Step 4: Evaluate your boundaries
By this we don’t mean “examine what your boundaries are.” We mean, examine why your boundaries are what they are.
An intentional study of what scripture says on this may be eye-opening. We have studied this in a very systematic way … and it is clear that scripture calls us to an uncomfortable level of kindness with others. The charge to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44) remains unchanged.
When we build Fort Knox around our hearts or cut people out of our lives in the name of boundaries, this enters very tricky territory. We would never presume to understand the heartache you have endured or the mean-spirited, unkind encounters you have faced. We only know that when Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” (Luke 6:31), it was in the context of mistreatment.
In other words: “Treat the person who is treating you badly with the kindness you wish they were extending to you.”
We are not recommending that anyone become a doormat.
We would never advocate staying in an abusive situation.
But as we navigate difficult situations with difficult people—with all the wisdom, boundaries, protection, and strength we possess—it’s important to be kind. Not everyone will embrace this principle, but this is ours: If we are going to err, we are going to err on the side of being loving and kind.
Difficult people may never reciprocate our kindness. But God says “the reward will be very great” for those who love their enemies (Luke 6:35).
Let’s trust Him on this—and act accordingly.
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