Supreme Court To Reverse Decision on Roe V. Wade, But Under One Condition

Supreme Court To Reverse Decision on Roe V. Wade, But Under One Condition May 25, 2022

Washington, DC – Just a day after yet another mass shooting in an American school, conservatives are considering reversing course on the repeal of Roe v. Wade. However, there is one stipulation: all abortions performed must involve any number of approved handguns or rifles.

This potential policy reversal comes as a bit of a surprise, given how staunchly conservatives disapprove of abortion. But it just goes to show you how much they idolize and worship their guns.

“I’m shocked, but I’m also not,” said an anonymous local business owner. “I knew they hated abortions, but to think that they love guns more than they hate abortions? That’s kinda surprising. Then again, it’s not. I’ve met these people. They’re obsessed with guns.”

We were able to catch up a spokesperson for conservative guns rights group, Guns On Demand, or G.O.D., one of the most vocal advocates of the new potential legislation, who had this to say:

“It’s an exciting time in America right now. Of course, our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the children who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect our Second Amendment. But these things are going to happen. We can’t let that deter us from our mission – to get guns into the hands of every man, woman, and child in America by the year 2027.”

When asked what any of that had to do the new potential abortion law, he said, “Well, we have to realize that abortions are going to happen. So this is a bit of a compromise. We figure that the safest and most effective way to end any life, including a fetus, is with a firearm in the hands of an American. I think that much we can all agree on.”

Support for this new law is thin, but if we’ve learned anything about the United States of America, it’s that nothing makes sense anymore. So, it will probably pass and sometime soon, doctors will be shooting fetuses, all in the name of the Right to Bear Arms.

(This article is satire, but only just.)


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About Matthew J. Distefano
Matthew J. Distefano is an author, blogger, podcaster, and social worker. He lives in Northern California with his wife and daughter You can read more about the author here.

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