There is perhaps nothing more devastating to modern relationships than our inability to really listen to one another. The noise we hear from our partners in community is only a fraction of what they are trying to say. We are terrible listeners. Always thinking of what we are going to say next. Easily bored and distracted by anything that is of no clear and direct benefit to us. The unity of our relationships is off-kilter when each of us desperately… Read more

As a writer, one of the things I struggle with is motivation. One of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome was the idea that inspiration was this random magic I had no part to play in. I’ve wasted too many days not writing because I did not feel like writing. All of us, in all walks of life, struggle with motivation. We are crippled by our lack of desire. We wait around passively for the desire to jump-start us as if… Read more

Last week, I went to a movie in The Upper West Side of Manhattan. As I took my seat in the theater, I realized the median age in the room was about seventy. It made me smile and shrug. A cute older couple sat next to me. The woman and I made eye contact and she asked me which row and seat I was in to ensure they were in the right spot. Her husband was fumbling with a backpack,… Read more

It is really hard to love people. Sometimes they just need an ear and sometimes they need advice. Sometimes we ought to press in and sometimes we ought to back away. There is a particular kind of person who is hard to help. The Co-dependent Tarzan. This person swings from one relationship to another, searching for validation, his only salvation against gravity is the weight he pulls from those around him. Confused and desperate and stuck in the tornado of… Read more

I’m wrestling with the annoyingly constant fact that if I do not feel ok, I am not okay. I make a god of my emotions. My whole trust is put in them. They are my value, my perspective, and my guide. If I feel good today, it was a good day. If I feel lousy, it was an awful day. Emotion is the barometer I use to measure meaning, success, and validation. Is it possible I have vaulted emotions to… Read more

We work with an organization that sends teams out into the world. These teams usually consist of seven people who are assigned to be together. They live with one another, work, play, and travel – all together. Part of our coaching is helping them work through the inevitable issues of living in community. And there is one refrain we hear way too often. It goes something like this: ‘These just aren’t my kind of people. I’d never be friends with… Read more

We live in a constantly changing world. In a rapidly progressing culture, we find ourselves spurred on by newness. Some of the newness is helpful, but most of it is not. It doesn’t really matter. Almost immediately after receiving the new thing, we are waiting in expectation for the next new thing. Why? What is our culture’s fascination with newness? An obvious observation is that we are a dissatisfied people, unable to appreciate what we have and be thankful for… Read more

As a New Yorker, I feel like I am constantly apologizing for the crowds. When I’m talking to friends or family from other parts of the country, the most frequent refrain I hear is, “I could never live around so many people”. Believe me, I get it. But there is more to the story than what meets the eye. Believe it or not, the crowds add to the value of living in New York City.   Interrupted… again! Yesterday I… Read more

While there has been plenty of talk about former FBI-Director James Comey’s book, A Higher Loyalty, most of it is missing the point. This post is neither an indictment nor affirmation of Comey as an individual, his actions, or even his book. While it is easy to get lost in the gossip and the personalities and the political drama, there is a huge piece of truth being presented amidst the muck and the grime. Pundits want to talk about the… Read more

My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for more than a year. A few months ago, we lost a baby at just five weeks. To say it has been a challenge is an obvious understatement. Our journey with infertility and miscarriage has shown me a few things about how we approach the grieving process and spurned a few thoughts on how we might do it better.   Avoidance Far and away, the most striking thing about our… Read more

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