It is amazing what we are capable of. We can live with people everyday, but feel lonely and completely unknown. The decay of family intimacy can always be traced to a breakdown in communication. There is no quicker way to build (or destroy) a family than by addressing the system by which we communicate. Every relationship we have is a practice for family relationship. Some families we are born into, and some we choose. These four steps are helpful for… Read more

When I think about my life, there are few things that seem more important than balance. Should I fight to be heard or sacrifice myself to serve others? Should I focus on responsibility and security or on taking the risk to chase my dreams? Should I set boundaries or live in freedom? My best life is not one or the other. Life is not about the one right answer but about finding balance among the complicated possibilities. The Perfect Metaphor I… Read more

Few things excite us more than the possibility of relationships. The more intimate, the more alluring. We imagine the power of sex and the joy of being cared for. We see the cure to loneliness and the promise of support and affection. From Romantic Comedies to pornography (believe it or not) to whispered gossip among friends, we have bought into The Romance Trap. And it affects much more than just the dating world.   Far Reaching We view dating and… Read more

Emotions are a huge part of who we are and an essential ingredient in human relationships. Emotions are what drive us to other people and what tear us away from them. Living in intimacy with another person means emotions will inevitably get high. Circumstances, old wounds, and defense mechanisms will push our temperature up and inform how we communicate and behave. We often talk about emotions ‘getting the better of us’. What we mean when we use this phrase is… Read more

Adventure travel and extreme sports are becoming more and more popular in our culture. People are pushing themselves into CrossFit gyms and triathlon races. We have become an ‘extreme’ culture, jumping out of airplanes, riding roller coasters, swimming with sharks. It’s as if there is a part of us that feels most alive the closer we get to death. Something in us realizes that there are things in life not just worth living for, but worth dying for as well…. Read more

It has to be the most used excuse for why we cannot do something. I don’t have the time. Our world is increasingly busy and increasingly proud of it. We’ve made an idol out of our busyness. We wear our unavailability as a badge of honor. We pretend to loathe it while we put our hope in its worth. And at the end of the day, we most often feel as though we ran out of time too early. There were… Read more

Parenting is enough to drive anyone crazy. Trying to raise good kids is an almost impossible task. How much more challenging, then, to not just be raising good kids but to look at laying a foundation for healthy adults. What is true for rearing children is also true for anyone in a position of influence. The essential goal in leading others is empowering them to self-awareness and self-governance. Often, we are the biggest obstacles. We like to be needed, we… Read more

Every entity on Earth is a culture. Our businesses, marriages, religious institutions and social groups all have a unique atmosphere around them. One the members of the entity establish. The glue that holds every culture together is language. Evaluating and understanding the language of your entity will help you thrive in it. I remember the first time one of the teens I work with used the word “lit”. No kidding, I looked around to see if something was on fire…. Read more

The single greatest plague destroying relationships is our unwillingness to grow. Imagine if tech companies spent all their time trying to defend and validate their previous models and no time innovating new ones. Imagine if an athletic franchise refused to play an upcoming season because they wanted to argue about how great the previous was. Our society thrives on progress. On innovation. In almost every area of our lives, it is learning from the past (mistakes and triumphs) and moving… Read more

In an increasingly global world, the challenge of security and inclusiveness is expanding. From national governments to individual souls, we waver in the difficult balance of the vulnerability necessary for community and the boundaries necessary to protect ourselves. The paradigm we often use is Us versus Them. Like so many things in the modern world, it is not so much that we get the answer to this question wrong; the problem is that it is the wrong question altogether. A Fatal Flaw The… Read more

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