Marjorie Taylor Greene’s New Conspiracy Theory Is That She’s Being Controlled By Aliens

May 15, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

Milledgeville, GA – Marjorie Taylor Greene is best known for her outlandish conspiracy theories, but her latest one takes the cake. During an interview with far-right propagandist Greg Kelly, the beleaguered Republican Representative floated the idea that she may in fact be the result of a CIA plot to make conservatives look bad. “Who really knows what’s going on, Greg,” Greene stated, when asked about the CIA’s ties with extra-terrestrial technology. “For all we know, I was abducted at one... Read more

I’m In Facebook Jail For Hate Speech

May 14, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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Yesterday, I got thrown in Facebook jail for hate speech. I’m currently serving a 3-day sentence (6-days for any group activity). But here’s the deal: the hate speech was AGAINST me, not FROM me. Around 8 AM PST, some rando slid in my DMs and sent me the following: In case you are not aware (I also had to look it on Urban Dictionary), a poofter is an Australian slur for gay or... Read more

Hillsong Hires Former Disgraced Television Star

May 13, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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New York City, NY – Over the past few years, Hillsong Church has been in the news for a variety of reasons, many of which have to do with their culture of misconduct and abuses of power. From celebrity pastor Carl Lentz to founder Brian Houston, it seems that controversy follows the megachurch wherever it goes. The recent hiring of Matt Lauer, former disgraced host of “Today,” is the most recent action to raise more than a few eyebrows. Lauer,... Read more

Controversy Surrounding Mattel’s “Yoga Barbie”

May 12, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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El Segundo, CA – Mattel’s “Breathe With Me” Meditation Barbie is the latest children’s product to be released by the toy giant. For just under $25 retail, kids will be able to practice self-care as they help the Barbie doll with her meditation practice. With just the push of a button, kids will be able to join in on the relaxation. However, according to a group of Conservative Christians, not everything is as it seems. “Christians Against Eastern Religions,” or... Read more

10 Times God Was Hardly Pro-Life

May 9, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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The so-called pro-life crowd seems to have just won a huge victory in the fight against healthcare. As it stands, the Supreme Court looks as if they are going to roll back Roe v. Wade, which, for all we know, will resurrect Jerry Falwell from beyond the grave (at this point, I’m not surprised by anything). This is causing a raucous celebration within Evangelical circles. Why, you ask? Because of the sanctity of life. As they would argue, God values... Read more

Responding to “Our Cultural Moment” by Grayson Gilbert

May 8, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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I am constantly perplexed by many of the things I see coming out of the Evangelical page here on Patheos. Technically, every writer on that channel is a colleague of mine, albeit only indirectly. I don’t know 99% of them, and based on what they are publishing, I rest comfortably in that fact. I mean, Mark Driscoll is still among their ranks, for God’s sake. If that isn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is. But I digress. The... Read more

“Ankles Only” Bill Introduced By GOP Representatives

May 7, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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Washington, DC – A week after the now infamous SCOTUS leak, which, if put into law, would effectively eliminate Roe v. Wade, House members of the GOP have sponsored a bill that would make it illegal for women in most public spaces to show any skin other than their ankles, hands, and of course, their faces. Colloquially called the “Ankles Only” bill, SB 1850 states that it would be a misdemeanor for women to wear clothing that displays “anything above... Read more

Fire Destroys Prominent Embryonic Lab, Multiple Deaths Reported

May 4, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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Boston, MA – A fire at Comprehensive Genomic Services, a premier embryonic laboratory, broke out late last night, destroying much of the lab. It is feared that there are multiple deaths, one of which is an infant who was yet to be picked up from the in-house daycare service the lab runs for its employees. Initial reports are that the daycare worker, a woman in her 50s named Margaret Smith, fled the daycare as soon as she heard the alarm.... Read more

Alisa Childers Shocked To Discover The Truth About Historic Christianity

April 28, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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Pacoima, CA – Former ZOEgirl band member Alisa Childers, a huge proponent of “historic Christianity,” made headlines this week after she was forced to admit that historic Christians weren’t who she thought they were. The shocking discovery came late last Monday, when a group of theologians notified her of what was actually in her Bible, as well as what the early Church Fathers actually believed. Citing 1 Timothy 2:12, the letter to Childers remindered her that, according to some antiquated... Read more

Controversy Aboard Domestic Flight, As Religious Group Holds Impromptu Concert

April 21, 2022 By Matthew Distefano

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Somewhere at 30,000 feet above sea level, USA – A TikTok video, showing an in-flight impromptu concert of sorts, has gone viral. Some groups are praising the group of worshippers for their bravado, while others are speaking out against them, saying it’s a form of entitlement and privilege. We caught up with James Thompson, the guitarist from the video, who had this to say: “We just felt the spirit that day, and wanted to show everyone on the flight what... Read more