Is Progressive Christianity Counterfeit Gospel?

October 18, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

Is Progressive Christianity counterfeit Gospel? The short answer: no. But, like all questions, a fully-developed answer depends on a number of factors: What exactly is Progressive Christianity? What is the Gospel, for that matter? And how, precisely, would something then be counterfeit? What is the Gospel? The first question—what is Progressive Christianity?—can be rather difficult to answer, so we are going to hold off for now, focusing instead on the second: what is the Gospel? Put most literally, the word... Read more

The Myth Of White Christian America

October 11, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

All cultures and societies use myth to tell their stories, and by myth I don’t mean the stories aren’t true in some way. Myths are often quite true for the people who create them. In fact, they are so true that to challenge them is to challenge the group identity. French anthropologist and literary critic René Girard goes so far as to say that myth is one of the three key pillars a culture needs in order to even be... Read more

10 Reasons I Could Never Be A Biblical Literalist

September 21, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

I was never a biblical literalist. My church was, but I wasn’t. There were just too many issues I had with a literalist reading of Scripture that, if true, turned God into a deity that I couldn’t worship. Here’s 10 of them, in no particular order. I. PREGNANT WOMEN AND THE FLOOD In Sunday School, we learn about a great flood that wipes out all of humanity save for one family. The takeaway, we’re told, is that if we are... Read more

Conservatives Finally Able To See Color After Trailer For “The Little Mermaid” Released

September 14, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

Atlantica, ATLANTIC OCEAN – For decades, conservatives have been unable to see color due to a medical condition called Ignoramus Sightosis. Why this condition has only plagued conservatives has been baffling medical professionals across the globe. Just as baffling is how most of them suddenly were able to see color for the first time this past week after Disney released a teaser trailer for their live-action remake of the classic animated hit “The Little Mermaid.” “We are flabbergasted,” said Dr.... Read more

See You In The Fall

September 6, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

As a writer, sometimes I don’t know what to say. I know that sounds fantastically contradictory, but it’s true. Over the past 7 years, I’ve said so much that I’ve landed at a place where I just don’t know what else to write about. Does that mean I’m going to stop writing? Of course not! I have 5 books in the works, cohost 2 podcasts, and still plan on keeping this blog up and running. But right now, I’m sort... Read more

Learning to Float: Deconstructing Doctrinal Certainty to Embrace the Mystery of Faith

August 24, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

The following is from the Preface to my recently-released book Learning to Float, with Michelle Collins. I think you’ll enjoy it. Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Are you sure? What happens if you don’t love him back? I’m good. I go to Church. I read my Bible (sometimes). I got baptized. But you also watched porn today. And yesterday. And the day before that. Yeah, but every Christian’s a sinner. I’m fine. I’ve... Read more

The Church Has Become A Monster

August 18, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

I was raised Evangelical. Bible Studies. Retreats in the woods. Worship team practices. Potlucks. The whole nine. I knew the faith. I knew what I had to believe in order to be right with God. And I stayed true to the path as best I could. But here’s the God’s honest truth. It was basically all a lie. Since leaving the church over 10 years ago, it has become the very thing it preached against for all those years. It... Read more

Life Lessons From A Grape

July 29, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

One of my life’s passions is gardening. Though it is just a hobby, I take it very seriously. When my plants are healthy, I am happy. As the old saying goes, “Happy plant, happy Matt.” Currently, I manage two gardens: one at my home in Chico, Ca and another at my best friend’s in Paradise. Because the latter property is huge – around an acre in size – the garden, too, is massive. And on top of that, we have... Read more

Mike Pence To Run For President, Chooses Housefly As Running Mate

July 19, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

Carmel, IN – Former Vice President Mike Pence has decided he is going to run for the GOP nomination for President in hopes of becoming the 47th President of the United States of America. After pandering to the 45th President for over four years, which ended in his followers chanting “hang Mike Pence,” he has decided his best course of action is to again cozy up to the same Christo-fascists who called for his head during the January 6th riots.... Read more

Republican AG Learns That Sodomy Includes Oral Sex, Changes Tune

July 11, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

Austin, TX – Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, a Republican, recently came under fire for suggesting that he would look into enforcing so-called “sodomy laws,” which have historically been used to criminalize same-sex intercourse. “Yeah, look, my job is to defend state law, and I’ll continue to do that,” Paxton said. “That is my job under the Constitution, and I’m certainly willing and able to do that.” In the past two days, however, Paxton has changed his tune after a... Read more