We live in a world where we are constantly bumping up against people and ideas. Humans are made for community. We thrive in social settings. The best of our work and play happens when we are together. Each of us as a high capacity to influence others. Whether we want to or not, whether we mean to or not, the way we live our life impacts the people around us. Influence can encourage us in our identity or push us… Read more

Like every organization, the culture of our relationships is determined by how we define two words: shame and honor. As we are learning how to interact with one another, we weigh our past experience, personalities, and perceptions to form a pattern of behaviors that are deemed honorable and avoid a cluster of thoughts, attitudes, and actions that are deemed shameful. Our relationships will be driven by our treatment of these two terms.   How It Happens By and large, this… Read more

Last night, we went to a Yankees game here in NYC. There were a handful of homeruns and a few that just barely missed going over the fence. Our seats were high up and the angle looking down on the field was slightly blocked. There was just one sliver of the field where we could not see. If the ball went there, we’d have to depend on the reaction of the crowd to find out what happened. I never really… Read more

Whether it be in relationship, business, or the good old fashion pursuit of identity, each one of us is just trying to figure things out. We’re trying to do better, to be better. We are trying to find happiness and make sense of this world. But in all honesty, we aren’t trying hard enough. Modern humans are giving up way too early. We have abandoned the true and noble endeavors inherent in these pursuits for a superficial facsimile. We’ve built… Read more

Conflict is an inevitable part of human relationship. It’s extremely valuable for developing intimacy and strengthening connection. It can also be destructive. Conflict frightens us because it exposes our underbellies. It makes us vulnerable, tearing us from our carefully constructed world of romance. Conflict is not something that needs to be fixed as much as it is something that needs to be resolved. When it arises, conflict feels a bit like a call to arms. And there are certain preferences each of… Read more

Life is hard. There is suffering and joy and a myriad of things beyond our control. There are billions of other people, unpredictable circumstances, and more to think about than our brains can comprehend. We are trying to figure out what to do and how to do it and when and if it has meaning. The whole thing is like a dizzying kaleidoscope. Human living has a pattern. It has been built, for better or worse, around a system, a… Read more

My wife and I have struggled with infertility and a miscarriage over the last eighteen months. As the months continue to move along, we continue to hope and pray. Anyone who has been through this process understands the roller coaster of hope and disappointment that repeats every month. One thing that makes it weirder (not harder, just… strange) is how often the people around us find themselves pregnant. Friends. Family members. Strangers on the train. We had a friend get pregnant a… Read more

My parents are in town visiting this week. They live in the Galveston, TX area and were deeply saddened, as we all were, to hear of a school shooting just a few miles from their house. What was once a rare occasion, the use of terror, has become less and less of an oddity in today’s world. There are hurting people out in the world. Even crazy people. We are at odds with one another, angry at our differences, convinced… Read more

I woke up a few days ago and thought about the day ahead. I hadn’t even rolled off the bed yet, but I was measuring, anticipating, and wondering. There is a lot going on in our lives right now. Ever since our miscarriage in December, I’ve encountered many difficult days. So, in the morning hours of that day, I had a crazy idea. I thought to myself: ‘Can I just choose the day? Can I just decide it is going… Read more

There is a high school around the corner from us in Brooklyn. A couple times a day students spread out around the neighborhood, laughing and cutting up in the unique way of adolescence. Yesterday, I passed a pair of teens who I presume were dating. The girl was very upset with the guy. She was screaming at him about a small misunderstanding that had caused some offense and hurt feelings. After taking the abuse for a few quiet minutes, the… Read more

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