What Wives Need Most From Their Husbands (Part 1)

 Emotional Need #2: To be helped without having to ask  

When Jeff and I lead marriage events, one of our favorite things to do is live (anonymous) polling of the audience. At an event in Iowa last fall, we asked the women in the audience to fill in the blank below in five words or less. 

“When my husband says this or does this it really touches my heart: _____________.” 

We asked the polling program to create a representative word cloud of the answers:  

Interesting, right? One in four women, with their ONE short opportunity, mentioned some form of “help” as an answer – and especially help without being asked.  

Men, it means the world to your wife when you step in to help her without prompting. Why? It means that you care enough to be aware of what is going on with her, and notice that she needs help. 

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “I can’t read my wife’s mind.” You’re absolutely right. As we said onstage at that marriage event, you should not be expected to. But there are several actions you can do that will have lasting emotional impact:  

• Ask her! After work, simply ask, “How can I most help you tonight?” She’ll feel so deeply cared for, and you won’t have to read her mind. Win-win. 

• Become curious about and aware of what sort of “help” matters to your wife, in the same way you probably are attuned to what matters to your boss. You can’t read her mind, but you can look for patterns.  

• Once you see a pattern, be ready to jump in where needed. In the classic words of the larger-than-life inventor Bigweld from the animated movie Robots: “See a need, fill a need.” A few simple actions may speak volumes of love.