Myth: It’s the husband who always wants more.
Truth: In one in four marriages, it’s the wife who wants more.
When my husband, Jeff, and I speak at marriage events, I frequently hear from women who pull me around a corner and ask, in a low voice, a question that starts like this: “I know we’re unusual, but in our marriage, I’m the one who wants more sex, and … ”
I always interrupt. “You’re not unusual. In 24% of marriages, the wife is the higher-desire spouse.” I gesture to all the couples wandering around the church or auditorium and say, “That means one out of every four of these couples is like you.”
One such woman started at me in shock. “What we hear at marriage conferences is that the husband is the one chasing his wife around the bed. But in my relationship, I’m the one chasing my husband around the bed!” She said she and her husband had been burdened for ten years by feeling defective – they both thought she must be hypersexual, or he must have a deficient libido, or both. And while both conditions do exist, in most cases (like theirs) it’s simply just how the two individuals are wired. What freedom comes from realizing this! You can approach one another based on honoring your natural patterns rather than trying to fit your spouse (or yourself) in a box. (And if you are a high-desire wife, make sure you’re subscribed to my email list. We will be announcing an exciting online conference just for you – with practical equipping and encouragement –very soon.)
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