers inward, and work on healing yourself? I’ll do the same over here, in my own way.

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            I like her company. I’m hoping it’ll rub off.

            I try not to assume too much about people because we all have potential to be saints in the making… or as I like to say, one moment of grace away from being blind sided by God on our journey to Damascus.

          • Awkpearl

            I’m sorry for not understanding. You are hoping that what will rub off onto whom? Thanks!

          • $1028912

            I think she hopes Catholic beliefs will rub off onto me.

          • Awkpearl

            :-)

            I’m glad she thinks we are all saints in the making! Maybe there is hope for me!!

          • $1028912

            Yes! Hope for us all! :)

          • $1028912

            Thank you. I like your blog — it’s one of 4 Catholic sites I read regularly now. I’m usually a lurker, but when I comment, I tend to get into it!

    • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

      That attitude explains a lot of our past interaction.

      I pray you one day find healing for your hatred.

      • $1028912

        No hatred here.

        • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

          [sarcasm on]Except of the “unwanted”, of course, who should never be suffered to live. All the “unwanted” are not worthy of the name human being.[/sarcasm off]

          Just replace unwanted with Jew, and we’ve heard that story before.

          • $1028912

            I didn’t hate my baby. I didn’t say it was “not worth of the name human being” — it was surely a human being. I know you have a hard time believing this, but not every pregnancy is wanted by every woman, and some feel only relief at the end of an unwanted one.

            I repeat, no hatred here. I’ve even gotten over my anger at the pro-life doctor who insisted I was suffering from post-partum depression and would never heal unless I faced my “denial” of being a mother in mourning. (I was not, in fact depressed, and had sought counseling nearly a year after the miscarriage to talk about my mixed feelings about quitting my job and following my husband on a pending overseas transfer. I henceforth warned friends away from this particular counseling center unless they were religious!)

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            “I didn’t hate my baby. I didn’t say it was “not worth of the name human being” — it was surely a human being. I know you have a hard time believing this, but not every pregnancy is wanted by every woman, and some feel only relief at the end of an unwanted one.”

            Why would somebody feel relief at the DEATH of a child? Any child? No matter in what stage of development?

            That feeling of relief is in and of itself quite horrific and slightly sociopathic. The idea that the baby was a child and a human being, means you were its mother, and you were RELIEVED when it was dead instead of mourning?

            I find that attitude to be inhuman and monstrous. Any man acting that way would be locked up for child abuse, likely for life.

          • $1028912

            So basically, what you’re saying is that all women who abort with no regrets, or who admit to feeling only relief at miscarrying when they didn’t want to be pregnant, should be locked up for life?
            I see that the prisons would be quite full, in your ideal world.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            Yes, they would, they’d also be actual penitentiaries, places for PENANCE and HEALING. Such a woman is sick- mentally ill- and needs help to learn compassion.

          • $1028912

            Again, I can only speak for myself, but not every woman who feels this way is mentally ill, or in need of healing. And I certainly feel no need for penance, since I did nothing wrong.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            That’s just the mental illness talking. The very nature of NOT feeling what one would correctly feel in this situation is the mental illness.

            The insane always think they are sane, and the rest of the world is insane. It’s the Addams Family Syndrome.

          • $1028912

            Relief at the end of an undesirable situation is actual quite normal and healthy.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            Considering a child to be an “undesirable” or “unwanted” is in and of itself quite sick and twisted, and no different than any other bigotry or hatred.

          • $1028912

            There’s no hatred involved in not wanting to be in a particular situation. And I suggest you look up “bigotry,” because it doesn’t really apply here.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            “There’s no hatred involved in not wanting to be in a particular situation.”

            That statement is self-contradictory. Of course there is hatred in not wanting to be in a particular situation. That’s what HATRED is- not wanting to be in a particular situation.

            ” And I suggest you look up “bigotry,” because it doesn’t really apply here.”

            And yet children have lost their lives and dignity as human beings over it, repeatedly, in a barbaric process as ugly as a lynching. Uglier in many ways. Not to feel any guilt or regret over that, is completely unnatural but also completely in keeping with American culture, which has lost all sense of right and wrong.

          • $1028912

            That is not what “hatred” is — not at all.

            And again, “bigotry” does not apply here:

            (“big·ot·ry [big-uh-tree] noun
            1.stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one’s own. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bigotry)

            Also, again, my particular case didn’t include “a barbaric process as ugly as a lynching.” No harm was intended, none was caused. An undesirable situation resolved all by itself, for which I was most grateful.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            “That is not what “hatred” is — not at all.”

            Says the person who is trying to deny hatred of the unwanted, while killing them.

            “1.stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one’s own.”

            Yep. You’re highly intolerant of the unwanted’s belief that they should be born.

            “Also, again, my particular case didn’t include “a barbaric process as ugly as a lynching.” No harm was intended, none was caused. An undesirable situation resolved all by itself, for which I was most grateful.”

            Then it wasn’t an abortion. But I even find a mother who won’t mourn a miscarriage to be slightly odd, or at least, deficient in valuing human life.

          • $1028912

            My unwanted baby didn’t develop to the point where it had “belief that they should be born.” And you’re really hung up on on insisting that I had “hatred ” for it, and “killed” it — what’s up with that? Talk about projecting!

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            “My unwanted baby didn’t develop to the point where it had “belief that they should be born.” ”

            And what point is that? If the child is growing, then yes, it’s working towards being born.

            “And you’re really hung up on on insisting that I had “hatred ” for it, and “killed” it — what’s up with that?”

            You are the one who used the event as an example of how women “feel about abortion”.

          • $1028912

            No, those are entirely your words, not mine. I felt no hatred.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            And yet you were relieved, instead of mourning, at a death- AND used that to promote genocide.

          • HitlerFakedHisDeath&Caused9/11

            Sweet Jesus Theo, I hope you’re wearing your double-layer tin foil hat. In fact, what are you doing on the internet, don’t you know they’re watching you through your computer, tracking you, stealing your thoughts, it’s all a plot to use blacks as muscle to rebuild Zion??!?

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            Welcome to my blog. I appreciate you taking the time to leave feedback. To make your stay as pleasant as possible I must ask you to please comment better. Thank you – Admin

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            Thanks Kat, though I’m a long term veteran of the Usenet flame wars; little people like this can say will bother me.

            Especially since I’ve already invoked Godwin on this subject- pro-choicers to me are genocidal maniacs who have killed 56 million people.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            I consider the internet to be a public space, and therefore, subject to the rules of free expression. Oh, and if they were going to use blacks as muscle to rebuild Zion, why are they killing 60% of them in the womb?

    • Romulus

      Lisa, what you seem to be saying is that motherhood is a matter not of objective fact, but of sentiment: one becomes a mother according to feeling, preference, or general disposition. Of course in the present culture, it’s these same sentiments that are supposed to govern whether human life is present or not. Is it not laughable that believers are said to be the ones inventing myths as a means of coping with reality?

      • $1028912

        So you believe adoptive mothers “invent myths” to cope with reality, because only biology is what makes women real mothers?

        I’m saying motherhood is about MOTHERING. I know women who were mothers to their unborn children. I also know of women who carried to term, put babies up for adoption and wanted absolutely nothing to do with them — not even birth made them mothers.

        I would never argue with a woman who considered herself a mother after a spontaneous or induced abortion. I only argue that I myself was not one.

        • GetYourFactsRight

          You’re right Lisa, ‘mother’ is not just a noun, it’s a verb.

          • $1028912

            No argument there.

  • ThatGuy

    ZzzZzZZZzzzZz. Happy Mother’s Day as well to all of the mothers who died during childbirth because they were denied access or shamed out of getting an abortion.

    • Romulus

      Would those be all the thousands of women joining support groups from the resulting trauma, and marching in rallies with signs saying “I regret my child’s birth”?

      • Julie

        And what about the women who do not have regret? Their voices don’t count, I guess, if they don’t agree with you?

        • Romulus

          Agreement with “me” isn’t the point, Julie. This isn’t matter for subjectivism or sentiment. Reality isn’t constructed according to our convenience and willingness to deal with it. What matters is whether women and men agree with objective facts of biology.

          • $1028912

            “Mother” is not a scientific term. It’s a subjective, sentimental concept.
            You want straight “objective facts of biology?” Then start referring to “biological parent” instead of mother/father.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            Mother is an objective, scientific term to those of us who live in an objective, scientific world, instead of a morality of our own invention.

          • $1028912

            “Mother” is an “objective, scientific term?” I’m glad you don’t write my kids’ science books!
            So therefore, if this is true, then adoptive parents aren’t REAL parents, because they don’t fit the “objective, scientific” definition?

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            Yes, as every adopted child who has ever conducted a search for a birth mother actually knows.

            The fantasy world you have constructed in an effort to avoid sin is quite amazing.

          • $1028912

            I live in the real world, and I like it here.
            And wait, really? An adoptive mother is not a mother, in your world? A woman who adopts a baby and calls herself a mother is living in a “fantasy world?”

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            To some extent, yes.

            There is a reason why adoptive kids go in search of their birth parents later in life. Heroic as it is, adoption IS a relationship of emergency resort; the normative behavior is for birth parents to care about their children and sacrifice anything for them.

            You’ve constructed a rich fantasy life to avoid guilt and sin, and in that you are by no means alone. It is the standard behavior of the American culture to ignore objective reality and create a subjective worldview story.

          • $1028912

            No, actually, I’m living the objective reality — I call it as I see it. No “subjective worldview story” here, just lots of honesty.

            And I think adoptive mothers are mothers, with no “fantasy” involved. I’m amazed you think differently, but you’re free to think as you like, of course.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            Except of course:

            “”Mother” is not a scientific term. It’s a subjective, sentimental concept.”

            So when it suits you, the world becomes sentimental and subjective.

            Once again, I’ve given evidence for my point of view on adoptive parents- the *repeated* standard part of growing up as an adopted child, the need to search for and find the story of birth parents.

            Where’s YOUR evidence for your subjective “And I think adoptive mothers are mothers, with no “fantasy” involved.” fantasy?

          • $1028912

            My “evidence” is the many fine adoptive mothers I am privileged to know. They are indeed real mothers. Some of their children do also seek answers about their biological parents, but this doesn’t negate the maternal/child bond they have with the women who raised them.

            And actually, my world is rarely sentimental. I usually lean toward pragmatic & practical.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            I have no doubt that they are fine in acting the role as mother.

            I have no doubt they’re doing a fine job raising the children.

            But to deny the birth mother the title of mother, to deny that title to yourself for a child that died before birth- seems insane on its face. The fact is, the birth mother is objectively a mother. And the adoptive parent, no matter how fine or heroic of a job they are doing, contributed no DNA to the child.

          • $1028912

            I think we have to agree to disagree on what “seems insane on its face.” I think those words describe your insisting that adoptive mothers who raise kids are just role-playing.

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            The reality is that they ARE just role playing. They are playing the role of mother.

            You just want to invent a new language to go along with your novel and strange notions.

          • $1028912

            So to call an adoptive mother “mother” is to “invent a new language?”

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            When you use it to deny the motherhood of the birth mother, it most certainly is.

            When you use it to utterly destroy the mystery of parenthood, it is.

          • $1028912

            Do you know any adoptive mothers in real life?

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            Yes. Many. Especially I think of my aunt, who gave everything she had to her adopted children, only to see one move across the continent to get away from her, and another slowly self-destruct through several marriages, children by different fathers, and the suicide of a teenager she considered no less a grandchild even with the adoption.

            Sometimes, the sins of birth parents are NOT erased by adoption- and still follow through to the seventh generation.

            Adoption isn’t magical. It is second best in a situation so bad that the first becomes impossible.

          • Julie

            You still didn’t answer my question. Are all women who have abortions without regret sociopaths? Does it not matter to you at all that the reality is that there are many women who do not regret their abortion? The only reality you seem interested in a reality where everyone agrees with you and what you are saying directly contradicts my own experiences and the experiences of many women I know. So, how do you explain it? What’s wrong with all those relieved women?

          • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

            YES. But that doesn’t make them very strange. Most Americans are sociopaths, unconcerned with the pain of others. Our materialistic culture teaches them to put things ahead of people and treat people as if they were merely things.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      And happy Mother’s Day to the 400+ women who have died during botched abortions.

      http://www.lifenews.com/2012/11/27/more-than-400-women-have-died-from-legal-abortions-since-1973/

  • Julie

    Kat, I’m sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine the pain you feel. I hope you were able to have a lovely day with your son. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Your posts always give me so much to think about.

  • GetYourFactsRight

    Emily needed to terminate her pregnancy after a life-threatening first pregnancy. She has a 3 year old and I’m sure she had a lovely Mother’s Day.
    Your vitriol thinly and unconvincingly dressed up as Christian sympathy makes me sad for you.


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