El Segundo, CA – Mattel’s “Breathe With Me” Meditation Barbie is the latest children’s product to be released by the toy giant. For just under $25 retail, kids will be able to practice self-care as they help the Barbie doll with her meditation practice. With just the push of a button, kids will be able to join in on the relaxation.
However, according to a group of Conservative Christians, not everything is as it seems. “Christians Against Eastern Religions,” or CAER, have recently stated that this bendable children’s toy is anything but an invitation to practice self-care; it’s an invitation to open a portal into the underworld.
Here’s what founder of the group, Jasmine Blades, had to say on her personal Facebook page:
Satan always comes as appearing innocent. He will never come with horns and a pitchfork. This Barbie has 5 guided meditations. Remember, Yoga IS Hinduism. You cannot separate the poses from the religion. Each pose is designed to invoke a Hindu deity in the spirit realm. I have seen children get possessed by demons. This Barbie also teaches you deep breathing (pranayama). Her pet is also involved. Satan is after the children. He wants to use them and indoctrinate them for his glory. Then, when he is done, he will destroy them. As your kids grow, they will get rebellious, depressed and many will be suicidal. You won’t understand what’s happening as a parent. God forbids all practices of eastern religion as a Christian. You must remove all toys and clean your children’s room of all demonic attachments. Deuteronomy 18:10-12.
We reached out to Mattel for comment, but they have not returned my call. They did, however, recently post this to their official Twitter account:
The new Breathe With Me Barbie is here! It is definitely just a toy, and not a gateway into the underworld. We swear. Just a self-care toy for children. Not made by Satan. We promise!
Sounds fishy, but for now, we’ll just have to take their word for it. If you have purchased the new Barbie, and discover any shadowy figures clinging to your ceiling, or if your children start floating in the air like Luke Skywalker, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us.[THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE]
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