It is really hard to love people. Sometimes they just need an ear and sometimes they need advice. Sometimes we ought to press in and sometimes we ought to back away. There is a particular kind of person who is hard to help. The Co-dependent Tarzan. This person swings from one relationship to another, searching for validation, his only salvation against gravity is the weight he pulls from those around him. Confused and desperate and stuck in the tornado of… Read more

I’m wrestling with the annoyingly constant fact that if I do not feel ok, I am not okay. I make a god of my emotions. My whole trust is put in them. They are my value, my perspective, and my guide. If I feel good today, it was a good day. If I feel lousy, it was an awful day. Emotion is the barometer I use to measure meaning, success, and validation. Is it possible I have vaulted emotions to… Read more

We work with an organization that sends teams out into the world. These teams usually consist of seven people who are assigned to be together. They live with one another, work, play, and travel – all together. Part of our coaching is helping them work through the inevitable issues of living in community. And there is one refrain we hear way too often. It goes something like this: ‘These just aren’t my kind of people. I’d never be friends with… Read more

We live in a constantly changing world. In a rapidly progressing culture, we find ourselves spurred on by newness. Some of the newness is helpful, but most of it is not. It doesn’t really matter. Almost immediately after receiving the new thing, we are waiting in expectation for the next new thing. Why? What is our culture’s fascination with newness? An obvious observation is that we are a dissatisfied people, unable to appreciate what we have and be thankful for… Read more

As a New Yorker, I feel like I am constantly apologizing for the crowds. When I’m talking to friends or family from other parts of the country, the most frequent refrain I hear is, “I could never live around so many people”. Believe me, I get it. But there is more to the story than what meets the eye. Believe it or not, the crowds add to the value of living in New York City.   Interrupted… again! Yesterday I… Read more

While there has been plenty of talk about former FBI-Director James Comey’s book, A Higher Loyalty, most of it is missing the point. This post is neither an indictment nor affirmation of Comey as an individual, his actions, or even his book. While it is easy to get lost in the gossip and the personalities and the political drama, there is a huge piece of truth being presented amidst the muck and the grime. Pundits want to talk about the… Read more

My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for more than a year. A few months ago, we lost a baby at just five weeks. To say it has been a challenge is an obvious understatement. Our journey with infertility and miscarriage has shown me a few things about how we approach the grieving process and spurned a few thoughts on how we might do it better.   Avoidance Far and away, the most striking thing about our… Read more

I’m not a big environmentalist. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy this planet as much as the next guy. But I’ve never gone out of my way, politically or otherwise, to fight for the literal world we live in. I tell you this to let you know that this is not your typical Earth Day plea. But I do want to share an observation I had this month that has helped change the way I view our world. It has… Read more

We live in a crowded world. There are things that happen around us every day. These things do not happen in a vacuum. People, circumstances, climate, and culture are inevitable variables in the arena of life. There are two fundamental ways to respond to these inevitabilities. Two warring perspectives that vie for our attention. One of these options will cripple us and the other will set us free. Victim Mentality There is no doubt that life affects us. The decisions… Read more

Hope is one of the most powerful virtues available to humans. Although we talk about it in placid tones and with half-hearted fervor, true hope has all but disappeared from today’s society. When we claim to have hope, it is almost always tainted with an underlying sense of deep dread. We expect hope to be unfulfilled, which is not really hope at all. ‘Hope’ has been watered down to mean something like ‘I suppose my expectation of disappointment might be… Read more

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