Why Is It So Hard to Talk About Sex?

Reason #3: I don’t want to hurt my spouse’s feelings

Each of us cares deeply about our spouse – and we know that raising sexual issues can be a very tender topic. It can be easier to decide, “I wish he/she knew __________, but it’s not worth it to hurt his/her feelings.”

But avoiding the topic for the sake of not hurting your spouse may also be hurting your spouse! Back to our example of Brad and Susan. Building communication about what was causing the hurt and distance could have helped solve it! Even better, over time, it would prevent it. Brad could have explained his hope that sexual intimacy would draw them close. Susan could have conveyed she was just plain exhausted but maybe they could get the kids to bed early the next night and make time for both emotional and sexual intimacy.

What to do: Make time – at the right time – to talk about sex.

Each of us needs to make time to talk about this topic – again, at some point outside the bedroom! And just as important as making time to talk, is finding the right time to talk. Talking about sex frequency may not go well when you’re in bed and discovering that your spouse isn’t “in the mood” or that you’re feeling defensive.

So rather than waiting until bedtime, hit the back patio or go for a walk to talk about this sacred part of your relationship. Just make sure you’re bringing the subject up when you both agree that the timing is right.

Openly talking to your spouse about your thoughts and feelings around sex can help launch you into the highly happy category of marriage.

And here’s one reason why: If you are willing to communicate openly with one another, and are intent on listening well and sharing honestly, you will probably even get to issues under the surface that have nothing to do with sex. As you gently honor one another’s vulnerability in discussing this intimate part of marriage, you and your spouse can progress in the journey toward a deeply fulfilling marriage.

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